pyro

idk where i was going with this one aswell. off the top of my head. words just came flying at me.

Another sacrificial lamb

Placed in the cult of a pentagram

Got a fiery agenda  against the concrete holy land

Who knows a man…

Set to light s**t

Like fire works for his sick and twisted mind tricks

 

He’s a maniac

Pyromaniac Insomniac

Twisted by the teachings

Of a corrupted orders preachings

He’s a maniac

Pyromaniac Insomniac

Ain’t closed his eyes in a while

So his visions are vile

 

Who knows a man

At the centre of a mystery?

No one knows his name

just his violent history.

Feeling the heat

No Miami B ball team

Feeling the heat

Like runny lava stream.

 

He’s a maniac

Pyromaniac Insomniac

Twisted by the teachings

Of a corrupted orders preachings

He’s a maniac

Pyromaniac Insomniac

Ain’t closed his eyes in a while

So his visions are vile

 

He burn churches.

While rhyming

 dramatizing

slapping dogma with hand full of lightning

he keeps smiling

flames burning

his face embracing

the flames he not long ago created

 

He’s a maniac

Pyromaniac Insomniac

Twisted by the teachings

Of a corrupted orders preachings

He’s a maniac

Pyromaniac Insomniac

Haven’t closed my eyes

Ever since….

Author's Note

ok ok before you say anything it was not meant to be a rap...even though i added a chorus or something? anyway no rap. i don't like rapping.

Reviews

[JohnnyMagrinho]

It certainly comes across as a rap, but I don't think that does any injustice to the piece/your sentiment whatsoever. Rap doesn't have to be rapped, it can be talked, but with flow and rhythm. This is essentially what your piece resonates towards; a spoken word with pace that shapes its own presence.

I like the message being conveyed from this writing, even if it does become a bit confused - at least to me - towards the end. Is the speaker referring to himself in the third person throughout and then sounds out he is the maniac? Or is this maniac someone the person knows or another personality, trapped within the speaker?

I adored one part:

"He burn churches.
While rhyming
dramatizing
slapping dogma with hand full of lightning"

This can be taken both literally and figuratively and it works either way. Slapping dogma with a handful of lightning is wonderful imagery and plays the impiety of real holiness, especially from within the eyes of the afflicted. It's a delightful contradiction of religion and its role within society where so often the weak and misunderstood are neglected by the government and rest of society and so are taken in by the church. This could work against the church, too, as a man with nothing can be seen as unholy himself and not worthy. I think there is a lot to that lyric as the origin of the discomfort felt by the maniac is not clear. It leaves a lot to be thought about.

I would advise you to not be so adamant this is not a rap, after all this is expression of self and whatever feeling you have within you, and to express it in such a way does not hinder or play down anything you may feel to be worthy of daylight.

I like the raw edge constant throughout this piece. It's an interesting piece and the rhyming plays in nicely with the overall message and doesn't dilute/detract from it.

[nigrum homonculus]

oh? never thought of it like that. yeah i admit. towards the end i was running out of ideas and i wanted to put a twist in it. yes the maniac is actually the speaker referring to himself in third person and showing he has not regretted his odd and somewhat horrifying decisions hence "Haven’t closed my eyes
Ever since…." as i said...idk where i was going with it.

oh damn! i never ever thought of it like that. i mean i tried to get across he wasn't scared of omnipotence with that line. but everything else you came up with was just out of the blue for me. i really really do appreciate the fact you looked into my work like that.

yeah. i said that as a sort of safe guard in a way as i thought i didn't perform rap right. but as you said it can be talked with flow and rhythm so i'm pretty happy with that.

thank you johnny. its my first time writing like this and i really do appreciate this feedback. again thank you.

[JohnnyMagrinho]

Well I think as a first time attempt on something such as an articulate inner rant which could be seen to be a rap on something much more volatile it's not a bad attempt.

I think you have a lot of potential to write very fluid, concise rhythmic pieces. Next time you feel the urge to spew, then spew as much as you can. Perhaps it'll encourage a vomitting session and you'll sick up some of your best work.

I'm very interested in work like this. You had a point to make and you made it well and more importantly, honestly. There is a voice within all poetry, and as long as it is your own you'll do OK. Just don't try to sound like anyone else. I think that's hard for any of us!

[nigrum homonculus]

thanks! got any tips on how to get better?

you think? i have some other stuff like this. not as raw but it has the same sort of feel to it. check my poem RIOT! yeah very true. i'll definately keep that in mind when ever inspiration hits me as quick as this did.

thank you. very true there. i do try to keep my poetry personal but in a way that alienates the reader you know? amen! there have been many times i have wrote something up thought it sounded like something i heard or read from this site. scrunched it up and swore like a drunken sailor. it is kinda difficult finding your own voice in poetry in a way

[JohnnyMagrinho]

I'm not a poet at all, so if you're looking for advice on how to get better you'd be better off asking somebody a bit more skilled at writing poetry than myself, but I will just say make sure whatever you write is something you believe and hold to be true. Do not see a piece of poetry as something you own or control or pertain to, see it to be an extension of yourself much like a hair on your head or dried flake of skin peeling on your heel. We are whatever we feel ourselves to be, and I believe poetry, music, song, dance, literature, art, even utterances are just extensions of that being. So to worry about something we already are, and whatever we already have, is like worrying about what the tea will taste like when we know exactly what the ingredients are.

Raw style is usually the best, but of course it depends on what you result you are aiming for. Sometimes if it is too raw the meaning is lost to indecision and convolution of content, so it may need gentle refinement but I do believe if you write like this, with such speed and fluidity, more often than not you'll find yourself spitting rhymes and rap with little problem.

I usually write a piece after days of consideration or a notable event happens in my life. Whatever motivates me to think, contemplate, reflect and be disgusted or enlightened will usually be penned down within that instant. Sometimes one of these instances can be 1 minute in length, other times it can be a matter of weeks.

Do not rush whatever you feel, but at the same time do not believe for one second your feelings and sentiments owe you anything at all, otherwise you'll be waiting a lifetime to feel something.

Oh, and the pen isn't mightier than the sword. Just in case you were thinking that. I think a lot of dead people would disagree with anyone who said that. Words will can hold their place in history, yes, but blood is pretty hard to get rid off, too.

[XxxModifyTheMassesxxX]

another amazing piece my friend. well done

[Fréyjä Helv..]

yah... it did kinda sound like a rap or song... the rhymes and how you repeat some lines or words made it so... doesn't mean it's a bad thing... I like the thought it carries. It had a nice flow to it and I enjoyed reading it.. Nice work..

[nigrum homonculus]

thanks for that. glad you enjoyed it.

[Harley (arbiter)]

Rap? No no no this was like a hard as heck and kinda fast rock and roll is what I thought. Like I mean ear splitting guitar with it ya know? Not scream though... oh wait is this a song or no? Anyway I liked it! Was awesome man!

[Baby Ricochet]

I like the religious twist.

[nigrum homonculus]

thanks! i thought i would offend some people with it : / so i was kinda scared lol

[Baby Ricochet]

Bro I think some of the s**t I write offends a lot of people. THey don't like it they don't have to read it. Write whatever you want

[Harley (arbiter)]

Amen! Some of my stuff has offended people remember? I think I told you Virgo. Maybe not but anyway it's your stuff so write it!

[xxxrawr_friendxxx]

Lol as I was reading it, it came across as a song to me. c:

[nigrum homonculus]

ah yeah i tried to for it to come across like that. thanks for reading.