Chapter Three

It’s amazing how much a job offer can do for mental wellbeing.

Amelia hadn’t felt this cautiously happy and hopeful in her life. Things were coming together, amazingly. Things were actually starting to look up.

Here they were, living in a new town in a new state. They’d fixed up the apartment so that it looked somewhat, cheaply homely, and they’d managed to buy enough food to feed them for the next month or so. Melissa had taken one look at Amelia’s paintings and offered to show her art in Melissa’s gallery. Amelia had always seen art as more of a hobby than anything, a hobby which occasionally was warranted good enough to pay the bills. But now it was actually being put on display in an actual, real life gallery. She felt so bizarrely, unusually excited that she phoned her mother. She hadn’t done that in two years.

Things were okay. They’d found something. Whatever that something was remained to be seen.

It was all Amelia could think about as she helped Jasmine into her clothes, tying up her laces and doing up her coat button by button.

‘Are you excited?’ she asked whilst crouched in front of her daughter.

‘Dunno,’ Jasmine answered. ‘My tummy hurts.’

‘That’s because you’re nervous, baby.’

‘Nervous?’

‘About school.’Amelia patted the past button, sitting back on her heels and smiling up at her. ‘We all get nervous when we’re starting something new. But it’s gonna be okay. This town’s gonna be good for us. Yeah?’

Jasmine smiled ever so slightly, and then threw her arms around her mother, hugging her so tightly, Amelia felt like all the breath in her body was being slowly taken away. She chuckled, making a muffled protest, and hugged her back.

‘I love you, Mommy,’ Jasmine said. ‘Loads and loads and loads.’

‘More than bees?’ asked Amelia, pulling away slightly so she could breathe.

‘More than anything,’ said Jasmine.

Aw. Sometimes, Jasmine said things that made Amelia’s very heart hurt. This was one of those times. If there was one thing in the whole world worth fighting for, it was her daughter. It was Jasmine’s smile, and her hugs, and her simple explanations for the most complicated things life had to offer. When she’d first had her, Amelia had worried she’d turn out just as messed up as she’d been for her whole life. But she hadn’t so far. She was a good kid, and Amelia was glad.

‘Come on, now, let up,’ Amelia laughed.

Jasmine held her tighter, and then finally let go, beaming at her. Once again, her smile reached her eyes. After all the trouble they’d gone through, all the trauma, all the moving and lying and loneliness, Amelia knew everything was worth it to see Jasmine smile like she meant it. A meaningful smile was a rare thing these days, and Amelia would rather die than have that taken away from her daughter.

Amelia stood up, grabbing her own coat from the peg.

‘Let’s get you to school,’ she said, smiling.

The school was close by, which Amelia was forever grateful for. In the last place they’d stopped, the school had been a whole drive away. Here, thankfully, it was in walking distance.

Amelia herself felt nervous. Jasmine had only had to start school twice, and she was a kid; it would be so easy for her to make friends. Amelia, on the other hand, had been at the receiving end of a lot of judgement for how young she was. She’d had Jasmine as a misguided seventeen-year-old girl, with a boy she wasn’t married to. Her father had disowned her, and her mother had stopped speaking to her for a full year. Now, as she let her mother back into her life, she was still constantly on guard for rejection. She was rejected by everyone, at all times. It was less a question of whether people would judge her, and more how they’d go about doing that. Amelia had no friends. She would never make them with other parents--not when she looked like a teenager, so covered up in layers of youth was she.

The school was a nice one. Modern, with a school motto of Be good, be kind, and be happy! The other families were a mix of classes, a mix of colors, a mix of everything. The kids all looked happy enough, running around screaming on the school playground, some of them arguing over pebbles and others playing tag. As soon as they arrived on the grounds, Jasmine was clutching Amelia’s hand so tightly, she was sure she was going to pull her arm off.

‘It’s going to be okay,’ Amelia reassured her, squeezing her hand. ‘This will be good for you, baby. You’ll make loads of friends!’

‘No I won’t,’ Jasmine automatically whispered back. ‘I don’t like it. They all look mean. It’s not good to be mean.’

‘I know, kid.’

