Calling the Lost Charade

 

I dreamt of you again last night

In fleeting moments of fractured slumber.

We met in a green wood.

Golden light haloed your silhouette.

I smiled as your eyes touched me. 

 

I bid you walk with me a while

Along the sunny path,

Summoned you come...

Take my outstretched hand.

 

You spoke to me of a star...

How the ray of the distant and unknown sun touched you,

but never you it.

I thought you read me.

 

We walked into the deeper forest

Our path closing behind us.

The woody vines growing closed the gates.

The way was set, moving ever forward...

Never back.

 

We passed the place

Where our hearts had stood

Like strangers on the promenade. 

A scarce recognition flitted by

And left us hardly noticing.

 

A waft of sweet honeysuckle

Caressed me and fled

As you dissolved before me. 

I grasped your hand. 

You were already gone.

 

The green wood now dressed

In shades of Autumn

Echoed with whispers of

 

Might have been.

 

Should be.

 

Maybe.

 

Would have.

 

Wasn’t.

 

I summon you...

Visit my dream again...

Meet me in the green wood...

Touch me with your eyes...

Let me touch your star...

 

I hear your footsteps as I drift into a daydream.

Reviews

[Bubo]

Such a sad poem, started as so uplifting and then of course, it wasn't what it seemed......the title reflecting a game played, a joke, whereas you had hope.
The layout was superb, the way it drops as does your heart with realisation is painful.
But you still dream of the Green wood and happy times............thank you for sharing.

A waft of sweet honeysuckle
Caressed me and fled
As you dissolved before me.
I grasped your hand.
You were already gone.

The green wood now dressed
In shades of Autumn
Echoes with whispers of

Might have been.

Should be.

Maybe.

Would have.

Wasn't.

[J]

Like Angie already said about this giving her an overall picture of a knight and maiden, so too did I get that picture. Well, it actually made me think of Maid Marian and Robin Hood actually--I guess when you mentioned greenwoods, I automatically thought of Sherwood Forest.

This has a lovely story to it, something with lots of undertones and sub-texts to it all--something which I'm a fan of reading and writing myself, if you must know. Strongly romantic overtones, with colours of loss in the leaves of autumn falling... as this love/r fades away into the mercurial eaves of your daydreams.

I think we all have these loves we remember so strongly...
J

[Angie Jorgen]

Might have been.

Should be.

Maybe.

Would have.

Wasn't.
.......forgot to say in my spelling mistake ridden review that this part of your poem speaks the loudest to me. It is gorgeous and sad.

[Angie Jorgen]

There is something about this beautiful piece that conjours in me images of medievil times - a knight - a maiden..hmm..this may sound a little of centre - but these images are the first things your poem gave to me. Walking together, so close but so far away, this is written like a true romantic love story, wanting someone - unable to have someon, two people making the most of moments knowingthey will not last, it will be the last time. Then, the memories of this moment are often visited by the two within daydreams...I like it very much..not bad at all for a first post...:) lovely.

[T. Jones]

This poem has a heartbreaking sense of longing to it:
"I summon you�
Visit my dream again�
Meet me in the green wood�
Touch me with your eyes�
Let me touch your star� "

Yeah, I have those dreams, sleeping and waking. Have we been having the same dreams? LOL

The poem has some nice images. I like the descriptions of the woods, and how you intertwined them somehow with the status of the relationship...It was very nice.

I'm glad that Wulfstan recommended this to me!

[Danielle Ryan]

that was stunning work :O i loved it! i've had this dream as well i think everyone has atleast once. you brought everything to life! amazing technique and details! great job my friend!

[Ebby]

Phoenix, this is beautiful. I have this dream over and over again. I meet my true love in my sleep. He holds me in his arms and kisses the top of my head. It is not a dream, I feel him, he feels me. In the morning I am shocked and tearful to find him gone.

I thought you read me.

We walked into the deeper forest
Our path closing behind us.
The woody vines growing closed the gates.
The way was set, moving ever forward�
Never back.

This is staggering in it's depth, its tangibility and it feels like you know me, know my love and how we walk together in sleep.

To dream is to capture a little of something grander, more universal, and the image of you 'summoning' or ordering something bigger than this world, to be with that person, is a beautiful image.

I am left crying for my man, after reading this piece. Thank you for posting it for us to read. Please let me know of anything new you post, as I am intrested to read more of you.
Kindest regards. :)

[L.P. Hawkins]

Masterfully poetic story telling! Everything from the flow, tempo, structure, and wording makes this a memorable piece.

[Wulfstan Crumble]

First off. I want to apologise for this review being so late. I took a semi-hiatus over the weekend. In your review of my piece you said you believed that you didnt belong here. You do. Your poem should be popular here. As you get more noticed people will come and read this and they will love it like i did.

For me the title suggests that you are ending the charade. Not to say you are ending the relationship but you are saying it is what it is; a charade. Like calling the shots. I think it is a fabulous title which we can wrap our minds around. I like the fact that it is a lost charade not just a charade. Is it lost to time? Lost as in game over? or some how forgotten? I like titles that make me think..kudos!

As your eyes touched me - maybe, caressed might work better. Its more romantic.

The woody vines growing closed the gates. - Gates closed by wood like vines.
The way was set, moving ever forward� - how about ever onward? - hopefully not to star trekky.

I love reading honeysuckle in a poem because it reminds me of my favourite poem. Its Tristand and Isold by Marie De France. Tristand said to Isolde (or the other way around) that they were the honeysuckle and the vine. Without the other they would die. So, they were bound together for eternity... for me that is the most romantic thing i have read. Did your poem mean the same thing?

But then off course he upped and left. As if he promised the world, got what he wanted and buggered off (a british phrase lol.).

I love poems which contain seasonal words. Yours is packed full of them which for me puts you above the normal writers on here who talk of broken love, revenge, eroticism and so on. For me you are reaching for beauty and have attained it.

Lastly, i like the ambiguity of the last line. We assume that the footsteps are taking him away. But, you are daydreaming so he could be comming back again...

You belong here!

[C. Harter Amos]

The title "Calling the Lost Charade" insinuates that the relationship was never what you wanted it to be or thought it to be. I love the images of walking through a dreamy forest, talking of the stars as lovers seem to always do. "I thought you read me," is the first we know this won't be a happy love poem. "Moving ever forward," insinuating the relationship as well as the walk has moved forward. I like the way you stretched out the words "Echoes with whispers of might have been...Should be...Maybe...Would have..." Universal aches of the heart that spiral downward to the one word "Wasn't". I thought the whole poem was beautifully sentimental, sweet, and well written. I like "I summon you...visit my dream again..." echoing the title. Kudos. It's a nice piece. Mimi.