She Said

She said, "You are a ticking time bomb."

"Your addiction, just waiting in the wings doing push ups in the balcony as we ONLY go to the movies for fun."

She said, "You claim to have risen from ashes, surrendered your soul to the Heights. But why can't we progress down here?"

She said, "Gratitude isn't everything. It doesn't turn on the heat or pay for food. It doesn't turn the minus into a plus, a debit into a credit."

She said, "Appreciation for what you've got doesn't find you a new gig or make you more money. This "Living One Moment at a Time" is a "Waste of my time".

She said, "I need to feel like I can buy a pair of shoes or a candy bar without having to worry about bouncing a check."

She said, "Stories like yours only end happily in the movies or on stage or in a book or in a comic strip or in the clouds."

She said, "I'm sick of being static and tied. Simple and calm. Content and chained."

She said, "Complacency is your problem. Not the cocaine. Not the crack. You want more than I can give yet you're asking me for nothing."

STOP. I said. STOP. The room between my ears is a dangerous place and you've no idea how I've managed to

create

conquer

flourish

twist and avoid

de-demonize my soul

deflect lecherous thoughts

HOW I'VE PROTECTED YOU THESE PAST 10 YEARS.

I ask for rigorous honesty and all I get is green cat eyes

Piled high lies

While you were off scraping your stilettos on cobblestones 

and sinking them into sandy foreign beaches and Euro hips

I wrestled demons in an unfair humid summer death match

Alone.

YOU are a cunning, baffling, powerful disease.

No 12 steps for getting over you. 

It's Cold Turkey, no mas, finito, darkness, turn off the switch and close the door on your way out.

The story of deceit on your face is like reading braile with my tongue. 

Dirty, sour, metallic. Wrong.

You're going to slip my mind before I slip for the last time.

Reviews

[r. f. jordan]

powerful words. this is a scathing siren of raw despair, entwined with that ever present temptation of judgment that ruminates through all relations. As this poem's speaker lists memories of degradations spoken with that sting of risked intimacy, that risk everyone embarks on in hopes of finding social and spiritual connection, what an ordeal it can be when such a risk backfires. What I love most about this poem is how the speaker utilizes this divisive event to strengthen an inner resolve the accusing party cannot tarnish. Beautiful work.