Lovesick

Boy meets girl, a classic case of rejection

A week after my sixteenth birthday, I am sitting in a classroom with twenty-two other boys pretending to listen to a Latin teacher. Our minds are everywhere but here.

I for one cannot stop thinking about Connie. She is the reason for the lovesick state I have been in for weeks now.

She is the epitome of perfection to the sixteen-year-old me. She has hazel brown eyes and a classic face of beauty. She is wearing a navy school dress accentuating her figure. For a moment, it makes me wonder whether the school has intended this effect when making girls wear a uniform. With her hair in a boy cut, she is simply irresistible. I do not fight it, I am powerless. I recognize a higher force.

She walks with an air of carefree confidence, seemingly unaware of what she does to boys and men. With hindsight, that was a pretty naive thought on my part, I now know that she was aware of her powers. Pretending she wasn’t just made it perfect.

It starts with a smile.

Dexys Midnight Runners are playing their signature song Come on Eileen as a backdrop to the epic scene that follows. I am looking at Connie walking towards me along with two other girls all wearing winter jackets, woolen mittens and hats. She looks like an angel. She is laughing out loud because of something her friend said. Her gaze crosses mine and it seems to me that her smile is now directed straight at me. She simply says “Hi, don’t you just love this song ?”.

That’s it. That is all that happens. I am in awe.

Awe is called the eleventh emotion, beyond the basic ten known by science. Awe plays on the boundary between pleasure and fear, inspired by great beauty or the incomprehensible mystifying. It causes us to completely forget ourselves in a moment of great wonder, feeling the presence of something greater.

Yes, right on the mark. I am in awe.

And I am not equipped to deal with it. I manage to say a profound “Hi, yes I do” back at her and she gives me a coy glance that will stay with me forever. A few days later, I even ask her out in a burst of supreme confidence. She hesitates for a brief moment…

That moment lingers on in my eternity. It is a moment in which all is still possible and yet you feel that it is not you but fate that will prevail.

She said no.

Later in life, I learned how to see rejection as a useful step in the pursuit of victory. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and all that.

But back then, it took me apart. When it comes to drama, there’s nothing quite like unrequited love. For weeks I did not sleep or eat. It seemed to me that the meaning of life was found and instantly lost again.

If rejection hurts, rejection without a reason is a killer. It tortured me in the most intense way that she denied me the chance to  that one date. To my endless frustration, guys who were not paralyzed by her loveliness did manage to get on a date with her. And they did it in a casual way, nothing to it.

A lesson in love right there ! She needed a cool guy, a guy she had to fight for. Why did I not know that ? Why was this not genetically pre-arranged in my moves ? Why did all the males that preceded me let me go empty-handed to an unfair fight ?

Thinking back about it so many years later, it makes me wonder. Why was I in awe looking at her and not at other girls, who were in fact even more beautiful ? Why did her smile hold that much power over me, like I felt her sweet innocence was out of this world and I had to pursue her with everything I got?

Exquisitely painful as it was, I wouldn’t want to have missed it. This First Love which did not go beyond “Hi” and yet took on legendary proportions in my memory, inspired me to look for experiences that brought me the same feeling of bewilderment and wonder. But somehow, I never quite reached the same high octane level in my emotional fuel and probably never will.

By design it seems… you can only be truly lovesick once.

Author's Note

A new version is uploaded, thank you all for your comments!

Reviews

[Hal Matthews]

A couple really great things here Philip. That last line, killer. The moment she rejects him, devastating. You capture the feel and gut-wrenching anticipation and nervousness of this situation well. Where I think you're lacking, however, is exectution.

This story feels very "explanatory." A lot of extra stuff is included, but it doesn't feel like it's necessary. The extra long song quote, the explanation of the ten different kinds of emotions, the careful examination of the characters emotions in a "play-by-play" style throughout the story, it's all just a bit too much information. One of the things you do well is convey a lot with few words. When you write, "She said no," we feel the devastation the character feels because we've all been there, you don't need to explain every moment of it to us.

Again I'll say that your writing does an excellent job of resonating on a very human frequency, I just think it'd be so much more effective if you got the knife out and trimmed some of the fat away to give us a more healthy dose of the real-ness.

