Singularity

Snowflakes and people

I've been stuck at Chicago's O'Hare International Airport for the past four hours now. The flight board shows only cancelations due to a blinding blizzard raging over the Mid-West. With hundreds of other weary travelers, I am gazing down on to the snow-covered tarmac through the floor-to-ceiling airport windows. It is only 2 pm, but the ambiance feels like late afternoon. This perception may be psychological because we all feel gloomy. The huge Christmas tree in the center of the terminal does nothing to cheer us up, everyone just wants to go home.

Outside, the fallen snow is blowing around in all directions causing a complete whiteout. The angry wind slams snowflakes into the windows. I have plenty of time to watch the ice crystals frost the glass with dendrites branching out in asymmetry as if to impress me with their singularity. I watch the window glass turn translucent under a thin film of ice. A familiar mix of happiness and grief engulfs me. 

It is said that melancholy is sadness that has taken on lightness. This sliver of joy I feel in otherwise cheerless circumstances is triggered by the untouched, pristine snow which has always been a symbol of bliss to me. Waking up to unexpected snowfall was my ultimate childhood delight. It meant no school and a total breaking away from the ordinary. Snow turned a grim world into a perfect one, a layer of white magic to cover reality. 

As a grown-up, though, there seems to be only downside to snow. I look at the tired faces around me and it makes me sad. It's all within the confines of our heads, I realize. I bet we all have a latent desire to go outside and start a mad snowball fight, but there is just no catalyst here to make that happen.  

My mind drifts to the past week. On my way back to Europe, I have flown here from sunny Las Vegas where I  spent seven days locked up at the unavoidable Caesar's Palace as a participant in our annual Sales Conference. Two thousand four hundred sales execs, all working for the same global software company, have assembled for this big production on The Strip. Tribute is paid to the illusion that once again this year we've beaten the competition. No doubt, somewhere in a similar convention center in Paris or Boston, our adversaries are doing the exact same thing. And so the world turns.

No efforts have been spared to make us feel part of a global powerhouse. Our turnover equals the GDP of a small European country, our CEO shakes hands in Davos with Obama and Merkel and the value of our global brand is right up there with Coca Cola's. And I must admit that the keynote speakers on stage at the Gala Dinner have triggered a definite exaltation in me to belong to this company. When the Sales Achievement Award is granted to Team India for persevering and reaching target despite several natural disasters this year, the crowd goes wild while Coldplay’s A Sky Full of Stars blasts from the powerful sound system. I feel the adrenaline pumping and my hair is standing on end. I, together with all my peers, am in awe. Tick in the box.

Indeed, I feel as if I've not been alone for one minute the whole week, playing my part in a sophisticated corporate choreography. No need to question the why, we are in Vegas to celebrate the what. All of us essential yet interchangeable cogs in a global sales machine. No room for identity. Safety in conformity. A large corporation is like an army, the platoon matters, not the individual.

Funny when you come to think of it, our overriding commercial objectives seem to be of a higher order than any local disputes we might have. My colleagues flew in from twenty-nine different countries to this desolate place in the Nevada desert as if participating in a Global Peace Summit held in a demilitarized zone. Our Russian sales reps had breakfast with their American peers not discussing the annexation of Crimea. Arabs drank tea with Israelites not touching upon Gaza. Greeks and Germans played the slot machines side by side, unconcerned with the next tier of Triumvirate debt relief. All of the real-world conflicts which are a burning platform outside this hotel are suspended for the duration of this grandiose ego fest. Nothing unites people like money does, at least for one week in this Palace of Kitsch, with not one single window to the world. Narrowing our perspectives down to our trading targets has us properly fixated and acting as brothers-in-arms.

Indeed, the plot in Vegas is to make us feel like corporate warriors. This is cleverly crafted because once we are in that frame of mind, you can ask us anything. Sales heroism is to the alpha male what cocaine is to an addict, injected straight into the vein. The global software market is depicted as a war zone and acts of bravery on this commercial battlefield are rewarded in a very public way. Doses of praise are doled out in the form of sales awards and entry tickets to a select line-up. The group is split in two. Those who ‘made Club' and those who did not. The quota-achieving  elite gets an admission ticket to the prestigious President's Club. This All-Star team will go with their spouses on a lavish company-paid vacation to Aruba. The others will do what it takes to make it next year or will die trying. In any case, ‘The 100% Club' puts a strain on quite a few marriages. 

All of this is pretty addictive stuff, taking place in a Casino of all places. It has us hooked in an eerie, primeval way. The art of selling is framed in terms of campaigns, tactics, and strategies. Recognition is structured as a system of ceremonies, rites, and rituals, appealing directly to the brainstem, the oldest part of our intellect where primitive instincts and primal emotions overrule more sophisticated reasoning. 

Our reptilian brain took millions of years to develop and its agenda is to assure we survive and thrive. It can make us reach beyond our boundaries, fueled by its potent will to power. Think of the ritual behavior of two lions establishing territories and competing for dominance.  Not unlike two sales execs going after the same deal. Winner takes it all. Brilliant set-up and a proven concept borrowed from the world of predators.

