JittersA Story by Tim JousmaA shy man, interested in asking a girl out, goes through tremendous inner turmoil to get the courage to ask.Jitters by Tim Jousma It was as if the crowded room they
were in suddenly became still. Joe Dekker sat at the table in the coffee shop
and stared across the restaurant at the woman who just walked inside; the woman
he'd been pining for for quite a few months now. Vonnay Knight had been the
subject of his desires going on almost three months now. Bordering on
obsession, he could think of nothing but Vonnay and how things would be if he
could actually take her out on a date. His friend, Robert Cain, once he
realized who walked in, burst out laughing. "I should have figured she
walked in the room with that blank stare on your face." Joe blushed. "What?" "Dude, you have the hots for
that chick. It's no big secret. Why don't you just get it over with and ask her
out?" Joe shrugged, taking a sip of tea.
"You say that like it's something easy to do." "Yeah it is actually. You just
go up and ask her out. What's the worse that'll happen?" "She could laugh. She could
slap me. She could get her boyfriend who is an amateur body builder to kick my
a*s." Robert stared at Joe.
"Seriously man? Worst thing that'll happen is she says, drumroll please,
no." "You don't know that." "Why would she do what you
suggest? From what you've told me she's been nothing but nice to you. If she is
not interested in going out with you, she'll be nice about the rejection." "But you don't know that." "Oh shut your b***h mouth,
reassert your testicles, and go ask the chick out." "F**k you." Robert rose from his chair, walked
over to Joe, and forced him to stand. He shoved Joe in Vonnay's direction. Joe
turned, giving Robert a dirty look, yet continued on. His mind raced. All those questions
that filled his mind at times like this flooded his brain like a lake after a
dam burst. He had to be calm asking her out. First thing he needed to do was
calm his shaking hands. Joe clasped them together, rotating them like he saw
some mixed martial artists do before they started their matches. Once finished,
he wiped the sweat he'd already accumulated onto his jeans. He had to figure
out what he would say to her when he was within talking distance. 'Hi' would
work but that wouldn't get him very far. What else could he say to her before
asking her out? The sound of the door chime got his
attention. A man walked in, gazed around the coffee shop, spotted the person he
was looking for, and walked over to them. To Joe's horror, the person this
insanely good looking man was interested in seeing...was Vonnay. Joe turned
tail and headed back to his table and sat back in his seat, defeated. Robert
laughed. "Down for the count, huh?"
he asked. Joe finished his tea, rose, and
walked out without replying. ********** Joe couldn't pinpoint what moment in
his life that made him scared to approach women. Sure, being introverted didn't
help but that didn't necessarily mean it would prevent him from asking women
out. Maybe it had to do with his first love all the way back in the fifth
grade. Melinda Gomez. An angel that dropped
from the sky and shared the same fourth grade class as his sister. She was the
first girl he ever spoke with voluntarily. They'd spend their recess sitting by
the slide or the merry go round and just talk. Joe never imagined he'd be able
to do that with a girl. It wasn't too long ago that girls were nothing more
than humans with longer hair. Melinda was the first girl to actually make him
understand that women had more to offer than just existing. Melinda was his
first crush. But as elementary school love went,
it didn't last. It ended in bizarre circumstances. At an assembly one day,
Melinda and her younger sister stood up in front of everyone and told the
school that today was their last day because their parents were moving to Papa
New Guinea to become missionaries. What selfish jerks, Joe thought to himself.
He went home that day, which just had to be Valentine's Day, and cried his eyes
out. Ever since that traumatic
experience, he'd been unable to get close to a woman. For whatever reason, he
could never be comfortable enough around a woman in order to close the deal.
