Ode to a Cherry Blossom

 

Shy poof of many-layered petal

Delicate of form and hue,

On unclad arms you dance,

For only a moment in May,

The still chill wind your tune.

Go now a-courting...

Waltz with the zephyr

In your bedazzling gown.

 

Spring mother to Summer’s delicious ripening,

Stitching your progenies’

Green robes of June

Waning... waning...

Your days too brief and few.

Sew now in hurried frenzy,

Swaddle your den

In all your pregnant finery.  

 

Pale angel breath of energy spent

Tired, frail... completed

Your silken gown thinned

Listen for the music

As the final ball begins.

Dance, now, for sweet celebration

Deliver your inheritance and fly away

In wing-ed harmony with the wind.

Reviews

[J]

This has a very soft cadence to it all... much like a cherry blossom winging its way down to earth, to lie in loamy soil, waiting for the season to come around again and bloom.

Almost classical and metered, but not quite... you use the same rhythm and romantic imagery, fusing the two together to create your own. I only say this after having read a few classic poets, that's all.

Some suggestions to think about or not... perhaps think about splitting the first line of your second stanza into two; it 'hangs' over on the page too much to me, if you get what I mean, and yes, I realize you were meaning to have this all in eight-line stanzas, but hey, it's the middle stanza, so it would still be mirrored. The other suggestion would be to try and get rid of as many ellipses as possible, and perhaps ditch as much end-line punctuation if you can. Again, I know it's there for a reason, but maybe there are instances where it's not vital and where you and the reader already know there is an implicit pause. All in all, very trivial things for me to mention, but hey, suggestions are free, and I thought I'd share what I honestly thought.

Ever seen photos of cherry blossom trees in Japan? With the melting snows of spring, it's a devastatingly serene sight... much like this poem =)
J

[Ebby]

I found this quite erotic, somewhat sensual and tender.
So many wish to shock, to make scandalous poetry from their lives, yet the true poetry is in creation, germination, seasons and the earth.
I am impressed. :)

[L.P. Hawkins]

That last stanza, with all its soft sadness, blew me away.
And lines like "Green robes of June
Waning� waning�
Your days too brief and few." gives this such poetic grace. You definitely knocked this one out of the park.

[Wulfstan Crumble]

Where I live in Osaka the Sakura season finished a week ago. The steps outside my staff room were covered in little pink petals. It was beautiful but sad. The next day all of the Petals had turned brown. They had shrivelled up to almost nothing. For months before that they had been brown twisted twigs spread over the mountainside. Then for a glorious week or two they turned white and subtle pink. Other trees then turned a bright vibrant pink as the older ones greened.
I was drawn to this poem because it was an ode to cherry blossoms; a Japanese obsession. Your poem showcases the beauty and brevity of the sakura. It is a very poignant poem.
As always, if I may share some suggestions.

Shy poof of many-layered petal - Shy proof of a many-layered petal.
- Did you mean proof? Or poof?

The still chill wind; your tune. - maybe a comma or semi-colon. Just makes it make more sense visually or when spoken.

Your days; too brief and few.

Pale angel breath of energy spent - A pale angel�s breath of energy spent?

This is such a sweet poem with the fragility of sakura; as if you wrote it upon the petals themselves.

[Jenna T.]

Very, very well done. I really enjoyed that. The poem has painted a picture in my mind, exactly what poetry should do.