Fallen Keys

 

I watched my love play

In the midnight sky

As she traveled her fingers

Along my forgotten piano

 

The sound reminisces

Her beautiful face

As the wind prowls

Opposing her white silk gown

 

The open sky

Revisited ominously

Darkened her silver hair

Hid her emaciated skin

 

Her fingers augmented

They flew beyond

Lurked into the depths;

With our wedding ring

 

She tackled hard

Against my unsentimental

Making it bellow

With the moon’s vibes

 

She felt it with everything

Crying

With wrath,

She faced me…

 

Her visage slowly melts,

Raised her hands…

With the last fury strike

She made more fallen keys

 

Reviews

[Leah Simone]

Ghostly in a way, but I adore the music and the piano in it. It is as if the fallen keys are tears. Wonderful job. -leah

[R. MonaLeza]

Thanks for asking me to read your work. This is absolutely beautiful. Very haunting. Definately Five Stars! I'll be reading more of your work soon.

[S. Paul Reinert]

Being a musican myself, I've often thought of pianos in particular as an instrument that human breath life into upon it's creation. There's a sort of mysticism about them, and I think you've capture that here altough it's a minor point within the piece, great stuff.

[Sykotix]

Thank you for giving me the chance to view such a wonderfully written peice of poetry! I love this! Wow, speechless! I am left with nothing else to say besides it being perfect! Brilliant job! Beautifully written! I am SO AMAZED!!! You definately have potential as a writer! And I really do mean that!! =D

[Tabitha Kaufman]

Wow, this was a very good write.

[Juliette Cross]

i feel rage in this. tragic. beautiful.

[Angel Marie Antoinette]

Wow...
(oh...that piano sounds like the one my grandmother had..that we wasn't allowed to touch..the same one my mother had to play as a child..reminded me how i wish i could touch it)...
This feels like a composition..up and down...the dancing of the keys, the images you mixed in with the story.
Loved it!!

[(man)~~~~~~lol~~~~~~(dr..]

"Forgotten piano" incites a few things for me. One: how can one neglect a piano? So sad. Two: the dust that forms on the keys. Old scary buildings. The movie, "Unleashed," with Jet Li.

The sound reminisces
Her beautiful face
^
This is exactly what happens with sound/music. As scent is to taste, sound is to memory, so I think this is a brilliant line, as well as:

As the wind prowls
Opposing her white silk gown
^
I think your word choice is significant in bringing me the meaning behind the poem thus far. The wind isn't simply "blowing in" and "brushing up against" the gown, it is opposing it.

The sky part (third stanza) is also very good and promising for the final stages to this poem. I love the word "emaciated." To me, she is faded or fading just like that of the "forgotten piano" � and I think that the forgotten piano concept is a good one; innovative; not too many people say this sort of sentimental thing often enough.

"Her fingers augmented" � and 'augmented' is also a term giving to music. A half-step more than something... so her fingers became larger, by scale, or by physical appearance (like a vacuum in space). "They flew beyond" is telling me that she may be dead; the depths, though, incites negative connotations with the ideal of the after-life, and I like how the wedding ring is introduced.

She tackled hard
Against my unsentimental
Making it bellow
With the moon�s vibes
^
"Against my unsentimental" is the one thing in this piece that comes closest to something I don't like. Mainly because it's unusual but is completely legitimate: your forgotten piano. It's like saying, "against my forgotten-piano." However, the term "below" alongside the next line, "with the moon's vibes," is amazing because I think of tubular bells and how low and vibrating they are sometimes.

"Crying with warmth" ... hmm ... a piano can have warmth (tone), so I'll give that one to you. And seeing how this is a personification, the piano is sort of crying ... or something to that effect. Fallen Keys itself is a great term; reflects neglect. This is probably near-perfect. A nice change from your usual.

[Ben]

She tackled hard
Against my unsentimental
Making it bellow
With the moon�s vibes

Very nice job here. I loved the creative work done here. Very original and great imagery. Especially the last stanza..

Her visage slowly melts...

Not many people may even grasp that concept.

Ben

[T. F. Rice]

This poem reads like a piano composition: with rise and fall of tempo, you lead the reader on an eerie ride that they will not soon forget. THanks for sharing! T F RIce