Singularity

Snowflakes and people

I've been stuck at Chicago's O'Hare International Airport for the past four hours now. The flight board shows only cancelations due to a blinding blizzard raging over the Mid-West. With hundreds of other weary travelers, I am gazing down on to the snow-covered tarmac through the floor-to-ceiling airport windows. It is only 2 pm, but the ambiance feels like late afternoon. This perception may be psychological because we all feel gloomy. The huge Christmas tree in the center of the terminal does nothing to cheer us up, everyone just wants to go home.

Outside, the fallen snow is blowing around in all directions causing a complete whiteout. The angry wind slams snowflakes into the windows. I have plenty of time to watch the ice crystals frost the glass with dendrites branching out in asymmetry as if to impress me with their singularity. I watch the window glass turn translucent under a thin film of ice. A familiar mix of happiness and grief engulfs me. 

It is said that melancholy is sadness that has taken on lightness. This sliver of joy I feel in otherwise cheerless circumstances is triggered by the untouched, pristine snow which has always been a symbol of bliss to me. Waking up to unexpected snowfall was my ultimate childhood delight. It meant no school and a total breaking away from the ordinary. Snow turned a grim world into a perfect one, a layer of white magic to cover reality. 

As a grown-up, though, there seems to be only downside to snow. I look at the tired faces around me and it makes me sad. It's all within the confines of our heads, I realize. I bet we all have a latent desire to go outside and start a mad snowball fight, but there is just no catalyst here to make that happen.  

My mind drifts to the past week. On my way back to Europe, I have flown here from sunny Las Vegas where I  spent seven days locked up at the unavoidable Caesar's Palace as a participant in our annual Sales Conference. Two thousand four hundred sales execs, all working for the same global software company, have assembled for this big production on The Strip. Tribute is paid to the illusion that once again this year we've beaten the competition. No doubt, somewhere in a similar convention center in Paris or Boston, our adversaries are doing the exact same thing. And so the world turns.

No efforts have been spared to make us feel part of a global powerhouse. Our turnover equals the GDP of a small European country, our CEO shakes hands in Davos with Obama and Merkel and the value of our global brand is right up there with Coca Cola's. And I must admit that the keynote speakers on stage at the Gala Dinner have triggered a definite exaltation in me to belong to this company. When the Sales Achievement Award is granted to Team India for persevering and reaching target despite several natural disasters this year, the crowd goes wild while Coldplay’s A Sky Full of Stars blasts from the powerful sound system. I feel the adrenaline pumping and my hair is standing on end. I, together with all my peers, am in awe. Tick in the box.

Indeed, I feel as if I've not been alone for one minute the whole week, playing my part in a sophisticated corporate choreography. No need to question the why, we are in Vegas to celebrate the what. All of us essential yet interchangeable cogs in a global sales machine. No room for identity. Safety in conformity. A large corporation is like an army, the platoon matters, not the individual.

Funny when you come to think of it, our overriding commercial objectives seem to be of a higher order than any local disputes we might have. My colleagues flew in from twenty-nine different countries to this desolate place in the Nevada desert as if participating in a Global Peace Summit held in a demilitarized zone. Our Russian sales reps had breakfast with their American peers not discussing the annexation of Crimea. Arabs drank tea with Israelites not touching upon Gaza. Greeks and Germans played the slot machines side by side, unconcerned with the next tier of Triumvirate debt relief. All of the real-world conflicts which are a burning platform outside this hotel are suspended for the duration of this grandiose ego fest. Nothing unites people like money does, at least for one week in this Palace of Kitsch, with not one single window to the world. Narrowing our perspectives down to our trading targets has us properly fixated and acting as brothers-in-arms.

Indeed, the plot in Vegas is to make us feel like corporate warriors. This is cleverly crafted because once we are in that frame of mind, you can ask us anything. Sales heroism is to the alpha male what cocaine is to an addict, injected straight into the vein. The global software market is depicted as a war zone and acts of bravery on this commercial battlefield are rewarded in a very public way. Doses of praise are doled out in the form of sales awards and entry tickets to a select line-up. The group is split in two. Those who ‘made Club' and those who did not. The quota-achieving  elite gets an admission ticket to the prestigious President's Club. This All-Star team will go with their spouses on a lavish company-paid vacation to Aruba. The others will do what it takes to make it next year or will die trying. In any case, ‘The 100% Club' puts a strain on quite a few marriages. 