[Philip Muls]

Thanks Hal, I made some changes based upon your feedback. Kind regards, Philip

[Tina Kline]

A very engaging story. I felt for the young man all the way though this. It takes nerve to ask some pretty girl out as a teenage boy and maybe for adult men as well. The fear of being shot down is huge Crushing. I enjoyed reading this a lot, it is very well written.

[Philip Muls]

Thanks Tina. And the amazing thing is that 'it seems' to have so much importance while - with hindsight - it was just a crush.

[Tina Kline]

You're very welcome.

[Coyote Song]

You tell a story very well. This kept my interest all the way through. A very human story most people can relate too. I think you did an outstanding job on this. First love, the highs and the lows. First loves stick with us for a lifetime, it seems.

[Philip Muls]

Thank you for the kind feedback.

[Coyote Song]

You are most welcome.

[Cherrie]

When writing about a moment in time it is hard to keep from telling us what happened. try letting it unfold as if it is a mystery even to you.

[Philip Muls]

Hi Cherrie, you and several people give me feedback that I am too much 'telling' rather than letting the reader 'experience'. Good feedback although I have trouble changing my style.

[Cherrie]

I like to think of two forms of writing; one is a fireside tale which you tell and should totally engross the reader. the second is a movie that plays in my head. Where I (try) to capture taste sound and event in real time. Thinking of it like that helps me stick to my task at hand.

[wordman]

a great story my friend,and i`m sure it`s true for many a young man.
love is a two edged sword

[Philip Muls]

Hi Wordman, thanks for the kind feedback.

[wordman]

my pleasure

[wordman]

i think i may have a connie from my past,lol

[Philip Muls]

Don't we all...kind regards Philip

[Jennie Baron]

I am in awe of this story! It so eloquently captures that feeling of first love that we can never recapture in real life. I'm not sure what you edited, but I don't feel the unnecessary explanation that Hal spoke of. I'm really transported into the character's feelings and that's very special. Great writing!

[Philip Muls]

Thank you Jennie. Great that you use the word awe as it so prominently features in the story. Much appreciated.

[Alisa Js]

Aloha,

There is nothing like that first crush, that somehow sears into your mind an imprint of what love must be like...

Back in the days of innocence...ah! What sweet memories.

Thanks for sharing 😃

Looking forward to reading more of your thoughts of my work...

Until then,

Alisa💫

[Philip Muls]

Hi Alisa, thanks for the nice feedback.

[Alisa Js]

Hello again...

You are very welcome...

;-)

[daninstockholm]

i had a moment similiar to this, so i can definitely relate, very well written story with some very strong parts,, the moment of rejection, inevitable as it was, but captured so very well with just 3 words,, the description of her at the start, the one that everyone would fall in love with at 16,, very well done!!

[Philip Muls]

Thanks Dan for the kind words.

[Terry Collett]

I read the story and I thought: I have been here and felt this. It unfolds well and you give out the feels you felt(or the character if not you). "2" would be better as "two" but I enjoyed.

[Philip Muls]

Thanks Terry for the relevant and kind feedback.

[BrokenWingedPhoenix]

I really enjoyed your story, and the last line "By design it seems...you can only be truly lovesick once." I think that line resonates deeply with many readers because we each take the meaning to be something special. For some it is love for others it might be addiction. For instance, once the first high is found you are lovesick and after that you become dopesick. I think you did a wonderful job.

[Philip Muls]

Thanks for the kind feedback.

[Samuel Dickens]

It seems you've made some changes since Hal's review and probably good ones, since his assessment seems wise. What I see now, while technically still a little rough, is a right good, honest story about something I can easily relate to. Though one must be cautious about using "tell" instead of "show", I like your explanation of "awe".
I was 16 when I had a similar experience with a girl. She was awesome, too, and I often find myself thinking back on our brief encounter. For me, rejection was like getting hit by a train. On every point, this story rings true.

[Philip Muls]

It is amazing how everyone relates to this, it seems absolutely everybody had an occurrence similar to this. It seems like a rite of passage somehow.