gravity (word doodle)

This anatomy

Material weight

Painful gravity

The world is irate

 

Always incomplete

Vulnerably massed

Complacent concrete

Moving bye so fast

 

Life is a burden

We live everyday

Objective hidden

At the end is only decay

Author's Note

just trying to break my writers block.... think i am working threw it..... wht do u all think?

Reviews

[ransom]

i love your use of "painful gravity." because it works on a couple of levels (at least)...there is the gravity that "holds you down/back"...and there is gravity, itself, which is still such an enigma to physicists and so your word choice could also be the pain that comes from not understanding...from the pain that inevitably comes with any sort of "ignorance."

i enjoyed the read and i don't see much evidence of writer's block in this one!

[.]

I like it! It has good rhyme and speaks of the everyday weight we feel upon the paths of our lives.
Your analogies are good, bringing across the feeling of being supressed by an inevitable doom.

Tara M Stone