Walk On The Beach

a morning on the beach

I walk slowly on the beach

My head full of thought,

Listening carefully to the soft song of the waves

I felt like time was  paused

As if i had all the time in the world.

I wish it could last forever

That soft morning.. on the beach.

 

 

Author's Note

i'm trying my best on the peom..i'm just a beginer!

Reviews

[Kriss]

that's so pretty!
for a short poem, it flowed well and painted a very vivid picture! great work!
p.s Great to see another Twilight fan on here! haha

♥Kriss

[JadedSparrow]

I loved it. It almost has the feel of a Haiku. Reading this I fealt like I was on the beach. I love the imagery you use. I see in your notes that you are just starting to write. Keep it up. You will only get better with time and practice.

[Forist.johnston]

I like it. You've captured the beaches justice, and that deserves applause. Write on =]

I really like your poem; I think that you should add some more lines to it. Watch your tenses, though. At the beginning of the poem you have it in present tense, and then you have it in past tense. Good job!

[PoemRodent]

Spell check or no spell check its the imagery and the moment you create. Don't worry that others look to words spelled yet miss the meaning behind them. Correctness at some point professional but meaning when you feel it deeply inside to write it out. There is the truth in being a writer...

I loved the imagery and feeling you put into this piece, such a change from some I have read and felt.

Love and Thoughts,

Dostani

[Bryce Simonds]

This is much much much better! But, unfortunatly I have more to say.
"My head full of thought," Do you mean "thoughts"? I mean, thought works too, I just wasn't sure if you missed that.
"As if i had all the time in the world." Capitalize the "i" in that. That's the only one you missed.
Other than those things, everything else is so much better. The font is the right size, and nice color choice by the way.
Keep writing!
-Bryce

[Bryce Simonds]

Ok yes, Ari is right. Use spell check. Or even look it over yourself. But I'll help you out on these, that way you don't have to do it yourself. There are a few mistakes here.
First off, the description of the poem. " a moring on the beach" You mean to say "morning" I'm guessing.
Second, you don't have to capitalize the first lettle of every line, but it'd make it look nicer.
Third, "lisoning carefully to the soft song " I'm guessing you mean "listening carefully to the soft song"
Fourth, "i felt like time was plaused " Try instead of "plaused" using the word "paused"
Fifth, you may want to make a part of your poem stand out more, but that doesn't mean you have to change the color and size of the font to an annoyingly big size and color. The pink makes it too "stand-out-ish" Then the size of it makes it overpower the rest of the poem as if the rest doesn't matter.
Sixth, "as if i all the time in the world." You're missing a word there I'm hoping. Does this make more sense "as if I have all the time in the world"?

All in all you have a long way to go on just this poem. But what I'm trying to do here is help you with that. Don't take this review as a bad one just because I'm pointing out your mistakes. Think of it as me helping you become a better writer. Now listen, if you think I'm wrong and you think I'm stupid and I don't know anything. Then don't change what you wrote. Don't let anyone tell you what to do. It's your writing.

Thanks for sharing.
-Bryce

[Ari]

Use spell check. Even if you don't have it on your computer, there are spell check programs online. No one will take you seriously if you have misspellings in your writing.

Also, unless you have a very good reason for it, don't use different sizes of fonts of bright colors.

I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just trying to help you. Keep writing, and keep posting your writing online. There are lots of people who will give you suggestions if you ask. But I assure you, if you don't use spell-check, no one will even bother.

Good luck!