All of this is pretty addictive stuff, taking place in a Casino of all places. It has us hooked in an eerie, primeval way. The art of selling is framed in terms of campaigns, tactics, and strategies. Recognition is structured as a system of ceremonies, rites, and rituals, appealing directly to the brainstem, the oldest part of our intellect where primitive instincts and primal emotions overrule more sophisticated reasoning. 

Our reptilian brain took millions of years to develop and its agenda is to assure we survive and thrive. It can make us reach beyond our boundaries, fueled by its potent will to power. Think of the ritual behavior of two lions establishing territories and competing for dominance.  Not unlike two sales execs going after the same deal. Winner takes it all. Brilliant set-up and a proven concept borrowed from the world of predators.

Amongst the many hundreds of sales colleagues, only very few are female and the ladies really stand out. Obviously, they are aware of the 100:1 sex ratio here at the event and bask in the extraordinary attention. Dressed for success in Giorgio Armani business suits and spectacular Bulgari evening dresses, they work their double magic of beauty and brains. There is Sarah from Detroit, Ana from Sao Paulo, and, of course, Viktoriya from St-Petersburg who wins over the crowd while presenting a customer case in plenary session in broken English with an irresistible Russian accent. I suspect she masters the English language far better than this but uses the accent for maximum effect on the sea of male onlookers. She is flawless, both in style and essence. Her particular Russian blend of girlish charm and business savvy is a winning combination with this hard-to-please wolf pack. I can only imagine what she can accomplish with a customer. Respect.

I am thinking: ‘She radiates personality’. I've been observing my male colleagues during the week. They all seem cast in the same mold. Look at them and you see ardent crusaders, equipped with adequate body armor - business casual, no tie. They are cool and composed in their personas and robust in their convictions. Life seems straightforward, no room for doubts or regrets. Or any other feelings for that matter.

But I know from experience that fear is a powerful emotion in sales people. Internal competition makes us far more nervous than the customer does. We are anxious not to get behind our peers on the leader board, we are afraid to miss quota, and ultimately to get fired. And these worries overlay a dread buried even deeper, the trepidation to get rejected from a top-selling sales culture that provides not only our livelihood but also our self-esteem. To be in sales is in effect  an elaborate immortality project, feeding off our basic survival instinct. We can achieve greatness amongst our peers and feel part of a symbolic system that provides us with a sense of accomplishment, not to mention cash in our pockets. No need for command-and-control. We so much want to be part of this that we act under our own steam.

I wonder what the others see when they look at me. I am sure my polished exterior cannot hide the fact that my inner weather is more unstable than theirs. Or could it be that they are in the same constant state of flux as I am? How else could I have stood my ground for so long in this competitive crowd and even managed to climb up the food chain.

For the first time ever it strikes me that there is absolutely no way that I'd be somehow special. That I'd be unique, with my shifting emotions and constant mind chatter. I concede that all of us have this same inner dialogue going on. I almost laugh out loud at the thought of speech bubbles floating above all the heads of the conference audience, many hundreds of personal narratives going on at the same time. I feel instant relief just by visualizing this. The seemingly superhuman equanimity of my peers could very well be only skin-deep and does no longer intimidate me. The singularity may be hidden, like a tattoo beneath our Hugo Boss shirts, but it is there.

I come back to the here and now at O'Hare in Chicago when from the corner of my eye I notice the flight board jump from reds to greens. My fellow travelers are picking up their bags and start moving to the gates with restored spirits. I must have been standing here for quite a while lost in thought because the sky has cleared outside. The ice crystals on the window glass reflect the rays of a pale winter sun. Crews outside are de-icing the wings of the planes. We are on the move.

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Sales is a game and I am a seasoned player. But it is no more than a game. It is not who I am.

My mood gets a further lift when I hear Bruce Springsteen’s  Dancing in the Dark playing in the background. The video wall projects the classic 1984 clip in which The Boss invites a young and stunning Courteney Cox to join him to dance on stage, her first shot at fame. 

I look at the 'Now boarding' sign next to my flight. I walk up to the gate and feel lighthearted while I show my boarding pass to the cute blond attendant. Her name tag spells Vicky which instantly reminds me of my charming St-Petersburg colleague. This Vicky right here smiles back at me in a professional yet personal way. I am sure she is genuinely happy to see me and this is not pretending.

Author's Note

Version v5 has been uploaded, thank you all for the very relevant feedback.

Reviews

[Woody]

breathtaking! I usually shy away from long writes but, damned if I could tear myself away from this brilliant piece. everything in it is just perfect. I'd be very much surprised if this turned out to be fiction. everything in rings true, coming from a methodical, organized mind. reeally super.

