rutlish times pt 2

finally...its HERE. yeah i made it hell of a lot longer as its popular among my friends. this may run into 5 parts you know...so much went on.

Ok continuing with the my time at rutlish….i for some reason was talking about the breasts of an English teacher. Not gonna lie but the memories actually gave me wood. Anyway ONWARD WITH THE STORY.

 

 There was this one time when a teacher called Mr inch (this dickhead was almost 7ft) all the boys in the school would BULLY him by shouting CHEEEESE. This was because….well…for reasons unknown this guy had the biggest obsession with cheese and someone took it upon themselves to smash a cheese sandwich on the tutor room window(if you’re reading this bro, you did us all proud and I’ll happily buy you a sprinkled doughnut). Mr inch also kept banging on about his love life and marriage. Why would you even think about it? we were there to learn(LOL) not to listen to how you moved to your wife coz she was yammin on a cheese toastie. Foolishness.  But boy that was the beginning, The was one guy….one legendary African teacher…

 

His name was Mr tucker

 

AHHHH THIS MAN!!!!! this is how bad it got, one lunch time a couple of boys snuck into his maths room while his projector was on. These guys had the BALLS to google porn on his laptop play a video on a large PROJECTOR and just breeze out. The way I was laughing when I saw it. how can you put on hardcore porn on a giant projector? Like it wasn’t no kiss kiss f**k s**t…naaa….blud there was some certified abuse goin on in that video. I’m just glad the guys didn’t put up 2 girls 1 cup…oh lord that would have been peak. He’ll ALWAYS be remembered for the time he thought he was a bad man and decided to stamp out a fire work like it was a juju plant. The way he just breeeeezed out of class and started jumpin on the thing, but ooooooh my friends….it got worse. So so much worse.  But my god it was so much joke. Any rutlish guy will remember this…

 

MILLLLHOOOOOUUUUSE!!!!

 

Yes, there was a teacher who looked like millhouse from the simpsons. His name was Mr grant and he was a full time VICTIM. Everytime he would come out on stage at assembly, there would always be a cheeky little sections of boys in the corner of the room shouting “MILLHOUSE!” it was too much. Everywhere he walked there would be one guy just shouting millhouse at him. I remember when he tried to threaten us with exclusion, That’s how unserious he was. Calling you millhouse would get us excluded? B***H PLEASE. We did it anyway. Nice one Johnny big bullocks you sure showed us.

 

Speaking of assemblies….

 

They were just social events…like a third break. None of us took it seriously. Even if it was a serious matter like Mr davut getting happy slapped before a lesson or someone posting photoshopped pictures of Mr Grant and his nose around the school…..ok that wasn’t that serious but still. There was one thing I hated though and that was “the walk of shame”. Basically the layout of the assembly halls were loads of seats on either side of the room and a stage at the front so there was this aisle in the middle so all the kids could get to their seat. NOW there’s like…200 odd heads up in that place. if you were late….it was more awkward than your parents walking  in on you masturbating, you had to walk infront of EVERYONE into your seat and they aaaaalllll watched you.

 

Another thing about them was that….f**k….they were boring! Like this teacher called mrs birch once came out to tell us a story about how she dropped hot oil on her finger…and the moral of the story was to be safe while frying an egg.

 

ARE YOU SMACKED?!

 

Because you know….we like to f*****g dip our fingers in a boiling frying pan. Rutlish boys are hardcore like that. but that isn’t the worse. Whenever the headteacher said “ok boys you can’t go on the field its too wet” when CLEARLY that s**t was more dry than an Ethiopians foot, the amount of people you would hear kiss their teeth. Haha speaking of the boys in rutlish….this was the scorn of my childhood….

 

“I beg you drop me 20p”

 

Now 90% people said “I’m too hungry man” or “blud I need that for the bus fare home” (even though you had a free oyster card you snake) but in return this always ALWAYS sealed the deal

“na bruv don’t worry I’ll pay you back”

 

Anyone foolish enough to believe that fuckery was about to get 419ed. That s**t was gone…you ain’t getting that back, simple. The sucky thing aswell was that it was ALLLLWAYS asked by the hench black kid who looked like he was going to go jail when he was older.  If you saw him approaching you had 2 choices:

 

1.      1.  Silence the change in your pocket and BREEZE or…

 

2.     2.  Give him what he asks for without letting him know you have more money on you.

