Matthew Upton - Really? - 2/10/27

[A rugged-voiced southern man, noticably drunk. Very drunk. His speech is slurred and stretched, barely comprehensible even to me.]

Aaaahh damn... I been waitin' fer years to get some excitement up in here, and we get this daaamn fire? It didn't even spread! Nobody even god... got hurt! Nobody got burned, and especially, nobody got dropped. 

But don't you worry. Not at all. I got me a plan. And it's the best damned plan I ever had, and it's so great that I'm never ever gonna tell you nothin' about it! And I'm gonna have so much fu-

[A loud shattering sound is heard, followed by about two seconds of screaming and high winds, eventually ending with a loud thud, the sound of plastic rattling around on a hard surface, and dozens of screams of terror in the background.]