The sun’s gentle rays touched my skin as I stepped onto the
edge. My eyes remained fixed on the horizon that slowly started to merge with
those crimson rays, creating a force which softly pulled me closer to the drop.
The sky danced to the changing rhythms of glittering evening colours. It swirled
along to the blue and yellow like a seraphic canvas.
As I inched further to the edge of the cliff, I caught a
glimpse of God’s painting. A breathless view, content in its own soul while I
watched it from above. It had a heart that never stopped beating, and breathed
life into all that surrounded it. I watched
the sea flirt with the sand, pulling each helpless grain into its vastness. The
sea, once an empty pit, now found tranquility in the waters that completed it.
And now, I stood here, on the cliff, looking for something to the fills the
gaps placed in my heart. To find an inspiration, perhaps, that would draw back the
life that once abandoned me. I was back on my feet. I looked down into the eyes
of these clear waters. And then, it was all clear to me. The sky, the land and
the sea, all whispered into my ear, and told me to let go. My heart detached itself
from my brain and welcomed its new found freedom back. It told me to stop thinking.
I shut my eyes and counted to three, and then I jumped.
I jumped into the endless possibilities and an unfamiliar
beginning. I didn’t know what the future held for me after this, but I did know
that I left the person I once was behind on that cliff. Was I to live or die, I
didn’t care. As long as I was not the person I left behind. I left my problems,
my troubles and myself.
Between the sky, the land and the sea, I fell. The wind
caressed its breezy fingers through my hair while guiding my free falling body.
For the first time in years, I was at peace. All my insecurities were abandoned,
and all my regrets were forgotten. I was a new person emerging, as the wind
helped to shed my old skin. I plunged directly into the water and rose back up,
floating around, free from the weight of everything. I lived to remember the experience;
the experience of thoughtlessness. And this thoughtlessness that gave me a
chance to liberate myself, and fling myself into the open; to become a part of
God’s painting. And when I looked up into the sky, it had changed its colour
into a hopeful green.
Great story Pia. How many people have had that calling at the last minute. Lives broken and gone, seemingly with no hope, but to end it all. But then, that sign. Maybe a voice, strong thought. Who knows. But hope it gives. People change and prosper, and reflect.
The expression is beautiful. It creates a wonderful imagery. I love how the story flows with such nice expression and also a good twinge of suspense. I read your other writes as well. The abstracts or psychological ones, all only seemed to raise the radar of your creativity. Write more!
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
Thank you so much !!! Ill definitely want to write more with all the motivation !!
So powerful and well told... the poem was so melancholy but still held a calm and peaceful tone... I absolutely loved it (and green is one of my favorite colours too:))
I should leave this review empty because I'm speechless. There's nothing to say.it speaks for itself.almost perfect.I was immediately lost in your words especially the imagery you create in my head.the color green I think of trees,plants,grass.symbolizing the season of spring.spring equates to something new.a new hope.beautiful.
First I thought she was committing suicide, then it happens so that she just took a dive into the sea, leaving her sorrows behind. I love this for the climax and also for the picture it painted in my head of the setting.
Beautiful as heartrending story. I think you told what suicide people think, feel but cannot tell.
I felt this kind of feelings when I left people who damaged me or when I resigned from bad job places. I never thought those feelings could be referred to a whole life when a person commits suicide.
Compliments, you gave me a great emotion.
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
im glad you could reflect on this. thank you so much
Very well constructed with a wonderfully hopeful conclusion. The story is magnified in beauty by the excellent use of description you have employed throughout. Images of falling, shedding skin and being reborn anew add strength to your piece.
I would be interested to see your opinion on a piece of my own, "By the River, Acheron", which deals with a similar theme to this story.
A fine piece of writing. Lustrously described with a sobering, reflective message contained within. Well Done.
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
thank you for your review
id love to read your piece as well !!
This is such a colorful piece if you know what I mean, you made us imagine a lot of stuff and the kind of images you mentioned is so beautifully written, good job!
This is awesome! There are many pieces on this website describing hopelessness, but this is what I always long for . . . showing hopelessness & still injecting a high level of artistry in your words. This is what memorable writing feels like. I love your vivid imagery & the gradual transitions from one state of mind to another. I love that your message could be interpreted as suicide or avoiding suicide & walking away to a new life after depositing the old broken self over the cliff. Very thought-provoking & could be different for every reader.
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
I'm so glad you enjoyed this
Thanks for your amazing review !!!