deepest shame

inspired by plan b. i took my time with this one. hopefully its better than what i have been writing recently. and i know the flow messes up in the end. i just gave up with it after a while :)

She used to be a princess

Straight As, role model in a prom dress

But now she’s a mess

Began to digress

From the path that was paved for her progress.

 

Once logical, phenomenal thinker

Now influenced, both ways, drinker.

Alcoholic induced coma

Seed planted by a middle aged vulture

 

Crash landing with speed and ferocity

Free falling at terminal velocity.

She thought she could fly

Her wings were denied

Rock bottom on her back, there she lies.

 

This price is one that she must pay

No one will forgive her for her mistakes

Unsympathetic towards her pain,

She bares the deepest scars of deepest shame. 

Reviews

[Allycat]

Incredible write as always! It's one of my favorites that you've done out of the ones I've seen :) I love how this poem tells a story. I really love the second stanza
Great work!

[Steven Cash]

it was good i think

[Destinyxi]

The rhymes, oh the rhymes, freaking eyeball orgy haha, or ear...because it has to do with sound.. bleh I must be tired xD Great rhyming! If only I could rhyme like that x.x


This was a great poem! You didn't mess up at all.

[nigrum homonculus]

hahaha! i'm glad you enjoyed it. was my first time writing like this! ah you could rhyme like this easily. thanks for the awesome review. i really appreciate it!

[Destinyxi]

Thank you for writing it haha, and no, I definitely can't rhyme like that. If it were up to me, I'd rhyme my poems with 'love' 'dove' and all that jazz haha :P

[emmy bon]

well not a mess as you think, it still good, nice writing well done.

[SHEEMA HUQ]

you've considered and expressed all the aspects of this complex disease with compassion and clarity, well done Phil

[jrPaperheart]

Commendable wordplay with this piece. Dark & Lovely.

[nigrum homonculus]

thanks for that man. glad you enjoyed it :)

[Dr. Wood ?]

Despite my age, I DO listen to recent bands..LOVE all kinds of music...For my sins, I cannot get in to rap....Don't know Plan B...
Maybe I am a dinosaur..shufflin' round upon the floor...head in the sands of sixty five... barely alive...barely alive...

sorry about that..got carried away..I do believe you have the makings of a great rap song here (Ever tried rapping it?) It is very good

[nigrum homonculus]

haha ah he's a...i don't know what he is. he dosen't really have a genre. but he's good at singing and rapping. idk if that's lyrics or your own but that made me chuckle.

oh yeah its what i tried to do with it. i'm trying to get the jist of rap under my belt. thanks for that its kinda my first time!

[Dr. Wood ?]

yep...MY RAP.....Maybe I should release itHa Ha

[Coyote Poetry]

Easy to fall down. Hard to get up. Few of us are not scared by mistake. We must learn from them and hope we can find the road back. A powerful story with a sad ending. Real love can forgive. Thank you for the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[nigrum homonculus]

very true coyote. thank you for that review. i appreciated that.

[That_Girl]

I don't think it unraveled at the end really... the style of rhyming just changed a little bit. But it didn't do anything negative to the poem at all. This is really really good... one of your best. It actually does flow nicely and the last stanza is absolutely perfect. I have nothing bad to say - no sarcasm. This is damn fine.

[nigrum homonculus]

unraveled? whatcha mean? one of my best? s**t man thanks! i'll deffo make more in this kind of style. thanks for the awesome review

[That_Girl]

You didn't lose anything at the end. You said you messed it up but in my POV, you didn't. You're very welcome. Well done!