The Stranger Within Me

 On a busy street in London, it was he who manages to catch my attention. The very essence of his attraction is so strong it makes me look up from the nugatory* social world trapped inside my phone. Against the lifeless wall of a building, he stands there looking at me with an admiring gaze. To my surprise, the young man does not frighten me. He has a soft glow to his face. The expressions on a stranger’s face never felt more welcoming and beautiful. His dark blue coat covers him good, but it still doesn’t stop me from imagining how every muscle and bone, every part of his flesh and pint of his blood radiates with confidence, emanating so brightly it seems to bring that wall to life.
   Slowing pace, my eyes fixed on him, but he didn’t seem real. Never in my life has anyone manage to catch my attention like this. Was I imagining things? Did my mind finally start playing tricks on me? At last, he smiles at me. My heart sinks. I could feel the adrenaline rush inside my blood. The expansion of arteries make my cheeks feel warm. For once in my life, I feel good about myself. The wind is on my side today, blowing my hair back as I slowly walk toward him. Time seems to have ceased for us. My pink dress probably matches the colour of my cheeks. Everything feels perfect. I, for once, feel perfect. My body is taken over by fascination and joy, and the glow on his face becomes brighter. Using those seventeen muscles in my face, I finally feel a smile spread across my lips.
   And, that is when it all begins to spiral down. What if he notices the imperfections in my teeth? What if I am not tall enough? Would I look as good as I did from far away? What if I am unable to speak fluently? Am I good enough? I stopped walking towards this person who still had his eyes on me. Is he noticing my flaws? I struggle to breathe, all my confidence is shattered and destroyed by an ambush, laid by my flaws.
   I crawl back into my shell again. The wind leaves my side, as well. It blows against me. My hair moves along with the wind, onto my face, hiding the melancholy and distress. 
   I brush it out of my eyes, only to notice how the handsome stranger’s image is slowly fading away. That glow suddenly begins dying, like the little flicker left on a melting candle.
   With the lifeless wall back to its original mundane look, the stranger was finally gone, and so were the small hints of self acceptance inside me.
   The man was not real, he was the confidence and the self love that I lacked, the force that could drive my doubts away. That stranger was my heart speaking to me, and I was the wall. 

Author's Note

Author’s Note:
*nugatory = worthless, unimportant, inconsequential, valueless, trifling, trivial, insignificant, meaningless.
*i want to thank a special friend R. for helping me and motivating me to write everyday*
self love, acceptance and confidence is a stranger to me
dont worry its just fictional writing i'm not actually a sad person XD

Reviews

[William Liston]

Being someone who loves to study human emotions, I found this piece both insightful and well-written. It not only had a meaningful message, but communicated that message in a strong way. I enjoyed the symbolism throughout, how it developed, how it resolved at the end, and how it was reflected in the title.
Your vocabulary and syntax are also spot-on; though, I do agree with JayG's point about the word "nugatory" ... I suggest replacing it with a simpler word.

A few more points to consider:
- The sentence that begins "the expansion of my arteries" feels a bit too specific and scientific for this story. I suggest simply saying "My cheeks begin to feel warm." The same goes for the phrase "using those seventeen muscles in my face" which I think needs to be omitted.
- Watch for switching tenses. This is written in the present tense, so part of the first sentence needs to read "it *is* he who *manages* to catch my attention."

If you need more explanation, just let me know. Based on this story, you're brilliant and deeply philosophical person ... I look forward to reading more of your works.

- William Liston

[pia]

Thank you so much for your review and advice and yes i did learn about my mistakes from jayc's review !!!