Amelia wasn’t surprised at Jasmine’s reaction. She was just like her. As a kid herself, Amelia had moved from school to school to school, and each and every time, she’d been the odd one out. Too quiet, too shy, too weird, and she never had enough time to properly bond with the other children.

She didn’t want the same for Jasmine. She really didn’t. Every night, she struggled to sleep from all the guilt at moving her around so much, but she had her reasons. She always had an excuse.

‘You’re going to be okay,’ Amelia reassured her now. ‘You’re a nice girl. You’ll make tons of friends. Just give it some time, okay?’

Jasmine bit her lip. ‘Okay,’ she whispered.

Amelia would have said more, but at that very moment, the bell began ringing. Amelia crouched down, hands on Jasmine’s shoulders, and looked her right in the eyes.

‘You are going to be fine. You’re going to have fun. I promise.’

Jasmine didn’t answer.

Amelia kissed her forehead, patting her arm. ‘Come on. Let’s get you settled in.’

She went with her to her classroom, exchanging the normal pleasantries with the teacher, a kindly older woman with the softest brown eyes in the world. When Amelia began to leave, Jasmine clung to her hand, refusing to let go.

‘I want you to stay,’ she gasped, tears already running down her face. ‘I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t--’

‘Hey, hey, hey.’ Amelia hugged her tightly. ‘I’ll be back before you know it. It’s just one day, okay? You’ll do loads of playing and having fun. You won’t even notice I’m not here.’

‘Don’t leave me.’

‘Jazz, this is school. I have to.’

The teacher came to the rescue, smiling down at Jasmine with a kind expression on her face. ‘Hey there, Jasmine. How about I let you hold Richard for today?’

She held up a teddy bear with a fuzzy bow tie.

Jasmine hesitated. Slowly, she took the bear, glancing uncertainly at her mother.

‘We’re going to have a nice, calm day today, Jasmine,’ the teacher said. ‘You can even do some finger-painting. You’d like that, wouldn’t you? To do a nice painting for Mommy?’

Jasmine bit her lip again. ‘Maybe,’ she said.

‘We’re going to have so much fun!’ the teacher said with a big smile. ‘You’ll feel right at home here, Jasmine. It’s going to be okay.’

Jasmine was looking uncertainly at the other children, and didn’t protest when the teacher took her hand.

‘Come on, let’s go and put our bags and coats in the cloakroom, okay?’

‘Okay,’ said Jasmine.

The teacher smiled at Amelia over the child’s head. I’ve got this, she mouthed.

Amelia smiled back. When she left, Jasmine did not protest.

Walking out of the kindergarten class, Amelia felt the guilt being overrun by the feeling of success. Jasmine was at school. With a nice teacher. With a nice class. She was going to be okay, and finally, finally, Amelia had succeeded in something as a mother. Her kid was at school, with a stable home, for the first time in years.

We’ve got this, she remembered Jasmine saying on their first night here.

‘Yeah we do, Jazz,’ Amelia murmured out loud. ‘Yeah we do.’

 

~

 

With little else to do, Amelia decided to walk to the park, scouting the area for places she could take Jasmine to settle her into the community. There was an ice cream parlor on the corner, and a few cute little cafes and thrift shops down the high street. The park was only a few blocks away from their apartment, and it looked nice enough. Clean, and currently empty, since all the kids were at school. Amelia had to wonder. It felt like it was working out. It felt like she was winning, for once in her life. That was a weird feeling. She’d be cautious about all this hoping. She’d had to be cautious about hope her whole life.

She carried on walking through the streets, buying a newspaper on the way from a man who looked like he was dead inside. She decided to go and read it in a cafe, truly immerse herself in the community. Hell, maybe she’d even make it her local, like the women in the romance novels she read. One day, she’d be able to walk in and say The usual, please and the barista would know exactly what she meant.

She couldn’t help daydreaming, even if it did make her feel like a child. She’d had her childhood robbed from her. She wanted to live it now, even if it was through coffee shops and romantic fantasies.

The cafe she chose was right on the corner next to the ice cream parlor (bad for business, she mused), and it was almost completely empty. It suited Amelia just fine. Socialization was hard enough, without that socialization being annoying small talk to make her feel embarrassed and as dead inside as the man selling newspapers.

