Hair Beyond Cosmos

-how small things parted phenomena unnoticeably

 

 

Blown by the wind,

The force was so intense,

And brought it away

Too far, it was never seen.

 

The sky was beaming.

Eternity of its light

Shrunken the tissues

And was long forgotten

 

Cells evaporated in midair

Mixed through spontaneity,

Cycle was about to begin.

 

Redeeming its vastness,

Sky seized them messily

 

Differentiation of life;

Creating such entity,

It was never known.

 

Its specs, so minute

Battled across the cosmos

Traveled across oblivion

Darkened, unveiled spaces

 

Stars consumed.

Reviews

[Dalebear]

Well done good write

[Dante Balsote]

There is some vagueness in the imagery (not because of the words, but because of the "much too fragmented" words).

"Blown by the wind,
The force was so intense,
And brought it away
Too far, it was never seen."

I can no longer distinguish the subjects. Too many "it"s. What are the "it"s here? Is it the wind? The force of the wind? The thing that was blown by the force of the wind?

Aside from this technical difficulty, I find no constructive criticism that I can say. Though, I very much admire your ending:

"Stars consumed."

Very forceful despite a lack of "solid" support from the preceding lines. But it's only because of your caption, "how small things parted phenomena unnoticeably" that I had "somehow" grasped what the poem is trying to say. Otherwise, I would be lost. If you can work out the technical details here, the poem really has much to say.