Disused Implement

 

The cold sun shines black today

And with gentle word or none at all

Falling in silence through time suspended,

I feel.

 

I feel the loss not my own,

And sow the hope I know can grow

In the barren and brown crusted ground,

Watering it with my rain.

But I never see it sprout

And I feel.

 

So what kind of tool am I?

Dusty, rusty, sat upon a shelf,

Quietly hoping for a use,

For an abuse,

For something.

 

But the cold sun shines black today

And silences and cobwebs

Fall through time suspended

And still I feel. 

 

As broad my shoulders,

As clear my ear,

The only sorrows I bear

Are my own.

And the cobwebs cover me,

So I feel.

Reviews

[Wulfstan Crumble]

The cold sun shines black today - Great first line. This is evocative but tells us more about your mindset, or your characters mind set..sunny but deppressed? Or it could be an eclipse i guess.
And with gentle word or none at all
Falling in silence through time suspended,
I feel. - the i feel makes me think of someone out of sink with time... as in emotionally.

I feel the loss not my own, - do you mean "I feel the loss is not my own?"
And sow the hope I know can grow
In the barren and brown crusted ground,
Watering it with my rain.
But I never see it sprout - wow. i felt this bit. i mean you are growing hope but you are too pessimistic to feel that you can see your hope blossom. Yet you try anyway. Its a bit like the Spartans at Thermopylae or Tolkien's elves.
And I feel.

So what kind of tool am I?
Dusty, rusty, sat upon a shelf,
Quietly hoping for a use,
For an abuse,
For something. - The sandwich toaster analogy. Exactly how i feel sometimes in Japan. My co-workers completely ignore me unless they want me to team teach with them. Then they talkabout the class. We do it then they stick me back on the shelf again and ignore me. You're not just a tool. You are a person, hope will be realised!

But the cold sun shines black today
And silences and cobwebs
Fall through time suspended
And still I feel. - good use of repetition to reinforce the ideas of before.

As broad my shoulders, as broad as my shoulders?
As clear my ear, - as i clear my ear? as clear as my ear?
The only sorrows I bear
Are my own. - This can be a blessing, though it also shows people dont bring you into their worlds. Often in the past, and present, i bear the sorrows of others but they will not let me share mine (in the real world - not on WC).
And the cobwebs cover me,
So I feel.

Another good poem sticking you at the top of the poetic class in here. You deserve more recognition for it. Will link to this poem on my profile.

[Abi Smith]

love ur poem... its as if although u are overlooked, forgotten u still feel every minute that passes...u know... the greatest pain... the feeling of not being wanted and being almost invisible*... i love that feeling tho :D awesome