Singularity

Snowflakes and people

I've been stuck at Chicago's O'Hare International Airport for the past four hours now. The flight board shows only cancelations due to a blinding blizzard raging over the Mid-West. With hundreds of other weary travelers, I am gazing down on to the snow-covered tarmac through the floor-to-ceiling airport windows. It is only 2 pm, but the ambiance feels like late afternoon. This perception may be psychological because we all feel gloomy. The huge Christmas tree in the center of the terminal does nothing to cheer us up, everyone just wants to go home.

Outside, the fallen snow is blowing around in all directions causing a complete whiteout. The angry wind slams snowflakes into the windows. I have plenty of time to watch the ice crystals frost the glass with dendrites branching out in asymmetry as if to impress me with their singularity. I watch the window glass turn translucent under a thin film of ice. A familiar mix of happiness and grief engulfs me. 

It is said that melancholy is sadness that has taken on lightness. This sliver of joy I feel in otherwise cheerless circumstances is triggered by the untouched, pristine snow which has always been a symbol of bliss to me. Waking up to unexpected snowfall was my ultimate childhood delight. It meant no school and a total breaking away from the ordinary. Snow turned a grim world into a perfect one, a layer of white magic to cover reality. 

As a grown-up, though, there seems to be only downside to snow. I look at the tired faces around me and it makes me sad. It's all within the confines of our heads, I realize. I bet we all have a latent desire to go outside and start a mad snowball fight, but there is just no catalyst here to make that happen.  

My mind drifts to the past week. On my way back to Europe, I have flown here from sunny Las Vegas where I  spent seven days locked up at the unavoidable Caesar's Palace as a participant in our annual Sales Conference. Two thousand four hundred sales execs, all working for the same global software company, have assembled for this big production on The Strip. Tribute is paid to the illusion that once again this year we've beaten the competition. No doubt, somewhere in a similar convention center in Paris or Boston, our adversaries are doing the exact same thing. And so the world turns.

No efforts have been spared to make us feel part of a global powerhouse. Our turnover equals the GDP of a small European country, our CEO shakes hands in Davos with Obama and Merkel and the value of our global brand is right up there with Coca Cola's. And I must admit that the keynote speakers on stage at the Gala Dinner have triggered a definite exaltation in me to belong to this company. When the Sales Achievement Award is granted to Team India for persevering and reaching target despite several natural disasters this year, the crowd goes wild while Coldplay’s A Sky Full of Stars blasts from the powerful sound system. I feel the adrenaline pumping and my hair is standing on end. I, together with all my peers, am in awe. Tick in the box.

Indeed, I feel as if I've not been alone for one minute the whole week, playing my part in a sophisticated corporate choreography. No need to question the why, we are in Vegas to celebrate the what. All of us essential yet interchangeable cogs in a global sales machine. No room for identity. Safety in conformity. A large corporation is like an army, the platoon matters, not the individual.

Funny when you come to think of it, our overriding commercial objectives seem to be of a higher order than any local disputes we might have. My colleagues flew in from twenty-nine different countries to this desolate place in the Nevada desert as if participating in a Global Peace Summit held in a demilitarized zone. Our Russian sales reps had breakfast with their American peers not discussing the annexation of Crimea. Arabs drank tea with Israelites not touching upon Gaza. Greeks and Germans played the slot machines side by side, unconcerned with the next tier of Triumvirate debt relief. All of the real-world conflicts which are a burning platform outside this hotel are suspended for the duration of this grandiose ego fest. Nothing unites people like money does, at least for one week in this Palace of Kitsch, with not one single window to the world. Narrowing our perspectives down to our trading targets has us properly fixated and acting as brothers-in-arms.

