The Envelope of Loss

A sad day when husbands march to war, or to their deaths...

The mourning breeze awakens me,

the envelope still in my hand.

The sad, sad news still threatens me,

as I listen to the sounds of the band.

The horns blow while the marchers march,

the thumps and note so clear.

The danger of losing begins to spark,

with the memory of yesterday so near.

I stair into the clear blue sky,

and say a prayer aloud,

knowing that he will be leaving my side,

I walk towards a crowd.

As tears weld up in my eyes,

I stand on the tips of my toes

searching though people and their cries,

and the shameful things they know.

I see him though it all,

and wave so heavenly,

as he walks with other men so tall,

and shows to sadness to me.

One, two…one, two,

they mach to the beat.

I turn away one, tow…

with my heart beat.

The afternoon breeze awakens me,

the envelope no longer in my hand,

the sad, sad news still threatens me,

without the help of the band.

Author's Note

Just tell me what you truley think about it, and if you thought that I captured the emotion well enough. Please and thank you! :)

Reviews

[Sarah]

I really loved the irony of the triumphant, heroic setting (the band playing, the soldiers marching...) & the sadness of the wife who is being left behind, as well as the general melancholy tones of war. You conveyed this contrast of setting well, and genuinely portrayed the emotions of a lonely wife, grieving at the idea of being seperated by her husband, and possibly never seeing him again. Great job!

[Damian Alan Gray]

Overall, it's a great poem. You did capture the essence of the emotionalism of a family torn apart by war. The anxiety and fear involved with something like this must be left to the poets of society because most people cannot put their feelings about it into words. The poem could do with a good run-through, regarding spelling, but otherwise I thought it was great.

[Nova]

Wow, that was depressing. I liked it. You captured the feelings very well. Great write.

[Fran Marie]

A very sad piece so deeply and well expressed ~ wonderfully penned~

THanks for sharing this poignant write~Fran Marie

[Trée]

Mae, you've done a wonderful job describing a heart known only to those with that letter in their hands. With just a few words you've painted a picture so clear to see, so moving to feel. In particular these three lines made me pause, slow down and read again, giving them space to seep:

As tears weld up in my eyes,

I stand on the tips of my toes

searching though people and their cries

Nice work. Thanks for sharing.

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

A very sad poem. Excellent write. Thank you for sharing. Debileah