It was nice on the inside. A few booths scattered around here and there, a neon sign behind the counter. The wooden stools against the bar were rickety and falling apart, but the walls were painted a nice red colour and the floor was black-and-white tiling. It looked sleek, even if it was just slightly outdated. Amelia rather felt as though she was walking into the 50s again, and she’d be damned if she ever wanted to relive those years. No thank you. She could do without the shouting of her father and the screaming of her mother echoing through her brain, transforming her back into that eight-year-old girl hiding away from the monsters. She’d rather live in the present. As s**t as her life had been, at least she had something at the moment. At least she had some sort of agency over the s**t. Back then, she’d had nothing. Less than.

There were only a few patrons dotted about, and they stared at her as she entered. Amelia ignored them. She was too used to stares to care.

She walked straight up to the counter, swinging around to sit on one of the stools.

‘Howdy,’ the man behind the bar greeted her. He was cleaning a glass with a dirty rag. Amelia felt, bizarrely, like she was in a movie. ‘Haven’t seen you around before.’

‘I’m new in town,’ Amelia confessed.

‘Yeah? Where’d you come from?’

She swallowed, gesturing vaguely. ‘Oh, you know. Here and there. Hey, can I get a coffee please? A latte, if you don’t mind.’

‘Of course.’

He started making it, glancing up at her every few minutes and grinning. At one point, she thought she caught him winking at her, which made her more uncomfortable than it should.

Still. She supposed she should feel flattered.

Whilst she was waiting, Amelia got out her newspaper from her handbag, reading over the rather grim deadline.

THIRD WOMAN DISAPPEARS: POLICE SUSPECT FOUL PLAY.

Amelia frowned, reading on.

Kathryn Miller, 24, was last seen on September 15th at 10:41PM. She was last seen walking down Grant Avenue en route to her boyfriend’s home three blocks away. No evidence has been found. Miller is the third woman to disappear in the last two weeks, and police are beginning to suspect foul play, PC Harold Vannes divulges. “We don’t know where they’ve gone or what might have happened to them,” Vannes says, “but we advise any woman between the ages of 15 and 30 to avoid walking alone at night, or at all.” the mother of Kathryn Miller, Mrs Harriet Miller, has declined to comment.

‘My God, that’s awful,’ Amelia muttered.

The barista glanced over at the newspaper headline, his expression darkening when he saw it. ‘You heard about that, huh? Yeah. Pretty sick world we’re living in these days.’

‘What do you think happened?’

‘If you ask me, those girls are never gonna be found. They’re dead. People don’t just disappear.’ He shook his head. ‘So young. She had her whole life ahead of her. There are some sick b******s in this world.’ He paused, his expression growing concerned. ‘You be careful, okay? Young thing like you won’t last long if you’re not careful. Don’t go out alone.’

She nodded slowly. ‘Thanks…’

The bell on the door rang out as someone else entered the cafe. It was like the barista became a different person; his glum face brightened up at the sight of whoever was at the door, and as he pushed Amelia’s latte in front of her, his eyes were on the new customer and the new customer alone.

‘Howdy, Brady! How’s life faring ya?’ he exclaimed.

Brady? Amelia frowned, turning.

Thomas Brady stood in the doorway, dressed in dark pants and a deep green sweater. He gave the barista a warm smile, coming to sit down--right next to Amelia.

‘Ah, all good,’ he said, still smiling. ‘What about you? How’s Jenny?’

‘Up to no good as always,’ chuckled the barista. ‘That girl’s gonna get in trouble one of these days. I worry about her, you know? Especially with that happening.’

He gestured to Amelia’s newspaper, which Thomas pulled towards him. He obviously hadn't been aware of this before, because Amelia heard him breathe, "Another one?" His eyes looked so soulful in that moment, as though he was feeling all of that woman's pain himself. He glanced back up at the barista, shaking his head slowly. ‘F**k,’ he said flatly.

‘Horrible,’ the barista assented, shuddering. ‘I couldn't even--God, that poor family. I had to throw my paper away before the missus saw it. She'd be wanting to move country, let alone state.’

‘I wouldn't blame her,’ Thomas said. ‘This sort of s**t makes me want to drive back home and make sure my sister's okay.’