Indeed, the plot in Vegas is to make us feel like corporate warriors. This is cleverly crafted because once we are in that frame of mind, you can ask us anything. Sales heroism is to the alpha male what cocaine is to an addict, injected straight into the vein. The global software market is depicted as a war zone and acts of bravery on this commercial battlefield are rewarded in a very public way. Doses of praise are doled out in the form of sales awards and entry tickets to a select line-up. The group is split in two. Those who ‘made Club' and those who did not. The quota-achieving  elite gets an admission ticket to the prestigious President's Club. This All-Star team will go with their spouses on a lavish company-paid vacation to Aruba. The others will do what it takes to make it next year or will die trying. In any case, ‘The 100% Club' puts a strain on quite a few marriages. 

All of this is pretty addictive stuff, taking place in a Casino of all places. It has us hooked in an eerie, primeval way. The art of selling is framed in terms of campaigns, tactics, and strategies. Recognition is structured as a system of ceremonies, rites, and rituals, appealing directly to the brainstem, the oldest part of our intellect where primitive instincts and primal emotions overrule more sophisticated reasoning. 

Our reptilian brain took millions of years to develop and its agenda is to assure we survive and thrive. It can make us reach beyond our boundaries, fueled by its potent will to power. Think of the ritual behavior of two lions establishing territories and competing for dominance.  Not unlike two sales execs going after the same deal. Winner takes it all. Brilliant set-up and a proven concept borrowed from the world of predators.

Amongst the many hundreds of sales colleagues, only very few are female and the ladies really stand out. Obviously, they are aware of the 100:1 sex ratio here at the event and bask in the extraordinary attention. Dressed for success in Giorgio Armani business suits and spectacular Bulgari evening dresses, they work their double magic of beauty and brains. There is Sarah from Detroit, Ana from Sao Paulo, and, of course, Viktoriya from St-Petersburg who wins over the crowd while presenting a customer case in plenary session in broken English with an irresistible Russian accent. I suspect she masters the English language far better than this but uses the accent for maximum effect on the sea of male onlookers. She is flawless, both in style and essence. Her particular Russian blend of girlish charm and business savvy is a winning combination with this hard-to-please wolf pack. I can only imagine what she can accomplish with a customer. Respect.

I am thinking: ‘She radiates personality’. I've been observing my male colleagues during the week. They all seem cast in the same mold. Look at them and you see ardent crusaders, equipped with adequate body armor - business casual, no tie. They are cool and composed in their personas and robust in their convictions. Life seems straightforward, no room for doubts or regrets. Or any other feelings for that matter.

But I know from experience that fear is a powerful emotion in sales people. Internal competition makes us far more nervous than the customer does. We are anxious not to get behind our peers on the leader board, we are afraid to miss quota, and ultimately to get fired. And these worries overlay a dread buried even deeper, the trepidation to get rejected from a top-selling sales culture that provides not only our livelihood but also our self-esteem. To be in sales is in effect  an elaborate immortality project, feeding off our basic survival instinct. We can achieve greatness amongst our peers and feel part of a symbolic system that provides us with a sense of accomplishment, not to mention cash in our pockets. No need for command-and-control. We so much want to be part of this that we act under our own steam.

I wonder what the others see when they look at me. I am sure my polished exterior cannot hide the fact that my inner weather is more unstable than theirs. Or could it be that they are in the same constant state of flux as I am? How else could I have stood my ground for so long in this competitive crowd and even managed to climb up the food chain.

For the first time ever it strikes me that there is absolutely no way that I'd be somehow special. That I'd be unique, with my shifting emotions and constant mind chatter. I concede that all of us have this same inner dialogue going on. I almost laugh out loud at the thought of speech bubbles floating above all the heads of the conference audience, many hundreds of personal narratives going on at the same time. I feel instant relief just by visualizing this. The seemingly superhuman equanimity of my peers could very well be only skin-deep and does no longer intimidate me. The singularity may be hidden, like a tattoo beneath our Hugo Boss shirts, but it is there.

