I Know Nothing of Tomorrow

  “I know nothing of tomorrow except the love of God will rise before the sun”  That is the beginning of a song my daughter sang in the Memorial Drive Presbyterian Church children’s choir.

 

It’s just now fully acknowledging the need to truly let go of the useless expectations that crowd into my mind each day.  It’s just now that in many ways I feel like I’m “hitting my full stride” in life.  I feel that everything that’s happened before has led up to this very minute when I can harvest that for which I have labored so hard.  That is:

 

Freedom.  Freedom is the exemption of having to live a life that was “thought best for me” by others, freedom from fitting in the conventional wisdom of the times.  From thinking it is I who can change any loved one’s beliefs or behaviors.  The freedom to be true to myself is an enormous joy.

 

I’ve survived much loss in life.  I don’t imagine what can possibly destroy my hard-won equanimity, and I can honestly say that those losses that hurt so deeply also had a golden side.  That was a peace in my heart that I never would have attained without these tests.  I was taught by them that there is a source of strength and courage and hope that I by myself could never have managed.  This strength is invisible to the eye.  Only when I could say out loud, “I don’t know” and “I need help” did this energy swoop down and cover me with an amazing release.  I call this presence, so important in my life, God.

 

I’ve also discovered a delightful “child” inside me that I’ve kept throughout everything.  She is letting herself indulge in playfulness to the hilt.  I let her roam wherever she wants and she has led me into unimaginable joy.  She lets her natural affection shower upon people she likes, and calls to their minds that we are mirrors to each other " what we spot in another is a part of ourselves or we couldn’t see it in another.  So, when someone sees kindness or gentleness in me, they have the same quality. 

 

This playful inner child makes a daily game of looking for the good in people, of smiling at others, offering a spot in traffic, simple gestures of good will.  Like is so harsh, everyone is carrying a burden.  Why not add a small amount of sunshine?  It seems to be true:  What you give, you get back.

 

I believe that the good thoughts we encourage in ourselves can spill over into a bit of joy in the lives of many, like the taste of hot chocolate on a cold winter’s day. 

The feeling deep inside today for me is the saying, “All is well.”  All is well inside because I will never be alone as long as I believe, as long as I trust.