an era of loneliness

It’s this damned era of loneliness

Lying on bed at an odd angle

Poor rusty puppet

Nothing comes to maneuver

Just motors’ staccato shriek

And teddy spiders kissing a once-face

Muse stinks---

Wretched beggar queen

Yet not buried

Inhale the stench…roses, jasmines that

Wonderful like gutter stars

Burning in irises

It’s a weary record, still plays till

Bottles become diamonds on the floor

Screaming my lullaby.

 

 

Reviews

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

This has a feel of fusion. Of beat and goth baked into cookies that are only edible by mature party-goers. The mind-camera uses a filter of green, red, and yellow. There is no blue to speak of as it is drown in the affection of seasonal toys subdued by tears of incense.

How very creative! This!! Don't beggar the muse just yet, my dear.

[Transience]

er ufo............your words were pure greek to me this time.

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T. Serrat]

Fusion = a mix of 1960's "beat" poetry (think Kerouac) and gothic poetry (dark). "mature party-goers" = you need to be aware of these two genre to get the reference. filter colors = the tone is warm and fertile (subjective, of course). seasonal toys = "teddy spiders", a mental image of a stuffed animal, perhaps a spider, a halloween ref?. "tears of incense" = references to burning smoke/incense that augment the visuals and sense of the piece's context for the reader. "beggar the muse" = the 'beggar queen' as a reference to self, where the REAL creativity comes from.

"How very creative!" = A superlative, well-intentioned comment to the author.

"Don't beggar the muse" = reference to self, you, the author, to persevere as you are writing some really great stuff even if you may hint that you've lost your inspiration (muse).

Sorry for the bizarre review. Sometimes I just get carried away after reading something. I guess you see what your writing can do to me.

[Transience]

ah i am flattered....really appreciate your crits.my bleak pieces seem to gain this sudden iridescence from your words.wonder how you manage a perceive a wholly new world,different from the writer's perspective..i guess that's the real charm of poetry,myriad of visages towards infinity.i will be definitely checking out that fusion.feels pretty intriguing.

[Balkaran Sidhu]

I just loved this piece...Upto some level it correlates with my present phase of life..

[Transience]

thank you...hope you overcome it soon

[Cole Hayley]

I love the title, and I love the piece. " Muse stinks, wretche beggar queen". So vivid imgary.

[Transience]

thanks.it means a lot. your poems have been an infinite source of inspiration for me.

[Lina Grey]

So very unusual, so creative, so...cool :D ...I would say more but it's already been said. Mainly by Ufo. Even though I didn't get his reference, my thoughts were mainly the same. It's incredible. Great job.

[Transience]

thank you lina.this format of writing appeals to me a lot.i read some most beautiful pieces crafted in this manner in this site and they were simply magnificent.i have been trying to write such pieces for quite a while but never succeeded.this one left me astounded myself.talk about capricious muse...

[G!o]

I was reading this and when i got to "...teddy spiders kissing a once face..." i just said WOW...o_O. This is really lovely and interesting something i can read over over and over. Really cool pictures you have created with your words. This is definitely going to my shelf. Totally beautiful...

[Transience]

glad you enjoyed it gio.that teddy thing was a stroke of inspiration.it's cool you didn't brand it downright creepy.lol

[G!o]

lol, creepy? this is creativity, this is my type of writing now...how you have beautifully managed to paint a picture using different things here is just wow...bottles/diamonds...screaming/lullaby..i was like, "how comes i didn't use those?" this is amazing, i applaud you on this.

[Transience]

thanks man...

[G!o]

pleasure is always mine....

[MachinaWriter]

This was something really cool to read. Very unorthodox and yet it spoke clearly, which was interesting. I think the line that spoke out the most to me was "It's a weary record, still plays til / Bottles become diamonds on the floor" This was very powerful. Great imagery in this poem, and it had this haunting undercurrent of subtle sorrow and pain. A great read, thank you for sharing this ^^

[Transience]

thanks for the lovely review.