Sister who was never a Sister

my lifes story in a nutshell. i tryed not to use names. please tell me what you think.

I'm never very good at putting my feelings into words, but I think I can do this, I hope I can. 6 weeks old and you leave me on their doorstep, I thank you for that, if you hadn't I surly would have died. For those 6 weeks of my life you would lay me in your makeshift cot and lean the bottle ageist the edge, if your room mate hadn't come home two minutes after you walked away to shoot up I would of chocked to death, is that what you wanted? Did you want me to die? 6 weeks and no hugs, you would put me on the floor and forget about me, grandma says that even when you left me to stay with them you said it was only for a while, so I only got limited love then, they didn't want to get hurt when you took me away again.

After a month when you didn't call, your parents got worried, they didn't know what you were going to do with me and then you called. You were in prison, and wanted me back, you wanted me because they would be more lenient on you, if you had your baby back. Grandpa was wise and refused your request, told you to clean up your act, and then you could have me. A week later and yet another call, no mention of me, you just wanted money. The calls went on for months with no mention of me.

Finally they took you to court, they won the custody, they told me when I was older that all you had to do was stay clean for a week and I would have been yours, but you ran off again. My first birthday came and went, and then my second and my third, no call or no card, did you even think of me? When I turned four I finally meet you, apparently I told you to go to hell. You were heartbroken I called my grandparents mum and dad, but when you did send me a birthday cards you still signed them 'mum'.

I was eight for our next meeting, you had another child. I asked you if you would leave her as well, and you said 'don't be silly baby'. You got married that summer, my sister had a dad, where was mine I asked, you said it could have been anyone. That's when I learnt of your habit, you were addicted to drugs. Would it make you proud if I told you that when I was nine, I was the smartest person in my class on the topic of drugs? All I really knew was that you brought them, I still didn't know how.

No I didn't learn till I was 12 that you sold yourself for them, by then you had left your second child, just like me, but she was with her father, I found out soon that you had had a third child, she was already two, the longest you had ever kept one of you babies, I was told it was because you got more money for her then you did for us. I still couldn't believe we were prostitute babies. I would visit my friends, they all had dads, I missed the man I had never met, never would meet.

14 and I meet both my sisters, I was so happy we were together for the first time; the littlest sister was missing you whilst they were staying here, so grandma called you and you and my sister talked awhile, then you and your second child talked, she hadn't talked to you since she was three or four when you had stopped all contact with her, she thanked you for the present you had sent her. Present? She got a present. Your third child lives with you, your second gets stuff through the mail and what about you're first? Nothing, you only remembered me when somebody reminded you. After you had finished talking to her she asked you if you wanted to talk to me, I was already in tears, I let out one sob and ran to my room. I was losing the mother I had never even had.

15 and you come for a visit; I haven't seen you since your wedding, I don't remember it at all, by then I had blocked out that memory because you had promised so many visits but had let me down, you had hurt me by not doing anything to be a mother to me. We started to talk, a real talk, our first one ever. You told me you had a girlfriend. And that you had come to regain custody of your second child. I asked if I would ever find my dad you told me to go on one of those lost family shows. I kept seeing you lie that night; that you were sorry, that you would clean up your act. I think I got my lying skills from you.

You spent 3 days here; did you know I was seeing a councilor? We went to town and got ice-cream, you and your mum talked a little, I felt kind of happy, it was like a real family, two sisters walking ahead of their mother and grandma, you had left the youngest at home. We said farewell and you wanted a hug, I gave you one, and the whole time I had the urge to scream. Did I want you to go? Or did I want you to stay?

A whole month later we received the news, you had gone home and left my sister here, why? What had gone so wrong that you had to break her heart and leave her here? The judge had said you had to prove you could be clean, for at least a week. I guess some things will never change. So you had left me and now you had left her, for what? For your f*****g drugs? Are they that f*****g important to you, that you have to leave two of your kids? And I cant believe you only kept the youngest because the money for her supplied your stupid habit.

So now I'm 16, I don't know what to think of you. I don't call you mum, I call my grandma that and I call grandpa dad, when I talk about you I may say mum or just use your name, when people say it's confusing I tell them otherwise. I have one mum, one dad and sometimes I'm an only child, but other times I'm the eldest. I'm the sister who was never a sister.

But tell me my dearest mother, do you ever think of me?

Author's Note

ignore grammar problems, what do you think?

Reviews

[JaneFoxscale]

Well done! It was clear on how you felt and what happened, I liked it. Congratulations on even posting this actually.

[Carolina Constante]

I know exactly how you feel! Except I'm the youngest out of three and she tried in many ways to contact my older sibling but never once did she try to contact me. :( but you did a very good job on expressing your feelings. Keep up the good work!