The barista nodded, his face sympathetic. There was a silence, very short, very tense. Amelia felt like she'd just been eavesdropping. She didn't know this barista or his missus, but if she wanted to pack up and leave because of these disappearances, Amelia wouldn't blame her, either. In fact, she'd be asking to carpool with Jasmine.

‘But anyway, what can I get you?’

The barista's baritone cut into Amelia's thoughts, and she lifted her head.

‘Black coffee to go, please,’ Thomas answered, already reaching into his blazer pocket for his wallet.

Amelia thought he was going to go the whole time without acknowledging her, but as he pulled his wallet out, he glanced up at her, his smile deepening.

‘Hi, stranger. Didn’t think I’d be seeing you again since you ran off last time. I looked for you, you know, but Rob said you’d already gone.’

She already felt her cheeks coloring at his attention. His voice was like chocolate. She could listen to him speak all day, especially when he was speaking to her.

‘Yeah, sorry, I had to get home,’ she said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and smiling shyly at him. ‘Duty calls, you know.’

She added three sugars to her coffee and began to sip at it, thankful for something else to do. The barista handed Thomas his black coffee to go, and for a moment, Amelia was allowed to just watch him as he handed the money over. If Thomas noticed her staring at him, he didn’t show any signs. Apart from a knowing smirk, which just made Amelia want to stare at him even more.

‘Robin was saying you have a kid,’ Thomas said once he’d paid.

‘Robin and his big mouth,’ sighed Amelia. ‘Yes, I do. Jasmine.’

‘How old?’

‘Five.’

‘Aw, how sweet. The golden age, as my dear mother used to say.’ He said the words with a surprising amount of bitterness.

She frowned at him slightly. ‘Don’t get on with your mom?’

‘Not her biggest fan,’ he admitted.

Her heart fluttered in her chest. ‘Me neither.’

He looked at her. Whenever he looked at her, he really, really looked. He saw her. That was weird to Amelia. People didn’t usually, really see her. They could stare for days and they would never see who she truly was.

‘We seem to have a lot in common,’ he observed, taking a sip of his coffee and watching her the whole time.

She grinned. ‘If you tell me you’ve got daddy issues, too, I’m going to report some identity theft to the cops.’

He laughed, a deep, rumbling sound, and continued to grin at her. ‘Or you could, you know, just let me buy you dinner.’

She blinked. She hadn’t expected that. Men weren’t usually like that with her. They were either too shy to approach her or too vulgar for her to want--for instance, her elderly neighbor who’d stared at her legs. Men she wanted never usually asked. But here was Thomas Brady, a man who seemed to know what he wanted and how to get it. He was confident, he was charming. He knew himself.

That was more than could be said of most people.

She almost said yes. Almost.

But then she thought of Jasmine. They’d only been in town for two weeks, and she was already being unsettled by a change in routine. It wouldn’t be fair to her to bring a man into her life, not after all this time without. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them. Amelia had to sort out her own s**t first, and Jasmine needed time to settle in.

Her smile was awkward, and she tried to hide it in her latte only to realize she’d already drank it. Damn.

‘Well, um. I’d love to,’ she confessed. Because she would. She really would. ‘But I can’t really…I’m not dating at the moment.’

He looked disappointed, and maybe a little upset. It flashed in his eyes, just for a moment, and was gone by the time Amelia really tried to examine it.

‘Because of your daughter?’

‘Yeah.’ Amelia bowed her head. ‘I really would love to, Thomas. You seem like a great guy. I just can’t. Not right now.’ She smiled uncertainly. ‘Ask me again in a couple of months and maybe I’ll have the sense to say yes.’

He smiled, and it was more strained than usual, but still easy enough. ‘I get it, don’t worry. Seriously, don’t worry.’

She swallowed. Suddenly, everything was awkward.

She stood up before she could change her mind, throwing a few dollars down on the counter for the barista, who was off talking to a different customer.

‘I, um, I should get going,’ she said awkwardly. ‘But it was nice to see you again.’

‘Oh, yeah, I should go as well.’ He stood up, too. ‘Got a lot of work to do.’

‘Yeah, me too.’

She bowed her head. What did she say now? No hard feelings? You’re really great but…?

No. She couldn’t say any of it.

Instead, she said, ‘I’ll, um…see you around.’ And then she was gone, rushing away so fast, she forgot to pick up her newspaper on the way out.