Pass the Butter

An erotic fanfiction starring Grawk and Nail, the two main characters of Side Quest.

“Pass the butter,” said Grawk to Nail.

They were out in the town, having a luxurious dinner at Blue Lobster, the most exquisite of fancy dining clubs.  Nail moistened his lips, and in his deep, powerful voice he said, “F**k you, Author. I am not partaking in your fanfiction.”

But Nail, oh Nail, if only you could know what I know. You see, I am the author, therefore I write the story. You have to participate whether you like it or not. So let’s skip right to the action.

…

Grawk rubs up against Nail’s hairy chest, slathering it in butter, the very butter that he had earlier rubbed on his own, ample man breasts. “You like this?” asked Grawk. Nail replies, except he doesn’t get the chance. Not because the author couldn’t think of an appropriate line, but because he and Grawk’s pleasure time was interrupted just then. By a bear.

Grawk could only hear a muffled scream, followed by the messy sounds of crunching bone and chewing of flesh. He looked up to see a powerful grizzly bear had encompassed Nail’s skull in its powerful jaws. Nail was dead. Grawk, while disappointed that his previous partner had just bailed via bear murder, was excited to see a partner that was even better than Nail. So strong, such thick, smelly hair, this bear was disgusting, chewing on Nail’s neck stump, and Grawk was all about it. This bear was giving such good head, how could anyone resist?

He took action immediately, refusing to let this chance go to waste, and jumped onto the bear’s back. He straddled it and began rubbing his chest butter into its already filthy fur.

“You like this, bear?” Grawk asked, before he too was attacked by a bear. This bear, unlike the grizzly bear on which he was mounted, was a black bear. It came from through the wall of the no tell motel Kool Aid Man style. Its jaws have just bitten clean through Grawk’s left leg, right below the knee-cap.

“OH GOD” screamed Grawk, “ANOTHER ONE TO -” but he was cut off by a second black bear, which had just bitten Grawk’s face off.

…

The three bears continued eating for about an hour or so, enjoying their buttery meals. After all was said and done, the grizzly bear, obviously the leader, left a note on the bloodied bed, and the 3 bears walked out of the bear sized hole in the wall and back into the neighboring forest.

The note read thus: “Erotic fanfiction will not be stood for by the Bears Against Erotic Fan Fiction Association. (BAEFFA)”

The End

<3

Author's Note

Written in Comic Sans for ultimate irony.