THE SPANISH WAITER TWENTY-FOUR

TAn accusation of a second murder

Unseen by the little party in the restaurant, as Ivsn was, rather smuggly it must be said, mentioning six figures, the stem figure of the Spanish senior police woman, Geradline’s friend Valentina, in plain clothes, and accompanied by three uniformed officers, appeared in the entrance to the hotel.

It was Geraldine who noticed them first, and she frowned when she took in the uniformed officers.

“Hello Valentina,” she said to the Spanish policewoman, a little apprehensively, “you look sort of serious,” she added.

Valentina acknowledged her with a smile, but walked to the table and fixed the waiter, Ivan Maybe, with two rather fierce eyes.

“I am serious,” she said, “and I want to have words with Mr Maybe here. Will you come along with me, please, to our police station which I hope you find more obliging than those in your country!”

Ivan looked totally confused by thr request which sounded more like an order and Geraldine sitting at her adjacent table stood up.

“What is it, Valenitins?” she asked, waving one hand to indicate that the waiter should stay where he was..

“We have a dead body,” replied Valentina, “I’m sorry, Geraldine, but the description of a man seen making his sneaky way into the experiment station just down the road from here matches that of Mr Maybe here, and three UK residents were being held there pending their deportation to the UK, and one of them was brutally murdered during the night while the other two say they slept.”

“That can’t be right,” muttered Geraldine, then “it can’t have been Ivan,” she said, “do you have any time for when the crime was committef?”

“I suppose I can talk to you, Geraldine,” replied the policewoman, “but you mustn’t expect too much information from me until the man is charged and taken to court. But it would have been, according to the pathologist, after midnight and before four a.m. And he’s good, is our doctor. He knows his stuff, as you would say”

“Then can I put myself forward as a witness?” asked Geraldine, and Ivan looked at her, shocked. Was his friend, his best friend as far as he was concerned, going to turn against him? How could she be a witness for the prosecution after what they were doing together, especially as he was as innocent as driven snow?

“I suppose so, Geraldine but this is a serious matter and what you say will be noted down by one of the officers standing with me,” replied Valentina, “so any evidence you have should be recounted in full, together with relevant times. If what you say convinces me then I will look elsewhere for my killer.”

“Murder is always serious,” replied Geraldine, “and there are other things even more important, and amongst them is sex!”

“What are you saying Geraldine?” asked the policewoman.

“I hope what you’re going to say can be proved?” put in Mr Smith, sniffing.

“You think I ought to make a movie of every time I let a man make love to me?” snapped Geraldine, “because I would never dream of doing that! Nor would I agree to a witness to my more personal emotional experiences, but I can swear that Ivan here was in my room from just after eleven last night until I finally dropped off to sleep at fourish this morning, when it was still dark, give or take half an hour, and throughout that time we were actually in physical contact with each other.”

“My goodness,” tittered Alice, “he must have more staying power tha any man I’ve ever dallied with! Five hours? That must be some sort of record! Hold it while I phone the Guiness people who keep records like that!”

“Don’t be so facetious, Alice!” snapped Mr Smith.

“Just because you can’t bring yourself to even start in that sort of time?” snapped Alice. “But, your name is Geraldine, isn’t it? You are certain, are you? I mean, five hours…”

“There’s a great deal more to sex than the obvious!” snapped Geraldine, “as you would know if you knew a real man and not this wimpy creature,.” she indicated Randy Smith, “talk about being misnamed! Him, Randy? I should cocoa!”

“In full, you say? Well, here goes,” almost smiled Geraldine, “it began with a rather timorous knock at my room’s door just as I was getting ready for bed. At first I thought the hotel might have rodent visitors it was so timid, a mouse maybe, or a rat, but the knock came again and anyway I know that Tomas is very particular regarding hygiene in his hotel! So I went to the door and opened it, and who should be standing there in his underpants but Ivan here. I know it was Ivan because he had a big nervous grin on his face and anyway his underwear was familiar to me It was from a set I bought him back in Brumpton, from Primark of all places. They were like a Scottish tartan, and one of my ancestors was Scottish, I discovered that when I was researching my ancestry a year or two back, and that’s why I bought them for him after he came out of prison..”

“There’s such a thing as too much detail!” interrupted Valentina.

“You asked for it in full,” reminded Geraldine, “and this is the fairest way I can tell what befell me last night. To start with, we were talking after we both had a shower… I do like to be showered before and after sex, don’t you?”

“That’s too much information,” sighed Randy Smith, who had a very different attitude to personal hygiene.

“ I must try it next time,” sighed Alice, “before and after, you say, Geraldine?”

Geraldine smiled at her, and merely nodded. What she had to say was too important to be soaked up in a pool of innuendo and personal regrets.

“When we’d showered,” she continued, and were quite dry, we climbed into the bed in my room, together, and started talking. He was telling me what he thought of the gentleman whose supposed death had led to his own incarceration for twelve long years and how everyone, the police, the courts the prison service, all gave him no chance to actually prove that he was innocent, which against the twisted machinations of the secret services would have been no easy thing…”

“Now hold on!” snapped Mr Smith, “if it wasn’t for us nobody would be able to sleep comfortably in their beds without fear of who might come through their bedroom window and slaughter them!”

“Oh. I thought you might be one of them, and now you’ve proved it,” muttered Ivan, “you’re not much good at James Bonding it, are you?”

“Let me continue to the interesting bits,” said Geraldine, “at least, they were interesting to me! Ivan here is a gentleman and even after the shower he dressed in his underwear again, and I looked at the clock in my room wondering when he was going to make a move on me. The conversation was interesting, but talking to dear Ivan sort of turns me on! And, you know, it was already almost half past twelve! I suggested that he got a move on, and he asked me what he should get a move on with and I asked him if he was going to talk all night or do something more interesting, and he gave me that lascivious look of his and said something more interesting, and I can promise you it was just that, and it did go on and on! Without going into any details, of course, that would make the ladies here jealous and the men wonder what was wrong with them!”

“I get the theme,” smiled Valentina, “so you’re quite sure, and would swear it in a court of law, that Ivan Maybe was with you in your room at the time that Gaddy Carter was being knifed to death?”

“I hadn’t finished,” smiled Geraldine, “and I was high as a kite on sex with him when my clock said quarter past two and he was fast asleep next to me, and I still needed that second shower which I never got!”

“And this is true?” Valentina asked for confirmation.

“As I sit here,” replied Geraldine, “and as you’re a lady you can check me for signs of a good time if you like!”

Valentina shuddered. “I don’t need that,” she said, “I believe you. So I suppose I must look elsewhere for my killer.”

And Mr Smith stood up.

© Peter Rogerson 27.11.22

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