Lovesick

Boy meets girl, a classic case of rejection

A week after my sixteenth birthday, I am sitting in a classroom with twenty-two other boys pretending to listen to a Latin teacher. Our minds are everywhere but here.

I for one cannot stop thinking about Connie. She is the reason for the lovesick state I have been in for weeks now.

She is the epitome of perfection to the sixteen-year-old me. She has hazel brown eyes and a classic face of beauty. She is wearing a navy school dress accentuating her figure. For a moment, it makes me wonder whether the school has intended this effect when making girls wear a uniform. With her hair in a boy cut, she is simply irresistible. I do not fight it, I am powerless. I recognize a higher force.

She walks with an air of carefree confidence, seemingly unaware of what she does to boys and men. With hindsight, that was a pretty naive thought on my part, I now know that she was aware of her powers. Pretending she wasn’t just made it perfect.

It starts with a smile.

Dexys Midnight Runners are playing their signature song Come on Eileen as a backdrop to the epic scene that follows. I am looking at Connie walking towards me along with two other girls all wearing winter jackets, woolen mittens and hats. She looks like an angel. She is laughing out loud because of something her friend said. Her gaze crosses mine and it seems to me that her smile is now directed straight at me. She simply says “Hi, don’t you just love this song ?”.

That’s it. That is all that happens. I am in awe.

Awe is called the eleventh emotion, beyond the basic ten known by science. Awe plays on the boundary between pleasure and fear, inspired by great beauty or the incomprehensible mystifying. It causes us to completely forget ourselves in a moment of great wonder, feeling the presence of something greater.

Yes, right on the mark. I am in awe.

And I am not equipped to deal with it. I manage to say a profound “Hi, yes I do” back at her and she gives me a coy glance that will stay with me forever. A few days later, I even ask her out in a burst of supreme confidence. She hesitates for a brief moment…

That moment lingers on in my eternity. It is a moment in which all is still possible and yet you feel that it is not you but fate that will prevail.

She said no.

Later in life, I learned how to see rejection as a useful step in the pursuit of victory. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and all that.

But back then, it took me apart. When it comes to drama, there’s nothing quite like unrequited love. For weeks I did not sleep or eat. It seemed to me that the meaning of life was found and instantly lost again.

If rejection hurts, rejection without a reason is a killer. It tortured me in the most intense way that she denied me the chance to  that one date. To my endless frustration, guys who were not paralyzed by her loveliness did manage to get on a date with her. And they did it in a casual way, nothing to it.

A lesson in love right there ! She needed a cool guy, a guy she had to fight for. Why did I not know that ? Why was this not genetically pre-arranged in my moves ? Why did all the males that preceded me let me go empty-handed to an unfair fight ?

Thinking back about it so many years later, it makes me wonder. Why was I in awe looking at her and not at other girls, who were in fact even more beautiful ? Why did her smile hold that much power over me, like I felt her sweet innocence was out of this world and I had to pursue her with everything I got?

Exquisitely painful as it was, I wouldn’t want to have missed it. This First Love which did not go beyond “Hi” and yet took on legendary proportions in my memory, inspired me to look for experiences that brought me the same feeling of bewilderment and wonder. But somehow, I never quite reached the same high octane level in my emotional fuel and probably never will.

By design it seems… you can only be truly lovesick once.

Author's Note

A new version is uploaded, thank you all for your comments!

Reviews

[Hal Matthews]

A couple really great things here Philip. That last line, killer. The moment she rejects him, devastating. You capture the feel and gut-wrenching anticipation and nervousness of this situation well. Where I think you're lacking, however, is exectution.

This story feels very "explanatory." A lot of extra stuff is included, but it doesn't feel like it's necessary. The extra long song quote, the explanation of the ten different kinds of emotions, the careful examination of the characters emotions in a "play-by-play" style throughout the story, it's all just a bit too much information. One of the things you do well is convey a lot with few words. When you write, "She said no," we feel the devastation the character feels because we've all been there, you don't need to explain every moment of it to us.

Again I'll say that your writing does an excellent job of resonating on a very human frequency, I just think it'd be so much more effective if you got the knife out and trimmed some of the fat away to give us a more healthy dose of the real-ness.

[Philip Muls]

Thanks Hal, I made some changes based upon your feedback. Kind regards, Philip

[Tom]

Been there, had the T-shirt and like many, can relate to this articulately penned tale of 'classic rejection' !

[Philip Muls]

Hi Tom, thanks for the feedback. Yes, this is a universal experience for all males...

[Inject Positivity]

Well i can feel the emotion of this story......It has touched my heart cause im in a position of lovesick right now for a girl.....Im missing her presence and i think that makes me feel more of a lovesick person.....Your message is absolutely brilliant that we can truly be lovesick once in our life...Absolutely brilliant thoughts and i loved the way you have described it......Full rating.....

[Philip Muls]

Thank you for the kind feedback. Good luck with your lovesick situation!

[Girl With A Pen]

This is a very good story. It's something I think everyone goes through one way or another. Rejection is never a good feeling. "f rejection hurts, rejection without a reason is a killer" My favorite line in this whole story. Because it's true. Being told no, hurts, but always wondering what if hurts a lot worse.
Great work with this story! I'm adding it to my favorites

[Philip Muls]

Thank you Girl With A Pen. Kind regards Philip

[Viv Wade]

This takes me right back to my teenage years, where the soundtrack was often Dexy's Midnight Runners. Memories of first love, whether unrequited or otherwise, always hold a special place in our hearts. You have summed up the feeling, and the experience perfectly. Nice write!

[Philip Muls]

Thank you Viv, it resonates with a lot of people. First love is one of the memorable moments for everyone I believe. I'd appreciate your opinion on some of my other stories like Tipping point and Singularity. I will read yours. Kind regards Philip

[CL Steffen]

I really enjoyed this piece. Very descriptive. Picture painted sir. I can imagine being that young man.

[Archos]

Really nice, natural story. Thanks for sharing!

[andrew mitchell]

To be honest I'm not into stories except what I like but this one really grabbed me from the start. Magnificent, in the way this touched me, so relate-able for me and I take my hat off to you for a great story. Thank you.

[Philip Muls]

Thank you Andrew!

[Carbon Muse]

Congrats on placing 5th!

Great story and yes, we do only become lovesick once in our lives but it serves as a reference point and it feeds our love struck emotions later on.

Each success has to start out in failure ... each failure, leading us ever closer to unattainable perfection.

[Philip Muls]

Thank you for kind feedback.

[Erik T. Jackson]

Really good read Philip... Being in love, or more accurately, lovesick, is an emotion that we all have felt. It kept me interested from the beginning to the end. Well done!

[Philip Muls]

Thank you Erik.

[Sophia]

"I never quite reached the same high octane level in my emotional fuel and probably never will.

By design it seems… you can only be truly lovesick once."

What a great way to finish the story. I like that you don't say that you can only be in love once, but rather only lovesick once. I think the same. Great read

[Philip Muls]

Thank you Sophia. Glad you liked it.