I come back to the here and now at O'Hare in Chicago when from the corner of my eye I notice the flight board jump from reds to greens. My fellow travelers are picking up their bags and start moving to the gates with restored spirits. I must have been standing here for quite a while lost in thought because the sky has cleared outside. The ice crystals on the window glass reflect the rays of a pale winter sun. Crews outside are de-icing the wings of the planes. We are on the move.

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Sales is a game and I am a seasoned player. But it is no more than a game. It is not who I am.

My mood gets a further lift when I hear Bruce Springsteen’s  Dancing in the Dark playing in the background. The video wall projects the classic 1984 clip in which The Boss invites a young and stunning Courteney Cox to join him to dance on stage, her first shot at fame. 

I look at the 'Now boarding' sign next to my flight. I walk up to the gate and feel lighthearted while I show my boarding pass to the cute blond attendant. Her name tag spells Vicky which instantly reminds me of my charming St-Petersburg colleague. This Vicky right here smiles back at me in a professional yet personal way. I am sure she is genuinely happy to see me and this is not pretending.

Author's Note

Version v5 has been uploaded, thank you all for the very relevant feedback.

Reviews

[Woody]

breathtaking! I usually shy away from long writes but, damned if I could tear myself away from this brilliant piece. everything in it is just perfect. I'd be very much surprised if this turned out to be fiction. everything in rings true, coming from a methodical, organized mind. reeally super.

[Philip Muls]

Thank you for kind feedback. Augmented non-fiction, does that exist. Enhanced reality ? I am wondering what I should call it. It is based upon real business travel and events but with some creativity in the story telling.

[Woody]

enhanced reality. that's good. you know how to narrate real events with an elegant pen, if I'm making senses.

[Robert Parlange]

A beautiful piece of introspection. Well written and pithy.
A long time ago when I was in my Zen/Taoism phase, I came across an interesting observation:
“We all possess three personae; who people think we are, who we think we are, and who we really are.”
I suppose reaching that third level is enlightenment, or self-actualization. Whichever school of thought that applies.

[Philip Muls]

Thanks Robert. And only who we are truly matters.

[Ardra]

its a very detailed observation you have done here, its nice to read how you capture the conversations the attire the reactions :) .. it was a pleasure to read as we where in that room with all those people..
i have never experienced snow, it was nice to read the detailed narrative of it..

[Philip Muls]

Thank you Ria

You have never seen snow, that is fascinating, where are you from ?
read moreThank you Ria

You have never seen snow, that is fascinating, where are you from ?

Kimd regards
Philip

[Terry O'Leary]

An interesting write... intriguing... disturbing... and, above all, excellent...
I feel you've described a mini-version of what society-at-large has become... 'the bottom line society'...
I wonder whether the "platoon matters" at all... like a platoon of pawns in the "game" you so perceptively depict... at the "conferences" some of the the pawns are 'passed', perhaps becoming Queens... but still in the service of the King, the System which has no concern for the "individual", the "family", or anything (in my pawn's opinion) to do with humanity...

[Philip Muls]

Thanks for the feedback Terry, interesting parallel with chess indeed

[blue cave]

Thought provoking piece....
My favorite line : life seems straightforward; no room for doubts or regrets. Or any other feelings for that matter. Reminds me of a machine, the corporate machine....I don't think the tatoo has a chance

[Donald Meikle]

There is no way I will attempt to review this flow of thought I can only praise it.
The depth and clarity of it is overwhelming to the shy hidden self I carry with me.
The international thoughts and feelings of unamity yes I made up a word for it
We should all have to be salesmen!

[Philip Muls]

That is a great conclusion, thank you for your thoughts and feedback Donald.