Not that he couldn't deal with women in general; he'd been able to work with
many women just fine in professional and school situations. He just couldn't
get the chutzpah in order to ask a woman out on a date. Despite being introverted, he did
well at his job. He worked as a computer repair technician at the biggest
electronics retailer around, Big Deals. It was there that he met Vonnay. She
worked in the computer department which brought her to his area of the store
many times during the day. She broke the ice the first day on the job,
commenting on his Doctor Who keychain. Joe hadn't met many women who knew what
Doctor Who even was much less having any sort of opinion one way or the other
about the show. They spent many hours during lunch time discussing the show and
other science fiction television shows they both liked. They'd even exchanged
phone numbers and hung out with each other outside of work. But when it came to
actually discussing with her his feelings for her, he couldn't speak one word. He had to sort things out. It was
time to pay a visit to his best friend and mentor. If anyone could give him
some advice on how to ask Vonnay out, it would be Peter. ********** "So you've finally found a
chick you want to get the balls to ask out and you've come to me? I feel so
honored," Peter Vogler said as he finished rinsing off a plate and putting
it into his dishwasher. "Wow. What a way to be
sympathetic," Joe replied, handing him a dirty coffee cup.
"Dick." Joe and Peter laughed. "So why
haven't you asked her out?" "I tried earlier today at the
coffee shop. I headed in her direction and the moment this guy walked into the
shop and started talking with her, I bailed." "She has a boyfriend
then?" "I don't know." Joe finished rinsing the coffee cup
and put it in the dishwasher. "Then why the hell didn't you talk to her
and ask her out?" "She ended up talking to that
guy." "But you don't know if that's
her boyfriend." "So? Looks like it's full. I'll
grab the soap." Joe knelt down and grabbed the
dishwashing soap from Peter's cupboard and filled up the soap dispenser in
Peter's dishwasher. "Why would I try and ask her out if her man is there?
He'd kick my a*s." "He may laugh at you sure but
unless you're trying to feel up his woman, if that is his woman, he won't touch
you." "How can you be sure?" "Simple. Not many people want
to go to jail for assault. Starting fights with anyone who glares at your woman
will land you there." Joe followed Peter to his living
room and sat on the floor while Peter started up a video game for them to play.
"Ok. So he wouldn't kick my a*s. But it would still would have been bad
form for me to ask her out." "Fine. Let's go with your
assertion that that particular moment was a bad time to ask her out. When is
the next time you see her?" "At work. Why?" "Ask her then," Peter
said, handing Joe a controller. "But if she says no then, I've
made working with her quite an uncomfortable affair." "Then you need to find the
perfect time man. Fact is, if what you're saying is true she's a cool chick and
as long as you don't come across all psycho crazy on her, at the very least
she'll be cool about saying no and will still be your friend. Do you think you
can handle that?" Joe thought about it for a moment.
"I get what you're saying. I just get too nervous and realize
that..." "It can come across like you
are a creepy b*****d. I get it. Again, she's comfortable talking with you. Take
advantage of that. Now get ready for me to kick your a*s. My team is one win
away from getting into the playoffs and I need to stomp on your pathetic
a*s." ********** His mind was his own worst enemy.
Joe lay in bed that night going over again and again what would potentially
happen if he dared asked Vonnay out. The 'What If's' were visiting him again.
The 'What If's' were scenarios that ran through his head whenever he thought of
asking a girl out that went over the very worst case scenarios that could potentially
happen. He imagined Vonnay was taking a
break outside work talking to a friend. He took a deep breath, wiped the sweat
off his hands, and approached her. "Vonnay, hi," he would
say. Vonnay would acknowledge him without
speaking, dismissing her friend. Joe stood for a moment before going on. "How you doing today?" "Fine," she would say, her
face not giving Joe an idea of what she was thinking. Joe would take a deep breath before
going on. "Uh, yeah. I was wondering if, um, you wanted to go to a movie
or something?" Vonnay would smile. What started off
as a sweet smile turned into a vicious sneer. "Why in the hell would I want
to associate myself with someone as disgusting as you?" she would say, at
which point she would take out a can of mace and spray him in the eyes. Joe shook his head, clearing the
image from his head. Why the hell would she do something like that? he asked
himself. Peter was right. She wouldn't say something like that to him. Why did
he keep telling himself that something negative would happen? Before he could
knock some sanity into his head, another 'What If' scenario popped into his
head. Joe had his cell phone in his hand
during this little delusion. He called Vonnay, each ring making his nervousness
intensify. She finally answered. "Hello?" "Vonnay, it's Joe. How goes
it?" "Fine. Why are you
calling?" Joe paused, taking a breath. "I
was wondering, uh, if you'd like to go out to dinner sometime with me?" There was silence. Just as Joe was
about to ask if Vonnay was still there, she replied. "Joe, I'll say this once. Never
call me again." What kind of nonsense is that now?
