"Bury Me To Eternity"

 

Silence glow within the dark
As humility stumble with kindness
Sorrow is a malignant curse
That begins confusion and sadness

Devastated dreams and luck
Thoughts deceived by words
Intensely dropped broken hope
Pierced by countless swords

Destiny proclaims a mystery
A day so close and deep
Sun’s virtues were untold
To my ears are saved to creep

Blood rustle down my veins
Huge remorse to defeat and break
Hatred and guilt all follows
With this deep wound that you make

Relieve me now my dearest
In this tormented vanity
Give me touch of affection
And “Bury Me To Eternity”

Reviews

[anonymous.]

nice

[Martin See]

Beautifully bittersweet...I particularly enjoyed the lines "thoughts deceived by words, intensely dropped broken hope pierced by countless swords"....the narrator is in pain and this pain is well articulated through the words...however, even in pain one could have hope of a Light...perhaps something to think about...beautiful...

[A]

I love this! I don't have a bad critique to give. Great poem and writing! :)

[hannah]

Magnificently done. The rhyme scheme you've used in this poem is most impressive, the pattern being a truly rhyming a,b,a,b. No repeated words or words that are made to sound rhyming. It's rhyming and still meaningful, something quite hard to maintain in making or composing a poem.

From what I understood in reading this poem, I think you're trying to express how you can never know what life has in store for you. How in one moment you feel as if you're on the top of the world, satisfied with your life and feeling fulfilled, and the next moment you've lost everything you have and you've fallen, hard. And then, you're asking to be released from all the confusion and pain, asking for what you had before, wanting it all back.

But, that's my interpretation. This could be applied to plenty of situations. Your poem is very flexible. I look forward to reading more of your poems.

- Hannah

[hannah]

Magnificently done. The rhyme scheme you've used in this poem is most impressive, the pattern being a truly rhyming a,b,a,b. No repeated words or words that are made to sound rhyming. It's rhyming and still meaningful, something quite hard to maintain in making or composing a poem.

From what I understood in reading this poem, I think you're trying to express how you can never know what life has in store for you. How in one moment you feel as if you're on the top of the world, satisfied with your life and feeling fulfilled, and the next moment you've lost everything you have and you've fallen, hard. And then, you're asking to be released from all the confusion and pain, asking for what you had before, wanting it all back.

But, that's my interpretation. This could be applied to plenty of situations. Your poem is very flexible. I look forward to reading more of your poems.

- Hannah