My Person

i tend to go through extreme emotional cycles (everyone does).

 

Who am I? I struggle to go forth with this question for the sole reason that; I do not know who I am. I keep erasing sentences as i move forward. The struggle to form the image of my ‘person’ leaves me unhinged in a world of perfect and imperfect perceptions I have of myself. Am I the person I believe I am? Or am I what others think of me? Unable to cope with expectations and requirements from the world, my ‘person’ breaks away from me. It has a mind of its own now.  A mind stronger than mine, it takes over my emotions. It takes over every bit of me. I’m but a puppet working on what it wants. However, it doesn’t know what it wants....it changes every day. It changes when I meet people. It changes when I’m alone.  

 

My ‘person’ reshapes its consistency as I surround myself with others. It lets me laugh, joke, speak my mind. It lets me be an extrovert; gaining everyone’s attention by being the feather-brained ‘person’ I tend to be. I love being the centre and making the world revolve around me. It’s pretentious but, it’s my ‘person’.  Suddenly, the centre collapses into a dark meaningless pit of shattered morale. I crawl back into the box I conceal my ‘person’ in. The ‘person’ too scared to show itself, fearful of self- doubt and rejection. The ‘person’ needs some time to regain motivation.  I’ll wait while it restores its courage and emerges back. This time different again. 

Reviews

[N.]

I love this piece because it pull back the curtain and we get to see what you are going through while trying to figure out who you are. Which to be honest, I think we all thought at sometime or another in our lives. It is a very vulnerable piece which to me was very courageous of you to put it out there. Thank you for sharing a piece of you with the world. N.

[pia]

Thank you for your analysis on it !!!

[N.]

No. Thank you for writing something so raw and real.

[Maria]

Very opened and pure. True, we all go through this process at many times within our lives. Well written.

[pia]

Thank you !!

[Maria]

You are welcomed

[Einstein Noodle]

"The fifth stage is identity vs. role confusion, and it occurs during adolescence, from about 12-18 years. During this stage, adolescents search for a sense of self and personal identity, through an intense exploration of personal values, beliefs and goals." from Simply Psychology written by Saul McLeod published 2008, updated 2017 on Erik Erikson's stages of development ...
i share that because there is a risk during that time in which we think we are "odd" maybe even going a little crazy ..or the only one going through it... these days with such viciousness in "bully cliques" it compounds the struggle .. i am 68 and along with Barley girl do not give a rip about defining much in life any more either ... maybe boundaries ;) teenage is an awkward age ... you will work through it my friend .. gain wisdom and confident peace that will sustain you and make the next struggle a more clear headed experience ... a wonderful theme to write on .. obviously confessional (at least to me) so very courageous to leave your self vulnerable ... advice i would give one of my daughters at this stage would be ... vulnerability is Ok; but don't leave your shield at home ... some are mean and nasty trolls out here ... love and joy pia! so glad we met!
E.

[pia]

Oh ive studied Erikson and his psychosocial stages. I just passed my teen staged entered my 20s with a new found passion to write
I always love itttt when older people review my work and share their wisdom and thought. Its always so genuine and nice
Makes me learn more
Thank you so much !!!

[Einstein Noodle]

I think Erikson has a good general model ... i am a retired RN and studied those things in school also ..i am 68 .. enjoying my "simplifying and life's review ;)))) love and peace to you pia .. hope to be reading more and more of your stuff

[Dreambound]

Love, Heartbreak, Doubt, Joy, Laughter, Pain.
We shape ourselves each and every time.
Regain your motivation and you will return better than the last time, you might suffer for it, but you might find the joy you seek.

This is a great piece of writing, all of the best.

[pia]

Appreciate those wise words
Thanks !!

[Coyote Poetry]

I believe life. Is lesson and more lesson. You will change many times. Become a different person with age and responsibility. I have change my life completely four times. I left countries and people. Sometime we fall into a quicksand and we must escape and find our proper spot. Old man wisdom. Don't give-in, don't give-up. Go forward and reach for great dreams. Thank you Pia for sharing your amazing words and thoughts.
Coyote

[pia]

Thank you for your wise words !!! And your review appreciate it !!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome Pia.

[rowan.taylorrr]

i love this. it shows your true self and it shows how hard it can be to know your true identity

[pia]

Thankss !!

[barleygirl]

Your introspection here reminds me of how I used to try to figure out similar things. It's nice to be old (60) becuz now I don't care about defining anything in life, since everything changes. I like your self-honesty & originality in expressing yourself here. I like the blend of straightforward observations & more imaginative imagery like "suddenly the centre collapses into a dark meaningless pit of shattered morale". In my experience, trying to figure out ourselves is something that plagues creative people . . . but I wouldn't want to be a rigid person with a firm self-concept. Your writing is thought-provoking.

[pia]

thank you so much!!

[Healing Star]

In Satsang we learn we are not the Person, but we are the Awareness behind the Person. The Image of who we always thought ourselves to be, that is the Person, and what we thought others expected of us, the Person is not who we truly are. For the I that you are, this I that you use when you say I am this, or I like this, or I did this ... This I has always been, there is no beginning of this I, and there is no end to this I, no one gifted you I, you have always been I, there was a name given when you were born, at this time you became what that name represents, the expectations of your parents, family, friends, teachers, and yourself, this person began then. All of these things change over time, you could say they come and go, but this I it does not come and go, because this I has always been and will always be, it cannot come and go. Inside you can Discover, only you can, there is a truth there, there is a space there, when you are in your quiet alone, and you are still and feeling from this space, ask yourself where dose this end - you will say it does not end, and ask when did this begin, you will just know, it does not begin, it has always been, and ask where is this Not, and you will say immediately nowhere, for surely this is Everywhere, there is Nowhere that it is Not, there is Nowhere that this I does not exist. This I exists everywhere. Very good write, very thought provoking, this speaking, discussion about the Person - which is one side of us, but definitely not your True Self, your Divine Self. You will Discober thousands of things within you that come and go, that change over time, these point to what is not you, We need to find what comes and goes and detatch from these, and find what does not come and go, because this is the Discovery of Self, what does not come and go, does not change over time, this is the True You, please Accept this, and follow me in Discovering and connecting with All that we Are, and burning away by throwing it on our Energy Fire within - burn away all that I am Not, and bring me into the alignment of my True Frequency, to See what I have been avoiding all my Life, the TRue Beauty of Who we Truly Are. thank you for the inspiration.

[pia]

I loved your deeper analysis !!!
Thanks for reading !!

[Richard McLin]

Very good piece. This is the first piece I have read of yours, and it has made me very excited to read more. Great piece of work.

-Richard

[pia]

thanksss!!!

[Surya]

ohhoo, That was too good to express people's thoughts on behalf of your writing...I enjoyed it..:))