Kind regards
Philip

[Taylor]

Hi Phil: Thought I'd stop by and offer some comments. As always, take them if you can use them and discard the rest. First I'll make some specific editing comments and then conclude with some general impressions.
1) " The flight board shows only cancelations due to a blinding blizzard raging over the East Coast" -- the deifinition of "blizzard" is blinding so for me that seems redundant. Also, the blizzard appears to be "raging" over Chicago, which is considered the Midwest. Of course, the blizzard might extend east as far as the East Coast, but that generally is not the case. Usually Chicago gets the weather first and about a day or two later, the same weather system impacts the East Coast (where I live).
2) "No doubt, somewhere in a similar convention center in Paris or Boston, our main competitors are doing the exact same thing" -- "exact same" is redundant.
3) "And I must admit that the C-Level keynote speakers on plenary stage the first evening triggered a definite exaltation in me to belong to this company." -- For me the structure of this sentence is awkward; I think it would improve if written in active rather than passive voice.
4) "I feel as if I've not been one minute alone the whole week" -- a more typical way of saying this would be "I feel as if I've not been alone for one minute the whole week."
5)"Think of the ritual behavior of two lions establishing territories and competing for dominance. Not unlike two sales execs going after the same deal. Winner takes it all. Brilliant set-up and a proven concept borrowed from the animal world of predators." -- While I like this image, I think your earlier analogy of a militaristic system was effective. My suggestion would be to select which analogy you want to follow: military or animal and then stick with that, rather than switch from one to the other.
Phil, I write only honest reviews because I also like to receive only honest reviews. My intent in requesting them is to improve my writing. That is also why I give only honest reviews, so I hope this will be helpful and certainly not hurtful. Again, it's only my opinion and as I've said before, you are the authority on your own writing and ought to decide on what's a valid critique and what is not.
Having said that, I think you have a story here. You say it yourself: " Indeed, the plot in Vegas is to make us feel like corporate warriors. This is cleverly crafted because once we are in that frame of mind, you can ask us anything. Sales heroism is to the alpha male what cocaine injected into the vein is to an addict. The global software market is depicted as a war zone and acts of bravery on this commercial battlefield are rewarded in a very public way. Doses of praise and recognition are doled out in the form of sales awards and entry tickets to a select line-up. The group is split in two. Those who ‘made Club' and those who did not. The quota-achieving elite gets an admission ticket to the prestigious President's Club. This All-Star team will go with their spouses on a lavish company-paid vacation to Aruba. The others will do what it takes to make it next year or will die trying. In any case, ‘The 100% Club' puts a strain on quite a few marriages."
This piece as written is more an essay than a story -- it meanders from the scene set in the airport through an internal dialogue and then back to the airport where things have changed from gloomy to blissful. What would happen if you provide vignettes, scenes from the meeting illustrating the automaton nature of a the sales force with a character who although dressed and acting like an automaton exemplifies individuality with his fears, uncertainties fluctuations of mood. For me, this piece feels like the skeleton of a piece and it leaves me wanting much more. You give the barebones of a very interesting and exclusive world, but I want to know what it looks like, how it smells, how it sounds, etc. You've set the scene at the airport. Perhaps you could show the MC engaging with fellow attendees at the bar, perhaps slowly changing with the level of their intoxication from their automaton selves into their real selves. One might be the tender soul of the MC pitted against a cutthroat to the core adversary. Mixed in might be the eternal jokester. This is a story I would love to see you revise with more action, more details outside of the MC mind. Then I believe it would have flesh and bones.

[Philip Muls]

Hi Taylor, thamks for the constructive feedback. Gives me a lot to work with!

[Philip Muls]

I used your feedback to publish a new version. Many thanks !

[TL Boehm]

love the journaling feel to this piece - the thoughts that go through our minds when we are allowed to let them wander. Found it well written - visual for such an internal conversation. A study of people in a specific situation and I was right there experiencing the snow and the conference.

[Willard Wells]

Well, much about this I like. First I lived the corporate sales world and have been to the meetings and of course by the same name, "Presidents Club". Wow.

Most of this read for me was a "been there, done that". Great stuff and the imagery was excellent.

Glad you got safely home.

[Great Aunt Astri]

This narrative sounds like a memoir rather than a story. BUT, accepting that, it is well written, although, I think, with too much detail. You painted a vivid picture with your words and I could see you there at the airport.