Modern crisis.

Modern crisis.

A Poem by nigrum homonculus
"

straight out of writers block. bit shite and i don't think i conveyed the message properly. political poetry is very very new to me.

"

The crisis of today, the thought of tomorrow.

The generation of today, live a future in sorrow.

 

Working to the bone towards a tasteless success.

Achieving a diploma, in stagnant progress.

 

What has happened to this world? Bring forth our investments.

Bring forth the seed we planted, not the farmers resentment.

 

I questions the morals, have we really thought this through?

Or do THEY not give a damn about me and you.

 

Do THEY echo lies in the hallowed halls of truth?

Do THEY make it rain on a house with no roof?

 

Do THEY feed gasoline, to an ever growing flame?

Or are THEY a crutch, an excuse for us to blame.

© 2012 nigrum homonculus


Author's Note

nigrum homonculus
really tried with flow on this one. feedback on that would be greatly appreciated also, tell me if i digressed from the subject matter in anyway.

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Reviews

Nice. social commentry with the most unpretentious accessible approach. to be able to say so much in such a small poem is a true skill. Your mind is so preciously precocious!

Posted 12 Years Ago


Total prediction of my future right there hahaha. Nice to see you doing something that actually has a deeper meaning rather than me just making one up to find out it's about mortal combat or something! You should keep writing pieces like this.

Posted 12 Years Ago


One of the cool things about your poems is they come across older than you are. Definitely not a typical teenage rant. There's more intelligence in them than that. Christ some of my stuff is more immature than yours and I'm in my thirties.

Posted 12 Years Ago


nigrum homonculus

12 Years Ago

thank you. that really did mean a lot. most of my poems are about video games haha so i doubt they a.. read more
beautiful......the flow is amazing and the rhyming was perfect ...good job

Posted 12 Years Ago


nigrum homonculus

12 Years Ago

thank you afra :)
Working to the bone towards a tasteless success... Love it. Remove the comma, though- it doesn't need it. (:

Posted 12 Years Ago


nigrum homonculus

12 Years Ago

thanks! what comma do you want me to remove?
Celestial Witch Child

12 Years Ago

the one in the line I mentioned
nigrum homonculus

12 Years Ago

oh yeah ok thanks.
Wow. I think that this is great. Great concept, theme, and flow. I loved reading it(:

Posted 12 Years Ago


nigrum homonculus

12 Years Ago

thanks kayla. glad you enjoyed it.
I don't see a problem with your flow at all. But I do think that, even though you are expressing thoughts on one subject, towards the middle it kind of feels like two different pieces of poetry. The subject is very clear here, and you do not digress from it... other than how I mentioned. I think it is a very well written and well thought out piece. Nice job!

Posted 12 Years Ago


nigrum homonculus

12 Years Ago

thanks for that! can you explain what you meant towards the middle of the poem?
Wild Willow Blue

12 Years Ago

I mean, literally, the middle. Between the lines, "Bring forth the seed we planted, not the farmers .. read more
Wow! Great job! The flow is smooth, though try to take a look at the fourth line ending with stagnant process and play around with the number of syllables on it a little more. Though, the little bump in the flow doesn't really detract from the awesomess of your poem, so it's up to you and a personal choice. Other than that I loved it and it is exceptionally well written! Well done!

Posted 12 Years Ago


nigrum homonculus

12 Years Ago

thanks! yeah at that time my brain went walkies. i'll brush up on it soon. again thank you for the r.. read more
There are a few grammatical errors, you might wanna review a bit... But apart from that, the contents and flow of the poem is well done. Pointing out present issues makes this interesting to read, and the rhymes just adds so much passion to it... Good work...

Posted 12 Years Ago


nigrum homonculus

12 Years Ago

thanks. i'll jump on the editing soon.
(Bob Dylan read this and walked away humming.) Well written.


At least, it looked like Dylan...

Posted 12 Years Ago


Michael G.

12 Years Ago

Just paying you a high compliment. Your words sounded like something Bob Dylan would sing.
Michael G.

12 Years Ago

nigrum homonculus

12 Years Ago

oh snap! thank you! that actually means alot.

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15 Reviews
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Added on July 17, 2012
Last Updated on July 19, 2012
Tags: politics, jobs, money, datvirgo

Author

nigrum homonculus
nigrum homonculus

london, surrey, United Kingdom



About
i have been away from this place for.....lord knows, something like 3-4 years? so i guess all the things i have experienced in that time have to come out somehow you know? so here we are. you're readi.. more..

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