prison

 

 

 

In my dungeon locked away

I’m complacent and subdued

In this cell full of decay

I’m in this hell built by you

 

I don’t know how I got here

This prison all around me

With walls constructed by fear

I’m held in captivity

 

Bricks made of lost hope and pain

Mortared together with woe

I am stuck in this domain

I cant leave, I cant let go

 

The thick steal bars of the gate

Keep me dead, deep down inside

Welded into place with hate

My enlightenment denied

 

Shattered in pieces and parts

Broken dreams cover the floor

I am losing my soul and heart

I hurt like never before

 

I wish I could find the key

So that I wouldn’t have to stay

I am longing to run free

I wish I could find a way

Reviews

[[untitled]]

Oh Pink, this was woefully tragic. The feelings of being trapped and bonded to the emotions of being subdued and imprisoned came through so clear.
I wish I could offer you that key! I would have it fed-ex'd to you straight away If I knew what the lock looked like!

The only thing I would suggest on this piece is in the first stanza. The rhyme seemed forced, as you used the word "Subdue" when in that line it should be "Subdued" to catch the meaning correctly. But at the same time, creative liscence may take presidence as it would mess up the last line of that stanza if changed.

Hugs and well wishes to you Pinky! You're way too nice of a gal, to be imprisoned in such a way!

Your friend,
Ashley

[Enigma]

Wow!! One of those perfect poetic pieces which use fantastic imagery. It flows like a sad song where I get the hints of anger and betrayel at some points. And I can see it all through the eyes of my imagination as you've painted the picture well enough, or rather perfectly....
I loved the rhymes. They add so much feeling to those words...
Great Write!!....Fantastic Job!!

[[untitled]]

That's pretty intense and a bit depressing. I do like it though. Very nicely done!

[Lyra H]

"Shattered in pieces and parts

Broken dreams cover the floor"

So wonderfully described! Keep dreaming up great stuff! ;)

[Kiya]

This is a really well written and depressing poem. I love the imagery, and the way you string your words together. It made me think of humanity, and if we really deserve to be treated like this, or to treat other people like this. Thank you!

"Bricks made of lost hope and pain
Mortared together with woe
I am stuck in this domain
I cant leave, I cant let go"

*sigh*

[L.G. Knight]

Oh I have been there. Wonderfully expressed. really Amazing! thanks so much for sharing!

~Frances~

[Pj]

Oh this is so sad...such pain and hurt!
You painted well the image of darkness and sickness in that darkness. The imprisonment was so powerful.

Well done! A fantastic write

[Pakino]

Nice piece. I liked how you used a prison to replicate a "prison" state of a person. Your words are very clear and the message your are presenting is understood.

Simple and Sweet! Nice!

[jen -- JG]

This is a sad place to be. The thing is, this poem speaks of at least two things, of being trapped in an abusive relationship, or of being trapped in depression.

Either way the feelings and descriptions would be similar and the need to escape is strong in both cases.

Even though the need to escape is strong, the key cannot always be found and when it is, the familiar often over rules the need, as in your words " I want to leave. I can't let go."

I like the way you describe the surroundings holding you down, binding you in.

While this is well written and very sad I am hoping it is not true, in either sense and is, in realitly something you wrote from the point of view of someone else being in that situation. if this is the case you have captured the emotions and feelings very well.

If it is true, I'm sorry and hope you manage to find your way to freedom soon.

Well done.

((((hugs))))

Jen

[~*666 Draven Von Tepes ..]

ur a true goddess of feeling

[Summers Under The Old O..]

Wow, this poem is filled with emotion and imagery. Like it's already been said, your feelings of being trapped are very clear. I think my favorite stanza is the last one. It's a great ending, very wishful and sad.

"I wish I could find the key
So that I wouldn't have to stay
I am longing to run free
I wish I could find a way"

Good poem, amazing job.

Summer