Amongst the many hundreds of sales colleagues, only very few are female and the ladies really stand out. Obviously, they are aware of the 100:1 sex ratio here at the event and bask in the extraordinary attention. Dressed for success in Giorgio Armani business suits and spectacular Bulgari evening dresses, they work their double magic of beauty and brains. There is Sarah from Detroit, Ana from Sao Paulo, and, of course, Viktoriya from St-Petersburg who wins over the crowd while presenting a customer case in plenary session in broken English with an irresistible Russian accent. I suspect she masters the English language far better than this but uses the accent for maximum effect on the sea of male onlookers. She is flawless, both in style and essence. Her particular Russian blend of girlish charm and business savvy is a winning combination with this hard-to-please wolf pack. I can only imagine what she can accomplish with a customer. Respect.

I am thinking: ‘She radiates personality’. I've been observing my male colleagues during the week. They all seem cast in the same mold. Look at them and you see ardent crusaders, equipped with adequate body armor - business casual, no tie. They are cool and composed in their personas and robust in their convictions. Life seems straightforward, no room for doubts or regrets. Or any other feelings for that matter.

But I know from experience that fear is a powerful emotion in sales people. Internal competition makes us far more nervous than the customer does. We are anxious not to get behind our peers on the leader board, we are afraid to miss quota, and ultimately to get fired. And these worries overlay a dread buried even deeper, the trepidation to get rejected from a top-selling sales culture that provides not only our livelihood but also our self-esteem. To be in sales is in effect  an elaborate immortality project, feeding off our basic survival instinct. We can achieve greatness amongst our peers and feel part of a symbolic system that provides us with a sense of accomplishment, not to mention cash in our pockets. No need for command-and-control. We so much want to be part of this that we act under our own steam.

I wonder what the others see when they look at me. I am sure my polished exterior cannot hide the fact that my inner weather is more unstable than theirs. Or could it be that they are in the same constant state of flux as I am? How else could I have stood my ground for so long in this competitive crowd and even managed to climb up the food chain.

For the first time ever it strikes me that there is absolutely no way that I'd be somehow special. That I'd be unique, with my shifting emotions and constant mind chatter. I concede that all of us have this same inner dialogue going on. I almost laugh out loud at the thought of speech bubbles floating above all the heads of the conference audience, many hundreds of personal narratives going on at the same time. I feel instant relief just by visualizing this. The seemingly superhuman equanimity of my peers could very well be only skin-deep and does no longer intimidate me. The singularity may be hidden, like a tattoo beneath our Hugo Boss shirts, but it is there.

I come back to the here and now at O'Hare in Chicago when from the corner of my eye I notice the flight board jump from reds to greens. My fellow travelers are picking up their bags and start moving to the gates with restored spirits. I must have been standing here for quite a while lost in thought because the sky has cleared outside. The ice crystals on the window glass reflect the rays of a pale winter sun. Crews outside are de-icing the wings of the planes. We are on the move.

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Sales is a game and I am a seasoned player. But it is no more than a game. It is not who I am.

My mood gets a further lift when I hear Bruce Springsteen’s  Dancing in the Dark playing in the background. The video wall projects the classic 1984 clip in which The Boss invites a young and stunning Courteney Cox to join him to dance on stage, her first shot at fame. 

I look at the 'Now boarding' sign next to my flight. I walk up to the gate and feel lighthearted while I show my boarding pass to the cute blond attendant. Her name tag spells Vicky which instantly reminds me of my charming St-Petersburg colleague. This Vicky right here smiles back at me in a professional yet personal way. I am sure she is genuinely happy to see me and this is not pretending.

Author's Note

Version v5 has been uploaded, thank you all for the very relevant feedback.

Reviews

[Woody]

breathtaking! I usually shy away from long writes but, damned if I could tear myself away from this brilliant piece. everything in it is just perfect. I'd be very much surprised if this turned out to be fiction. everything in rings true, coming from a methodical, organized mind. reeally super.

[Philip Muls]

Thank you for kind feedback. Augmented non-fiction, does that exist. Enhanced reality ? I am wondering what I should call it. It is based upon real business travel and events but with some creativity in the story telling.

[Woody]

enhanced reality. that's good. you know how to narrate real events with an elegant pen, if I'm making senses.

[Riddhi]

I enjoyed reading it and yes i liked your idea that every one has a child hidden in you who can during snowfall go outside and start playing....I loved the way you described the sales rep on a huge convention outing and thanks for sharing..Keep writing .I am eagerly waiting for your next writing....and Happy New Year....

[Archos]

Great piece written in a perfectly natural and fluent style. You obviously know what you want to deliver with your writing and you do. Thanks for sharing.

[MandaBear]

You are a very talented writer. Well written piece you have here. You definitely know how to weave a story together =)

[cycy]

you are a very talented writer, i don't usually enjoy reading stories as they tend to be long but i really enjoyed reading this one. well written.

