Indescribable

A cute poem i wrote God knows how long ago i found underneath a recovered piece. It was just a few lines of spare thought, but i modified them into a short poem. i like it =)

A few things in life are indescribable:

That single, perfect day;

the smell in the air after a rainstorm;

the clarity of the world after it snows;

the wonder when you see a shooting star;

and, most of all, your smile.

 

Author's Note

Any better examples or examples i should take out?

Reviews

[Imperfection]

I like the simplicity of this piece.

The points stated here are such that all of us can identify with but probably many of us don't give ourselves the opportunity to enjoy the simple pleasures of life; we're too caught up in our own lives to glance outside the window or to notice a shooting star�

Thanks for that.

[Anita Miller]

Beautiful poem

[Your Tasty Field Adviso..]

beautifully put. i could put in an example, but it wouldnt be your work then. i love it. just leave it. the poem is a great piece of art.

[A. L. Robinson]

Short and sweet. Thanks for sharing!

[Gandré]

I read beautiful pleasures of a moment,
and spent a blithe time
with the spirit reflected in this verse.

[frogbean]

this is a very short poem but i kinda have mixed feelings about it. i am not quite sure what to think of it

FrOgBeAn

[Not Afraid of Bruises]

Over all, the poem is good. I hate to be harsh, but the poem is very cute, greeting card-like. For me, great poetry is poetry that takes ideas that have lasted forever and decribes/tells them in a completly new way. So, while this poem is good and I like the simplicity of it, it doesn't blare out any really amazing images or hang in my mind. Not that a poem needs to do that, but in today's market... Sorry, I hate to bring the market into it.

Still, keep writing - and ignore butt heads like me who drag crap all over everyone's work. :)

[R. G. Nestle]

That was rather cute. Do you remember why you wrote it? (I sometimes don't remember why I write some of my own pieces. I, for the longest time failed to even date my stuff so I didn't even know during which period I had written them.)
The imagery was very nice and, for the most part, vivid. The last line, while being a satisfactory ending, seemed a little weak since it gave no reason for the smile being the most important. I'm not sure how you could change it, but a descriptive before the noun would set better with the feeling of the rest of the piece.
Of course this is a personal observation. It may be perfectly fine since you could have been balancing out the poem by having the first and last lines differ from the body.
All in all, a nice piece!

[Sarajane]

Oh i love this!
awsome, totally awsome. makes me think of how simple a love can be, but how beautiful.
i like it too :)

[Paula M. Potter]

Although it has few words it is very moving and beautifully put. Good luck in the contest.