Love

A philosophical sonnet about love...

 

How precious you are in every man’s eyes,
Enslaving and captivating their mind,
For you are perfect and not hiding lies
On the ambigrams of essence defined.
Having you is my greatest desire
For you are an emblem of elegance
But you’re a price difficult to acquire
And only valiant men can have a chance.
Like a pearl from the deepest of the seas,
You lend yourself to entail unity.
Through you works wisdom and with you clings peace
Cause you defy all possibility.
     Love, you impede all separations,
     You transcend in all men’s alienations.

Reviews

[Christen Rose]

This was so sweet I think my teeth began to rot. & what I mean by that is that it was absolutely wonderful. You're so incredibly talented. I am in awe.

"Having you is my greatest desire
For you are an emblem of elegance
But you're a price difficult to acquire"


^ thats about where my heart began to ache.
Bravo.

[Silent Kim aka mizmetap..]

Very nice and sweetly written. Thanks for your entry in my contest and the best of luck.

[Sarah]

Loved this! Very romantic, and beautiful use of language. (: Lines like "For you are perfect and not hiding lies / On the ambigrams of essence defined." & the final two really made this flow nicely. I enjoyed reading. ^__^

[Emily B]

My respect to anyone who has the dexterity to manipulate the formal structures of poetry. Great job!

[Fran Marie]

Having you is my greatest desire
For you are an emblem of elegance
But you're a price difficult to acquire
And only valiant men can have a chance

A most beautifully penned and well crafted Sonnet~

the game of love is a costly one and one can pay dearly for the longing thereof

WelL DonE!!

THanks for submitting your lovely verse in the Sonneteers/Tears Contest

Fran Marie

[Emily Rose]

This is as good start for a sonnet - the rhyme was right on and your presented your subject matter well. There were some things that confused me, however:

Your rhythm is a bit uneven. Your meter stays pretty consistent until line four, when the two weak stresses in a row upset the balance, and then for some reason the fifth line starts trochaically instead of iambically. Anyway, I would advise fixing up your rhythm a little.

Also, in your second line, "captivating their mind" isn't technically correct grammar. Since you're talking about "every man" (singular - each man) it's actually "captivating HIS mind" - each man's individual mind. "Cause" at the beginning of line thirteen needs an apostrophe in front of it, too - I assume you mean "cause" as short for "because" not "cause" as in "I caused this to happen." I know that's kind of nitpicky, but I'm an editor and I figured I'd point it out :-)

Finally, I know most people don't write sonnets much anymore, but all sonnets are supposed to have a "turn" line, where the problem presented in the first two stanzas (or octave, if you're writing a Petrarchan sonnet) is supposed to be resolved. Usually this change happens in line nine (the beginning of the third stanza in an Elizabethan sonnet or the start of the sestet in a Petrarchan one), but sometimes the resolution happen in the couplet. As it stands, your last stanza simply continues to describe your object of affection - there's no real "turn." As for the couplet, although I really like its sentiments, it doesn't really seem to fit with the rest of the poem. You don't really talk about seperation in the poem and I suppose you could say that the woman you describe is "alienating" the men who are wooing her, but it doesn't seem to jive very well with what you're poem's saying.

Again, this is all very nit-picky, English major stuff - I really did enjoy the poem; I just think it could use a little revision. Good start!