[cloud]

With your talent for writing, I would have loved to see your insight on the music industry and how its changed over the years. I'm sure corporations have taken it over with the same mentality as the people you speak of. This sales first people second method of business does seem scary to the average reader. You never mentioned corruption but I'm sure there must be elements within the fabric somewhere?

Your details and specifics were fine although being I'm not a fan of business I won't lie, it got a bit boring in places while I searched for a point to the story. Overall, it is a good story though and written very well. I look forward to reading more from you soon.

[Brandon Forry]

Hey Philip,

first of all, let me say that what you have here is a great narrative: a look into the life and mind of the speaker. I very much enjoy the introspective and contemplative way you look at the things around you. Now, in this particular piece, I must say that the points you bring out are very human and relatable. You draw some nice conclusions and points from the different experiences at the conference, all being contemplated as you stand in O'Hare, waiting for a delayed departure. Now, that being said, I can't help but feel a sense of discontinuity, unfortunately. You bring up these great points, but I feel a little jostled in my reading, shifting from one topic to another. Your story here almost takes on a essay kind of feel as you explore some hypotheses on the nature of the human mind and instinct and the way in which the conference feeds on those primal inclinations. I would almost say, then, to form your story as an essay, except that seems to take away from the narrative feel. Perhaps work on segues from one topic to the other. I'm sure that's what is written is happening in the mind of the speaker in any case. I know I do that a lot when I write from my mind. Stream-of-consciousness, if you will.

Now, on to the question of the day: a book of travel thoughts. I must say that I quite like the idea. Now, although I may be critical about your delivery in the above story, I must say I really like your style, you have a great vocabulary that you use well, and a good feel to your narrative, and I could really get into it. I haven't read many other of your short stories posted on this site, but I would only say to perhaps have some theme in mind for the book (aside from "traveling" and "thoughts"). That in and of itself is good, and nice to read, but if you were wanting to publish them together, I might find some way to bring it all together, if you will. I hope that makes sense, and if you want me to try and flesh out what I'm saying more, just shoot me a message. I do feel I could be sitting down and reading a book when I read your narrative though. You have a good style for it, and you do it well. You're able to take the reader to the places you've been, to the thoughts you've had, and to draw them into the story; all traits that are very important for writing about traveling.

Keep it up! I am a fan of your writing.
Cheers,
Brandon

[Philip Muls]

Thanks Brandon, very relevant and useful feedback which I will surely take into account!

[CD Campbell]

Good piece. Felt that during this whole write that you would have gladly been anywhere else, writing about something else. Melancholy and all that. Not a good reviewer on short story work, but I liked it. CD

[Cherrie]

I also enjoyed this piece of writing. The parallels were excellent.

[Kaliope]

Beautiful writing. I just attended a somewhat similar meeting last week and imho you captured the mood perfectly.
Only advise I can give is tightening the text a bit. In the second half I think you could get rid of a few paragraphs, the message had already been loud and clear at that point and you could have skipped straight to the lovely resolution.
Nevertheless - great job, highly enjoyable!

[Philip Muls]

Thanks for constructive feedback. I would be interested in your opinion whether this story and my other writing could all be part of a book of 'travel thoughts' ?

[Kaliope]

Phew, that's a difficult question and one I don't feel entirely qualified to answer.

If you really want my very personal, totally subjective and utterly unrepresentative opinion: I love immersive literature that provides a form of escapism. Therefore, while I honestly enjoy your style and observations, I have to say that most of your stories feel a bit too close to home, and thus remind me of the very things I'm trying to escape from. So would I buy an entire book of your short stories? Probably not. Not a quality issue, though, actually it's quite a token of your skill that you evoke this kind of discomfort in me :-)

But luckily the world consists of a whole lot of different people with different taste and preferences and some of them might be looking just for what you have in mind.

So.. I suppose the best advice I can give you is this: If that's the direction you want to go, do it. If it feels right, it usually is right. Not very substantial advice, I know, and I wish I could be of more help, but in the end writing - imho - is all about gut feeling and following one's own dream. If we start thinking about it in terms of marketability and target audiences... Well, I guess you know all too well where we'll end up... ;-)

[Philip Muls]

Thank you, very open and constructive feedback! Kind regards Philip

[Einstein Noodle]

no wonder you have turned to writing ;) love the title and the impressions of a sales rep on a huge convention outing ..very reassuring as you draw the parallels between cultures able to sit together in Vegas but rarely anywhere else .. its a lesson that screams IT CAN BE DONE! ... i think the body could be shortened almost by half ... i found myself speed reading just passed middle ... beautiful closing paragraph ... so human!
E.

[Philip Muls]

Thanks for constructive feedback. I would be interested in your opinion whether this story and my other writing could all be part of a book of 'travel thoughts' ?

[Einstein Noodle]

i think you will know if things fit in that direction ..i will try to read more but am probably not one to go to for a book thing ... if it fits ..it fits ...;) love and peace!
E.