 

 

If he found out….that’s getting raided. It was kinda funny how far pocket money went in that place though. If you had £1….you were going to eat WELL. That’s chicken and chips after school. Simple. Haha speaking of that I once hid a chicken breast in my pocket on a bus. Times were that hard. By the time I took it out there was some wet patch in my trousers from the oil and they smelt like fried chicken. See what that school does to you?

 

PT 3 is coming in a week! 

Author's Note

remember. grammar isn't the focus. i'm just writing off memory.

Reviews

[Belinda]

Omg. You almost had me peeing in my pants! Good read. Hilarious actually!

[nigrum homonculus]

haha thanks belinda! glad you enjoyed it

[That_Girl]

lmao this is hysterical. I'm loving these. Oh! btw...

".it was more awkward than your parents walking in on you masturbating" Just how many times have you been caught my dear? ;)

[nigrum homonculus]

trust you to ask such a weird question. nope still incognito.

[That_Girl]

Dude you brought it up. How would you know JUST how embarrassing it was unless it had happened to you? Just saying.... I wouldn't know!

[That_Girl]

Thanks for adding my friend btw

[nigrum homonculus]

LOOOL! you don't need experience to kinda realise touching yourself while your parents walk in on it...is awkward. i'm sure someone has walked in on you having sex OR you have heard 2 people go at it like world war 3. that s**t is tense to hear. ah no problem!

[That_Girl]

Yes but it is the DEGREE of awkwradness that is under scrutiny here. My parents never walked in on me. In fact, I lost it while my mother was down the hall. Talk about some loud a*s music. And the only people I've walked in on was my best friend and his bf. That was hella awkward.

:)

[nigrum homonculus]

aaaah i see i see. yeah i remember you telling me about that, minus the music. oooooooooh good lord. i've heard my mum and dad have sex....most horrifying midnight trip to the toilet ever.

[That_Girl]

Ewww I never had to deal with that... my mom brought home random guys but I usually left. I'm sure my dad heard though. Nasty. Pretty sure that would've scarred me!

[nigrum homonculus]

whaaaaa? ok i never knew that! kinda reminds me when my brother used to go out with girls. i remember at one point he brought twins. don't know how the hell he managed that. trust....i listen to music before i walk past my parents room now. no joke.

[That_Girl]

Well they were on and off... in and out.. so she'd bring these guys home to piss him off. I didn't stick around. I'm sure the screaming matches were scary. Ohhh nice! Gotta give your brother mad props! Good for him. Bahahahaha doesn't surprise me! :p

[nigrum homonculus]

oh damn that sounds slightly brutal. they must of been. wouldn't be surprised if your dad decided to throw down. i do! he's got game i'll give him that.

[That_Girl]

Eh. To each his own. They are still 'together' so... whatever. Throw down? Like hit her? Hahaha so why don't you ask him instead of asking me?!?!

[nigrum homonculus]

...wait didn't you tell me they broke up a while ago? no no i meant punched the guy she brought home. wait what? i didn't ask you anything you silly rabbit. but i couldn't exactly go "hey albert...how did you manage to bring home them twins?" like that's appropriate. he'll slap me.

[That_Girl]

They are always off and on but usually stay in the same house. That's fairly together. I'm not sure if they're married at the moment... Ohhh I have no clue. I know he'd never hit her but he may have hit one of the guys. lol you've asked me before about girls and s**t. Like... you know... you know... I'd ask. WOuld he slap you and then tell you?

[nigrum homonculus]

bloody hell! that household sounds tense. oooooooooooooh yeah yeah i have. he don't give advice, more of praise that i ain't done anything yet. he don't want nephews any time soon. yeah then again, you are the type of person to ask a guy if he's ever been caught playing tug of war with the cyclops while the rents walk in like its a perfectly normal question no? he would slap me. tell my mum what i said and probably cuss me for a day. no gain in that what. so. ever.

[That_Girl]

Who cares? I'm on the other side of the country! They can do whatever they wish. Hahaha but it's YOU. Not just anyone. Does your mom know about the twins? You see, what you have to do is find a way to blackmail him.

[nigrum homonculus]

LOL fair point fair point. yeeeeah, if you say so mrs socially awkward questions. yep but only on a hi bye basis. mummy bear did not give a f**k about who we brought in the house. ah but you don't know my brother. if i do that...he'll fight me and you don't fight my brother albert....you don't. he's the same size as me but with abnormal upper body strength. its like fighting a pocket sized rhino.

[That_Girl]

Nice! She must be great! Ohhh.... well, don't die. The point of this is to enhance your life.

[nigrum homonculus]

yah she is! looool i won't because i won't ask him lol. anyway i'm off to bed. cya!