About me

 

I am a contradiction

I am a thing unseen

I am a misconception

I am a frightened scream. 

 

I am your worst of nightmares

I am your wildest dream.

I hold myself in greatest

Of unmeasured disesteem.

 

I will cause you pleasure

Then rip you at the seam.
I will burn the fires low

And scald you with my steam.

 

I will beg for mercy

And rage to the extreme.

I will harm your ego,

Then serve but to redeem.

 

I am your guilty pleasure

I am your dark misdeed.

I will die a thousand deaths

To rise again supreme.

 

I know you’ve heard my raving

So please do not ignore.

I’m everything you ever wanted

And all that you abhor.

Reviews

[Ebby]

How can I compete with wulfstan's outstanding review. I agree with his statement about good and bad cheese, but to use Stilton to define bad cheese, was most wrong. I love Stilton, therefore your personal opinion is invalid. Ha!

I am your guilty pleasure
I am your dark misdeed.
I will die a thousand deaths
To rise again supreme.

This stanza stood out for me. So many, myself included, live a more honest life online, than in our reality. Why is this? I suppose the anonimity, or the fact that you can hide, turn the damn thing off. It is tragic though, as when real relationships and friendships are forged, the virtual becomes a wall, a distance that stops a closeness that would be so much better in meeting.

It is cheesy, but only because of the pattern. The story, the point which you are conveying, is a great topic and would do very well in many formats.

Kind regards. :)

[Wulfstan Crumble]

Yeah its corny. Or cheesy as we say in England. But, you see there is good cheese and there is bad cheese. Abba and Steps are good cheese. They are fun with dances and humour. Britney Spears is bad cheese... stinks of stilton.

Yours is good cheese and there is no harm in posting it. The lines are not so original if you picked them apart but together they work well with the style you were aiming for.

I noticed there were several rhymes from one stanza to the next. I like that style and i think it would have been great if you could have made it work throughout the poem. As it is the rhymes are kind of random.

I thought that perhaps there should be a "The" before greatest. It kind of emphasizes Greatest. Though i do like the use of disesteem... sounds cool and original.

I like the way that the poem is both about you as a human being but also about the Phoenix personna that you have taken on. If you ever create a pseudonym for your writings i hope you keep Phoenix as the last name. It is a cool animal/beast. Not only that. It is also the old symbol of my junior and primary schools.

With burn the fire low would a plural work better? Fires not fire?

"Then serve but to redeem" Seems a bit odd to me. How about "Then serve to redeem you." or "Never serve but redeem"

I think it might also be nice to sneak a "Me" into the last stanza after "ignore."

Fantastic piece.