The world

The world is cold.

Into someone else, it did mold me.

Decayed my soul as I grew old.

For years I've marched on with a damn blind fold.

I am just a prisoner that wants parole.

My life too fast for me did unfold.

My damned self now I want to remold.

Maybe it's too late for me to be pure.

Maybe it's too late for the cure.

I should've never taken these damn detours.

Maybe not. I sure do hope.

I need to wash my mind with soap.

Maybe I need to stop putting myself under a damn microscope.

I'm not evil.

I'm just feeble.

Reviews

[MantaStyle]

>Into someone else, me, it did mold.
Even by poetry standards this is quite an awkward line to read.

Other than that, it's nice. I like the message of the poem which is about a man growing and reflecting on his terrible past. Also you try to rhyme your lines which I think is the reason for your sometimes awkward sentence structure and how much you try to force it to rhyme. The rhyming is also inconsistent which makes the structure even weirder.

I like the end lines the most and are probably the best lines in the entire poem.

[pinhead07]

Thank you for the review! I’ll definitely fix that line! :)
Yeah, the rhyming is a little forced sometimes, I agree. Maybe I should try writing free verse for a while.
Besides that, you’re saying if I want to rhyme I should try sticking to a rhyme scheme and structure like in a sonnet?

[MantaStyle]

Yeah. If you want to be free formed then be free formed. If you want to play by the rules then play by the rules, If you try to do both at the same time you'll end up at failing to do both of them. Good luck!

[pinhead07]

Thank you for the advice! :))) Will do. :))))

[Chris Shaw]

A fair bit of inner thought going on here about life. All of us can make mistakes. All of us can do something about them if we choose to do so.

You are using some rhyme here. Be careful of forced rhyme. Your phrasing needs checking in stanza one.

You are improving. It is so much clearer now what you are conveying in these shorter writes. Encouraging to read.

Chris

[pinhead07]

Indeed! :)
Thank you for the advice! :)) I’ve corrected it! I really appreciate the review and the kind words! :)))

[Just Kim]

i love your last two stanza's, this is wonderful

[pinhead07]

Thank you so much! :)))