[Philip Muls]

Thank you for kind feedback. Augmented non-fiction, does that exist. Enhanced reality ? I am wondering what I should call it. It is based upon real business travel and events but with some creativity in the story telling.

[Woody]

enhanced reality. that's good. you know how to narrate real events with an elegant pen, if I'm making senses.

[AE]

As someone who is always crafting stories in my head, I found this to be an interesting and well written piece. You set the tone and mood right off - - frustrated and snowbound at an airport amidst a host of others similarly held captive. But I also like the comparison to that of childhood and having a carefree and excited view of being snowbound and all the possibilities that brings. I didn't even notice the jumps between scenes/thoughts and felt it seamless. For me it reads initially like a memoir, but as I continued reading, I thought all this inner dialogue would make for a great character in some hero spy drama - - the unassuming guy and all his musings who rises above the occasion to save the world. Want to know if he succeeds in emerging above his peers, the moral choices he makes, does he succeed in his endeavors, and if he ends up larger than life.

[Avinash]

The story was able to take us to the same place as you and meanwhile being reflective on our current times. This made an engaging read.

[Timothy Ryan]

Thank you again for reviewing my story. So here's my review back. Looking over the reviews, any compliment has already been said. So unfortunately, I don't have any of those. Nothing about this really stood out as being good to me. If you want truth and advice on ways to improve then I have no problem in reviewing. But if you were just looking for compliments or people to hold your hand along the way, then I would delete this review.
To start, you give the reader way too many details. To the point where it just about kills the story. There was too much information about the company you work for and the meeting. It overflows the reader and drags any pace or interest you're trying to build to death like crawl. In the future, I would pick and choose what really needs to be said, and what can be left out. The right details can either kill a story or make it great.
The poetic lines were also something that I failed to connect with. "I have plenty of time to watch the ice crystals frost the glass with their dendrites slowly branching out in sublime asymmetry as if to impress me with their singularity." I understand what you're saying, but the words you chose to use killed the feeling of the message before you got to the grand emotion. Big words are good to use sometimes, cause they impress dummies like me, but they worked against you here. Writing is all about language, how and what is said to give feeling. Too much of one thing can throw off the balance of everything else.
Short stories are all about what is being told. I like the idea of the story, but the way it was told couldn't hold my interest. It felt more like a monologue as opposed to a personal experience. If you're telling the story from your point of view, then indulge us more into it. Give us dialogue to get to know the characters. Let us know how you feel. Otherwise, whats the point? Sometimes its not about what you're saying, but how you say it.
I hope some of this was helpful. Obviously, writing is something you enjoy if you're putting it out there for people to read and critique. If you're happy where you're at, then keep at it. But if you're looking to improve, then put in the work and accept that there's a lot of room to grow. Thank you for the review, and I hope this was helpful.

[Philip Muls]

Thank you for the constructive feedback Timothy.

[David Scott]

The observation of a critical thinker can quickly become the of a cynic if we choose to make assumptions of dis empowering meaning...
Yes, it is all a mind game of sorts. Still, when you act with integrity and sincerity, your assumptions will at least begin to give others the benefit of the doubt.
Interesting story! Felt very personal.

[Philip Muls]

Thanks for the feedback. I guess the point I am trying to make is that we should take ourselves not too seriously as sales people. It is a system, a game, in which each plays their part. I agree with you that integrity makes it a game that is acceptable, even honorable.

[AE]

As someone who is always crafting stories in my head, I found this to be an interesting and well written piece. You set the tone and mood right off - - frustrated and snowbound at an airport amidst a host of others similarly held captive. But I also like the comparison to that of childhood and having a carefree and excited view of being snowbound and all the possibilities that brings. I didn't even notice the jumps between scenes/thoughts and felt it seamless. For me it reads initially like a memoir, but as I continued reading, I thought all this inner dialogue would make for a great character in some hero spy drama - - the unassuming guy and all his musings who rises above the occasion to save the world. Want to know if he succeeds in emerging above his peers, the moral choices he makes, does he succeed in his endeavors, and if he ends up larger than life.

[CL Steffen]

As a former teacher I was able to relish in the childlike wonderment of a day off from reality for twenty years, now that I no longer teach, snow has become exactly as you describe. I really like your style and enjoy reading your pieces. Great work.

