what has happened.

so you wanna know why i have been distant these past few weeks? here. as i said i'm rusty. bear with me. i poured everything into this.

i realized my absence had raised a couple questions

is phillip ok? is he knee deep in depression?

the answer is no but i can tell you what's been poppin

i had a fight with paps and his heart was close to stoppin.

his body was shaking, he was close to fainting

he tried to curse me but his sentences were failing

his f**k yous and dickheads were nothing but slurs

his wandering eyes indicated his vision was a blur

my dearest mother was under all kinds of strain

watching her husband endure these chest pains.

they'll never forgive me and i'll never forgive myself

i now know that i can't even go to them for help.

i almost killed a parent, widowing my mother

i can't even get forgiveness from my older brother.

this family of four has now become 3

the subtraction being the exile of me.

i now work 3 till 8 with no spring in my step

i am not depressed but my mind is in a mess.

how could i lash out like that knowing my paps was sick?

how can i live under his roof when i acted like a dick?

you see these questions made me distant, no one could relate

so that's why i remained so quiet, a lot was on my plate.

i hope my friends will understand this and the strangers too

my paps is still my family and my love for him is true. 

Reviews

[Annabelle Lee]

We just lost my grandpa to cancer and my dad's been pretty torn up about it. He and the gramps didn't quite get along and now that he's gone, Dad thinks it's all his fault. There's nothing you could've done to bring about your father's illness and you shouldn't tear yourself up over it. It tears everyone around you up, too.

[That_Girl]

Hun... if what you said in all those conversations we had about him, this was in NO way your fault. How many times did we discuss him needing to change things in order to be healthier? An argument or fight between you and him did not cause this. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this and feel guilty.

Great poem though.

[Baby Ricochet]

From what you're describing in the poem I can't quite tell if the man had a heart attack or a stroke. Either way you're not the one that gave it to him. He's been working at it for years. Great poem Philgod.

[Harley (arbiter)]

Great poem. I don't have the best relations with my parents either but not this bad. I feel for ya bro