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A Story by Pinklady834

My perspectives on dating

After yet another recent failed relationship, I once again begin the process of soul searching to uncover what possibly went wrong. Here I am once again single and almost 25 years old. Most of my close friends are in fairly serious relationships and most likely will marry the people they currently are dating. People constantly ask if I am dating someone and the answer is usually no. There is such pressure on people, more specifically young women my age, to settle down and get married. It doesn’t matter where a young woman works or the extent of her education. But if she is in a relationship and gets married by age 23 or 24, she is considered a successful member of society. There is a stigma on young women who are single and in their mid to late 20’s. It doesn’t matter if she’s in graduate school or has a successful job and happy. There is still one part of her life that is missing. I take myself as a prime example. I am still fairly young and am working on a second bachelor’s degree. I am an accomplished equestrian and a marathoner who recently qualified for the Boston Marathon. This past semester I received a 4.0 GPA and also work at a department store and give horseback riding lessons as well. After reviewing these components in my life, I would venture to say that my life is pretty good and I have accomplished a lot…I am proud of these things! In spite of these things, there is one aspect of my life that could be improved, and that inevitably is dating….the thing that almost always comes up in catch-up conversations with friends, acquaintances, and relatives and seems to be what they are all really interested in.

Let’s start with the basics first. I’ve had countless dates and I’d say 5 boyfriends, 2 serious, one of those who I considered to have loved. I’ve had several unrequited love scenarios and even now have an ongoing one. So there are my dating “stats.” Every family reunion, holiday gathering or conversation with a friend who I haven’t spoken to in awhile, like clockwork ends up with the person asking, “So how’s the love life?” My answer almost always is “Well, not much going on there.” The response: “Well I know _________ and he is a great guy.” I politely say “sure sounds good” and it usually ends there. Every single girl my age can probably relate, but perhaps if these individuals knew where my life or another single mid-20-year-old female’s life is at this point, they would have a better understanding of why dating is hard at this stage. Before sharing my current lifestyle and schedule, we might as well go back a few years. Even going back to my high school days, I never was in many situations that allowed me to date or meet guys. I ran cross country and also track and when I wasn’t doing that, I was riding my horse and usually at horseshows almost every weekend. As a result, I didn’t date much. I had many male friends and had dates to dances. None just were serious and it wasn’t until my junior year that I dated and started to become interested in it. I had a few relationships in high school and one huge unrequited love that never quite worked out. As a result, I set my sights on college and maybe meeting more guys there. I have no qualms or regrets about the countless hours I spent at horseshows, riding and running. These activities laid the groundwork for the person I am today. They gave me my determination, drive and dedication, qualities that I can honestly say I’m proud to have. So I graduated high school and set my sights on college. The drunken sleazes I frequently encountered who wanted only one thing significantly outnumbered the Prince Charmings in college. I had a few boyfriends in college, but again nothing serious. There’s my dating history nicely compacted and it didn’t even take more than a paragraph to sum it up.

Currently, I have a bachelor’s degree in journalism and pursuing another one in elementary education. Go figure, there aren’t too many eligible bachelors in either of those fields. During the school year and summers, I work at the infamous department store Kohl’s. Again, there aren’t too many eligible bachelors there either. Throw the riding horses and marathoning into the mix and basically, you have my life. So where and how exactly am I supposed to meet decent normal guys then? I know a few others in similar situations…a few of my friends at grad school, working full-time, and so on. So what if we aren’t dating? We certainly are leading productive and interesting lives and setting/accomplishing goals. We all would love to meet a nice guy somewhere in the mix, but those are hard to find, especially if you have a busy life and don’t have time to constantly troll bars and comb through all the guys out there. I suppose that’s not how everyone sees it, and of course not everyone meets at bars and not every guy is a jerk. It might seem that I am apathetic towards dating, which isn’t the case either. I believe in love and am hoping that somewhere down the road, I’ll meet someone. I imagine that others in similar scenarios feel the same way. So what exactly am I getting at? That life takes people in many different directions and that while someone at age 20 may be married, that doesn’t make a single 25 year-old a social pariah. I know that my lifestyle isn’t where I want it yet, and the only thing that is going to change it is time. In time, I will eventually get a teaching job and move out. I know I will eventually also meet someone and someday get married. I’m not too worried about meeting someone right now, so why does everyone else? The last I heard, half of marriages end in divorce. So, I like to think that I’m being sensible and patient. For those similar to me, don’t worry. Our time will come and most likely, we will have a marriage that actually lasts. Of course it’s depressing at times, especially when everyone around you is in relationships. But at the same time, I won’t date to have a boyfriend. So in the meantime, I’ll continue to do the things I enjoy, live life and be patient. Good things come to those who wait.