[Philip Muls]

Thank you, glad you enjoyed it. Kind regards Philip

[Norman T]

This was an interesting technique, Philip ,as I could almost sense the ambience of the location. It was not so much a "story ", in my opinion . but more of a "word picture". This is not a negative criticism, more an observation on an excellent piece of writing that created an immediate feeling of being there with you.
Looking forward to reading more of your work

Norman

[Philip Muls]

Thank you for the interesting viewpoint Norman. Kind regards Philip

[Meeks]

This is a critique. PM me if it offends you and I'll take it down.

The first few paragraphs were horrible. Waaaay to many details, it sounds like something from the romantic era, before hemingway was invented. Don't tell me where he was, don't tell me what the date was, and don't tell me all the little things because, honestly, I don't care. The story in no way connects with these details, and most are absolutely useless, except to make me stop and blink every few words.
Think of it this way. If you give me too many details, my eyes take them all in at my standard reading pace, and I can't manage that, so my brain breaks apart and I have to stop reading to piece it back together.

The character isn't everything he could be. I think you mentioned somewhere that this'll go into a larger book, so I trust it'll magically fix itself as you add more scenes. Just focus on what the character wants, and doesn't want to unflatten a character.

Nothing. Happens. Here. Add a plot.

It's all a monologue, and that's a problem. Characters are revealed in dialogue best, and large chunks of monologue are hard on the interest of readers.

I don't know if it's because I was reading Asimov several hours ago, or my favorite books are written differently, or if my style is just conflicting with your, or even if it's some gruesome combination, but boy, do I dislike the way you write.
Not personal, I don't know you well enough yet.
So, I'm into modern. I would think most people are, since that's the genre most books are written in recently, but this kind of goes against everything. I don't kniw if you've heard of the active/reactive module for writing, and if you haven't, look it up. I don't know exactly how it works, so I'm not going to risk it by giving you false information. Anyway, modernism pushes to combine the active with the reactive by making each module as short as possible, usually around two sentences.
This is a giant reactive scene. A monologue. Whole scenes that are reactive can be found in romance era writing, which is why everyone hates to read them. Though I admit that this is not bad.

Less big words, they will trip most people up and ruin the flow.

The ending is weak as well. Show us what's so special about the smile, and make sure he doesn't sound like they planned everything out days before.

Overall, great rough draft, though I have to say it needs work. Best part is definately the middle flashback section thingy, I actually read it through without stopping and it was great. Thanks for the post.
Ignorance is a bliss, they say, but even painful knowledge is satisfying. Sorry I didn't review earlier, I was caught up in things and this is hard to begin at any rate. Anyway, keep writing. It can only get better.

[Philip Muls]

I appreciate your feedback and no I not offended by it. I take your points as valid but I think you are into more action-oriented writing while mine us about contemplation and advancing insights into the human condition.

[Meeks]

I would like to think I'm sort of into contemplative as well, though I guess that might not be as true. I think my problem is that I try to show a thing about humans by pinpointing it and making everything else as different as possible to provide contrast towards it. Like one of those pictures of a little girl in a red jacket, where everything around her is black and white.
This reads a bit more like a philosophy textbook, except as a story. You get right to the point instead of circling around it like I try to (and fail, btw. You might have a thing going on here).

[An owl on the moon]

A wonderful glimpse across the expanse of these moments, captured in O'Hare (and what a wild airport, by the way!). It is amazing, as you show us so distinctly, that there is an abundance of life taking place all around you there. And each detail shows us another level.

[Philip Muls]

Thank you for the feedback. Kind regards Philip

[sweetsweet22]

enjoyable to read, good work!

[RT]

I love your work. Honestly, every time I read it - I see people reading it and enjoying it!!!
Here are a few things that I had trouble with...
This sentence felt awkward reading it -
" It is only 2 pm, but the ambiance feels like late afternoon, although this perception may be psychological in origin as we all feel gloomy."
Maybe change it slightly?
"It is only 2 pm, but the ambiance feels like late afternoon. This perception may be psychological in origin because we all feel gloomy."
These sentences didn't flow correctly to me:
"It is said that melancholy is sadness that has taken on lightness. In this case possibly the lightness of snow which has always been more of a symbol to me than anything else."
Not sure how to fix this one - it just didn't seem to be as clear to me as your usual phrasing. Was the lightness of snow the sadness/melancholy feeling...?
My final thoughts for correcting - the last few sentences just end abruptly. I feel like your thought wasn't finished. Or maybe I wasn't done with it... I wanted something more to it.
Other than those few things, I loved how you gave me the images of a world I don't live in among the sales people. I have been on the outskirts of it, but you give such a great view... Can't wait to read more of your work!!

[Philip Muls]

Thank you for the constructive feedback. I made some changes, many thanks ! Kind regards Philip