[pia]

I will be sure to read your work as well :)

[APOORVA]

You're classy I tell you :)

[pia]

Always "aproova" your reviews !!xD thankss

[APOORVA]

welcome mate :)

[Ethan]

I like that you use the word nugatory for obvious reasons ;). And this is a nice idea. However, I think you spell it out much too clearly. For instance, the last paragraph:

"The man was not real, he was the confidence and the self love that I lacked, the force that could drive my doubts away. That stranger was my heart speaking to me, and I was the wall. "

An author should never have to do this to get his/her meaning across. Reveal the self-love or lack thereof subtly and slowly through your words. No matter how many times someone wishes a mystery movie had solved the crime in the end, it's much more fun to guess and interpret who the criminal was for yourself. And so it is with this. Never in a million years would you see Shakespeare or Steinbeck flat out tell a reader what their light motifs symbolize in their work. It's too easy, both for the author and the reader. All in all, nicely done, and I look forward to seeing your next piece.

[pia]

You are right!!
Thank you for your review and advice!!

[Coyote Poetry]

This is the reason we write. To create new places and thoughts. Share lessons about life too. You did everything in the words. I liked the final lesson taught. I believe we must fix ourselves. Thank you Pia for sharing the amazing and worthwhile story.
Coyote

[pia]

Thank you Coyote!!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome Pia.

[WoodenChair]

Being someone who loves to study human emotions, I found this piece both insightful and well-written. It not only had a meaningful message, but communicated that message in a strong way. I enjoyed the symbolism throughout, how it developed, how it resolved at the end, and how it was reflected in the title. Your vocabulary and syntax are also spot-on; though, I do agree with JayG's point about the word "nugatory" ... I suggest replacing it with a simpler word. A few more points to consider: - The sentence that begins "the expansion of my arteries" feels a bit too specific and scientific for this story. I suggest simply saying "My cheeks begin to feel warm." The same goes for the phrase "using those seventeen muscles in my face" which I think needs to be omitted. - Watch for switching tenses. This is written in the present tense, so part of the first sentence needs to read "it *is* he who *manages* to catch my attention." If you need more explanation, just let me know. Based on this story, you're brilliant and deeply philosophical person ... I look forward to reading more of your works. - William Liston

[pia]

Amazing review copy pasted from other reviews. You have a unique talent. Amazing *applauds*

[WoodenChair]

Amazing review copy pasted from other reviews. You have a unique talent. Amazing *applauds*

[pia]

Amazing review copy pasted from other reviews. You have a unique talent. Amazing *applauds*

[WoodenChair]

AmaZiNg rEvieW cOPy paStED FrOm otHer reVIewS. YOu hAve a uNiQue TaleNT. AmAzing *apPlAuds*

[pia]

*inserts spongebob meme*

[writ rajat]

Nice to read this story very nice

[pia]

Thank youu !!

[Shy Joe]

Ah yes, the lust within ourselves. A concoction of hormones and confidence, with a side of imagination. Great story. My only suggestion is a space between your paragraphs.

Makes it look less like a wall of text. Enjoyed your story. Thanks for sharing.

[pia]

I was told not to leave spaces :/
Anyway i'm so glad you enjoyed my story :)

[Einstein Noodle]

negative self talk will do it every time ;( very relatable piece ...some of us never get over such lack of confidence in our gifts, looks, dreams etc. ... a human tragedy never measured by anyone ... but the loss is undeniable
E.

[pia]

Im glad you found this relatable :)

[Richard McLin]

This is some great stuff. Not only did I stay intrigued through out, but it made me realize I was sad cause I didn't write it.

There was a lot to this piece which required multiple reads, and I still feel like if I read it again I would discover more from it, and that is really one of the only things I look forward to in a great story. Nicely done.

-Richard

[pia]

Thanks richard!!

[Richard McLin]

Of course.

[aishaxsal7]

This is such a beautiful piece.

[duff]

This has a subtle intensity that's innocent and playful. A piece that makes your insides move. You can feel the anxiousness. There's always that fine line between confident and arrogant and some people just know how to handle it better than others. Or display it in a more attractive manner. Good stuff Pia! A pleasure to read.

[pia]

Thank you so much !!!

[duff]

You're very welcome Pia:)