ADAM IN THE GARDEN WITH EVE

Based on an old legend...

Eve glowered at Adam and covered as much of herself as she could with two angry hands. Somehow some sounds which may or may not have been words came into her head as she struggled to express herself

“What in the name of everything precious are we doing here?” she asked, “look: the place is steaming and smoking and my feet are scorching because the ground’s so hot and you have an appendage dangling from you that I don’t have.”

Oddly, the man understood the sounds that she was making and his mind interpreted them into words. “The boss just made it,” replied Adam, “this land, that is. And as for my body, you shouldn’t be looking at it. If you didn’t know, I’m a man and you’re not.”

“You’re a most unpleasant man!” spat back Eve.

“And you’re God’s gift, I suppose?” sneered Adam, and at that moment a rain cloud hovered over them and streaks of lightning flashed down.

“You’re most disobedient, my children,” said a dark but affectionate voice, “now stop quarrelling and start digging your garden. It could be truly beautiful, with flowers and maybe a little crystal stream leading to a lily pond.. And if there’s something about the other’s body that upsets you then get him to cover it up! I made your flesh only half an hour ago and to my mind there’s not much wrong with it, but…”

“All right, boss,” muttered Adam, “enough said.”

“And get rid of that snake!” added the voice, and a finger of lightning pointed at a nearby tree. Then the rain cloud spat its last few drops and blew away, leaving a clear blue sky.

“The snake?” pointed out Adam, who thought that he must be in charge seeing as the other person was not only a woman but had been crafted during the night from one of his own ribs, and it had left a scar which itched whenever he thought of it.

“All right, all right,” grumbled Eve, “it’ll possibly be better company than grumpy you. And why on Earth did the boss create a snake if he didn’t want it spoiling the garden?”

She went up to the tree and the snake hissed at her. Then it slithered away when it noticed the glint in her eyes, and hid behind a giant apple.

“Don’t touch that apple!” warned Adam, “I’ve got a feeling in me that we should leave it alone! In fact, don’t touch anything growing on that tree. Not even a small and rather delicious looking apple. The Boss’s orders.”

“Like this one, you mean?” grinned Eve, and she plucked a delectable looking and rather cute apple from next to her elbow. She took a huge bite of it and the entire garden shivered as an Earthquake rocked it.

“You shouldn’t have done that!” growled Adam, “and somehow now I know what’s right and what’s wrong, and for a start, woman, cover yourself up! You being naked is plain wrong!”

“You’re a fine one to give orders,” responded Eve, sliding to the ground and reaching for a dock leaf.

“Don’t worry,” grunted Adam, “I’ll do the same, cover myself up lie that, and when I come to tell the story to future generations I’ll suggest it might be a fig leaf.”

“What’s a fig?” asked Eve.

“Don’t you know anything, woman?” sneered Adam, “now come here right now!”

“Who are you to give orders?” demanded Eve.

“I’m me and I’m a man, and consequently your superior because you ate that darned apple and never offered me as much as a bit of its core!”

“You superior?” sneered Eve, “We’ll see about that! So have you got gardening gloves?”

“I’ll make some,” promised Adam, “just you watch me!”

In almost no time at all he pulled a long and spiky twig from the lowest branch of the nearest tree and looked around him.”I need an animal with leather skin,” he told Eve, and he wandered off through the verdant garden while Eve swiftly wove some nearby flax from a lovely little bush into a coarse kind of cloth and fashioned for herself an attractive pair of mittens. It was her first attempt at a creative craft, and she loved them.

She watched Adam as he sneaked through the undergrowth carrying his twig, and she shook her head. Then she cleared a corner of the garden of rubbish and rubble and made a pile of it, large enough for her to sit on when she tired of too much labour.

After what must have been an hour Adam returned carrying a dead squirrel.

“A lovely bushy tail,” he smiled, “Just the job if I’m going to…” Then he noticed the fruits of Eve’s labour and snarled, “what have you been doing, woman? Man’s work, I see! And aren’t you supposed to be looking after me and feeding my hungry belly?”

“Who said?” she asked, her eyes gleaming threateningly.

“The boss,” he lied, “it’s what he meant anyway. I know it in my heart.”

“Then you’d best give me that squirrel and I’ll make you a something or other, maybe Squirrel stew. Now let me see: what might we use as a something or other to cook it in?”

“I know,” decided Adam, “we’ll light a fire and roast it.”

“What’s a fire?” asked Eve.

“Hot. Heat. You know, burning,” he replied knowingly, using the same ignorant know-it-all kind of sneering that men have used to their womenfolk ever since.

“Interesting,” mused Eve, and when it seemed that Adam was stumped, she added “go on then. And am I not glad I ate the apple!”

“Show off!” growled Adam, “but just you wait! The punishment will come because you broke the vows of innocence when you ate that apple…Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“I didn’t take any vows!” she spat.

“Don’t let’s argue,” he muttered, looking at her with three gigantic dock leaves covering her lovely ebony skin, “you do look lovely,” he added.

The rain cloud reappeared suddenly as if it had been waiting for a signal from the heavens. “Don’t you even think of it!” it rumbled with a flash of lightning teasing them, but for once Adam’s boss was too late because he held one of her dock leaves in one hand, clear of her body, and said, “come into that private little nook over there,” pointing at a clearing in the undergrowth.

Somehow she read his mind.

“Okay,” she replied, “but you will be gentle, won’t you?”

“Of course,” he smiled, “always with you, my love?”

And the cloud watched as the two of them sought refuge out of sight behind a clump of flowers, all fragrant and smelling of the perfume of Heaven.

By next morning, as they slept a wall had appeared overnight, encircling their garden, and they were outside it.

“Now who build that?” growled Adam.

“Who cares,” quipped Eve, “after last night the boss can build as man walls as he likes as long as we’re not separated by them.”

“Time for breakfast, then,” grinned Adam, “what are we having?”

“Say that again!” demanded Eve.

“Okay, okay… leave it to me,” sighed Adam, and they had rotting raw squirrel to hopefully satisfy their empty stomachs. They quite clearly had quite a lot to learn about being the first people on a brand new world.

Meanwhile the cloud that had trailed them got bored and blew away somewhere sunny where it could rain wherever it liked.

© Peter Rogerson 15.11.24