Chapter 3: The Three Spouses Theory

Tegan is appalled at the idea of dating other men.

Tegan sits cross legged on the floor of a small, dark dorm room except for one light on the desk. An alarm clock displays 1:42 AM in red neon. Her best friend, Gayle, since third grade is sitting across from her. She had just shown Tegan an article in a magazine titled, “Is it True Love or Infatuation?” According to the article Tegan’s “love” for Charles is more infatuation.

“This is why you should date other guys,” Gayle says.

“But do I just forget Charles? How does one do that? Wouldn’t it be too sad?” 

“No.  He’ll always be a part of you but you move on.”

That seemed easy for Gayle to do. She is the same age as Tegan but has already gone through 3-5 boyfriends, starting in middle school. It was easy for Gayle to attract attention from the opposite sex since she had been cursed (if you asked her) by a voluminous chest.  Tegan wasn’t flat chested by any means but nothing could compare to Gayle. That paired with her outgoing nature had made Gayle very popular with boys whereas Tegan had been ignored all throughout high school.

“So, every first relationship is doomed? That’s so sad. I had a professor who said everyone should change spouses three times. First one is your first love, second is for having children and the third is for growing old with. But that’s crazy! If you have several then how can you truly be close to any of them? You can’t love three or four people as one, can you? When you switch do you forget the former? Do they forget you? Do you throw all those memories away cause now your heart belongs to another? Cause otherwise wouldn’t your new love feel cheated from a part of you? I mean, I don’t think I could honestly and completely love someone who has deep in his heart memories and feelings for someone else. I would always wonder: does he really love me? Or is he thinking of me as her? Would he rather be with her? How can a person just switch all their love and tenderness from one person to another? I want to share ALL my life - the romance, the children, the growing old - with ONE person who loves me in return with ALL of his heart.”

Tears stream down Tegan’s face. She is sitting slumped over, nervously squeezing the magazine in half. 

“But you do move on,” Gayle says. “It’s unhealthy to remain so focused on one person.”

“But why? I mean I watch my dog sit in front of the window every time my mom leaves the house and doesn’t do a thing till she’s back home.  And that’s wrong, I know. But the feelings are there. I can’t change how I feel. I’ve tried. I can’t. There must be a reason I feel what I do. They just occur naturally. And if those feelings are wrong but occur naturally, does that mean I’m wrong? That I’m somehow fundamentally broken?”

“You're not broken,” Gayle says.

“And what about sex? What if you’d had sex with the person? How do you move on from that?”

“You just do. It becomes easier with each subsequent person. A handshake can lead to sex. It’s natural and okay.”

Tegan’s brain screamed, Are you kidding me right now?! Natural? But she says, “I couldn’t do that with Charles and then leave him.”

“Yes you can. There’d be nothing wrong with you having sex. It’s alright to experiment. And it’s okay to try drugs too as long as it doesn’t get out of hand. It gives you a “worldly view.” I have some marijuana. Do you want to try?”

“NO!” Tegan’s inner monologue screams.

“No,” Tegan says. “I can’t.”

“Okay, well, I’m exhausted. You can have my roommate's bed. She’s not coming back tonight.” 

As Tegan lays wide awake in the unfamiliar bed with its unfamiliar smells, her mind races. 

Where is everyone’s morals? Why am I the prude and immature just because I don’t want to have sex or f**k up my life with drugs? I mean I guess everyone is different. Gayle is outgoing so I guess I can understand how outgoing people can end up having sex. But aren’t they ruining their lives? And people who have affairs are the scum of the earth. I don’t understand how anybody could do that?! I could never hurt someone like that!

People are basically animals, right? Herbivores are polyamorous but wolves mate for life. I’d rather be a wolf. When you look in the eyes of a cow you see a mirror, when you look in the eyes of a wolf you see intelligence. Shallow people are the cows but those with high morals are wolves.  

Only ONE person should share a life with you. Like a mated pair of wolves, you stay together till death do you part and moral people can even go beyond that. How can you even move on after their death? I couldn’t. I’d be so sad I’d probably die too. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be? To be so in love you can't live without the other? 

But maybe I just think too much.  

……….

The next morning Charles could tell immediately something was off with Tegan but it wasn’t until they were alone could he ask. Tegan told him about the conversation she and Gayle had in the wee hours of the morning.

“She says I should date other people. I’m sick of people telling me this! I don’t understand. It’s like the first relationship is always doomed.”

“I don’t want to date other people. Do you want to date other people? I mean don’t listen to them. Everyone is different. We can make our life the way we want it. I got lucky the first time. I don’t want to let you go.”

Charles bear hugs Tegan. She leans against his familiar chest, his familiar smell.

“I don’t want to let you go either.”