Joe asked himself, taking a deep breath after that scenario stopped. How much
worse can these get? As if on cue... Joe saw himself approaching Vonnay
outside work again. Just as he came within arm's distance of her, she caught
sight of him, pulled out a gun, and shot him in the face. With that, Joe rose
from bed and headed into the kitchen to get something to drink. Whatever his
mind was trying to do to convince him he shouldn't ask Vonnay out, he had to
prove the f****r wrong just so these stupid 'What If's' would stop. ********** This was it. Today was going to be
the day. If he couldn't ask Vonnay out on a simple date today, he'd never be
able to do it. Not with her or any other woman. If he failed, his life would be
destined to involve tons of lotion and internet porn. The season finale to Doctor Who
would be on BBC America tonight. They'd always called each other after each
episode to talk about the latest developments and where the storyline for the
season would lead the Doctor to next. Joe figured that if he got her riffing on
a topic that interested her, if he tossed in the question of asking her out at
some point, she wouldn't be inclined to be negative in her refusal to date him. He kept glancing at his watch as the
episode went on. While he was engrossed with the story, the fact that something
so earth shatteringly important as asking Vonnay out was getting closer weighed
on his mind like a Volkswagen Beetle filled to capacity with overweight clowns.
He knew he'd have to have something to talk to her about though so he tried his
best to remember the main points of the show. Anything he missed he'd pick up
later when he watched the copy he was taping on his computer. Once the show ended he called her
immediately. She answered on the second ring, exclaiming that she was shocked
that River Song was Amy Pond's daughter. They went back and forth with each
other about who caught on first what was going on. Before he knew it, Joe
looked at his watch and noticed that twenty minutes had passed. Time had a
habit of flying by any time he talked with her. As they exhausted all topics relating
to the show to discuss, Joe knew now was the time to ask her out. He took a
deep breath. Before he had a chance to go through his prepared comments, Vonnay
interrupted him. "I saw you at the coffee shop
the other day. I was about to go say hi to you but you left real fast. What
happened?" Joe squirmed in his chair. "Oh,
yeah. I thought I saw you there. I was just in a hurry you know. Had things to
do. I, uh, also saw you were with someone so I didn't want to bother you."
Great, he thought. A totally smooth way to bring up the jerk she was with and
find out his identity. "My brother? He just got into
town. He's visiting the family for spring break. I would have loved for you to
stop over to talk cause while I love him to death, he's about as exciting to
talk to as a rock." Joe couldn't believe it. Her
brother. She was with her brother. She had no boyfriend. His very own gospel
choir broke out into song in his head celebrating the good news. "Well, speaking of being out, I
was wondering if you wanted to head to a movie or something at some point. You
know...on a date." Oh God, Joe thought. What a douchey
thing to say. He could almost picture her laughing now. "It's about time you asked me
out. I was wondering if you ever would." She said yes. Joe couldn't believe
it. A human woman finally agreed to go out on a date with him. He did it. He
conquered his fears. And he also would be collecting twenty bucks from Robert
for getting a date before the age of twenty three. Now that he had the date
though, he had something else he would have to worry about. What would he say and do on the
date? The End © 2011 Tim JousmaAuthor's Note
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Added on November 8, 2011 Last Updated on November 8, 2011 AuthorTim JousmaSacramento, CAAboutHi. I'm an author looking for some feedback. Too often I find myself unable to find people who either want or have the time to review my work. Thanks to a tip from a friend at work I thought I'd try t.. more..Writing
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