A CHANGE OF HEART

A little change of heart

Christ! It’s Dom! thought Annie I just don’t want to see him ever again and he knows it, or should do! It’s over between us because he’s a scumbag and all he thinks about is doing what I never ever want to do with him, not then and not in a million years! It’s not as if we were serious because serious is the one thing he doesn’t know how to be. And I know what he’ll say the moment he spots that it’s me on my way to the shops! He’ll tell me to get ‘em off in that sleazy way of his and when I ask him get what off he’ll say “knickers” as if he could mean anything else!

“Is that you over there, Annie?” came the slightly timorous voice of Dom.

“I’m in a hurry, Dom,” she said, “you know, someone to see, something to do.”

“Get ‘em off,” he called

“Get what off?” she asked

“Those glasses of yours. They don’t suit you, They spoil your face, and it’s your face that I like.”

So he’s changed the script, has he? And he caught me out good and proper! He must be laughing at me deep inside. I can tell by the expression on his face, it’s sort of pretend serious, as if something tragic has happened and all he can think of saying is how ugly my spectacles are.

“But I can’t see you properly without them,” she said.

He smiled, a weak sort of smile., the sort he usually didn’t do, and said “OK, chick.”

Cluck cluck! What does he think I am? Chick? He doesn’t usually call me that. It’s only slightly offensive instead of his usually abusive comments about my legs or bum or bosom. So he has changed his script at last! And about time too!

“Can I talk to you for a moment, Annie? Do you mind?”

What’s he doing asking me that? Anyone would think he’s grown up at last, but I know him too well to know he hasn’t done that! He’ll come out with one of his vulgar innuendos, make references to my body that he knows I hate hearing, and then dance off as if he’s the greatest wit on the planet and I’m a skinny schoolgirl begging for it…

“I’m all ears, Dom. Is summat up?”

Christ! I’ve never seen his face looking like that! Knowing him he’s probably going to wind me up, or try to! But I’m not falling for that sort of trick. I might have when I was a kid but I’m nineteen now.

“It’s my mum, Annie. Will you come and look at her with me? I think she’s dead…”

God, he’s never gone this far before! He tried it once, saying his cat was dead and I fell for that. I wonder what became of that animal, quite sweet it was, the way it tried to wind itself round my legs when I was round his place… Tiddles they called it, quite old it was too and might have been old enough to die, but it was a so-called joke.

“Now come on Dom, I’m not falling for that one! It was bad enough with Tiddles…”

Crikey, isn’t he crying? Are those real tears running down his face? How on Earth does he do that, make himself cry as part of a nasty cruel joke, just trying to get me to be alone with him so he can try things on with me, things that I won’t do yet…

“Please, Annie…”

I’ll not do it! I won’t fall for it again! Anyway, I’ve got people to see, things to do and dreams to have about my life, things that would have included him if he hadn’t always been such an idiot… But maybe, if he’s really sad, just look at him, and his face is all wrong too. I just don’t know what’s real when it comes to Dom.

“Are you being real, Dom?” asked Annie.

“I got out of bed a bit late because, well, it’s Sunday and I was feeling a bit… you know, we split up, you and me, and I felt regretful, and one thing after another raced through my brain, like what a clown I’ve been, not knowing whether I was cheering you up or doing the opposite… and there she was, on the rug in front of the fire, still and, Annie, so cold even though there was a light in the fire…”

I’d better go with him. He might just be telling the truth, though if he is I wouldn’t be one ounce of help to him. Does help come in ounces? I’m getting to be as daft as he is.

“If you’re having me on I’ll never forgive you” she said, “come on then, take me to your mum…”

Then Dom had a relieved look on his face and did what to Annie was the most unDomish thing she’d ever known him do. He reached out and took her by one hand and carefully, as if she was made of crystal or glass he led her away from the shopping centre and towards where she knew his home was.

“I was a selfish brat,” he moaned and it wasn’t like him to diminish himself in the eyes of others.

“I lay in bed when I heard her on the stairs, then I heard the sound of her filling the kettle and I had you in my head, Annie… won’t tell you what I did as I lay there thinking of you because you’ll hate me for ever if I do, and then I went down stairs, it had gone really quiet down there… and there she was on the rug, still, and when I touched her head she was cold on a cold day.. come on Annie, I need a friend right now…

If this is one of his jokes it’s far from being funny. And why would I hate him for ever? I nearly feel like that already! But if there is something wrong with his mum, she’s a lovely lady and she might have fainted or something, then it might be for the best If I’m there to help her when she comes round It’s not the sort of thing that Dom’s likely to be much good at…

“We’re here,” he said, pushing the gate of his home open and walking to the front door. “I don’t want to see her again like that…” he mumbled, “but I guess… I’m not strong like you, Annie, not strong at all.”

He’s crying again! I just can’t believe this I’d better go in, and find out what’s really going on…

“Open the door then, Dom,” she said, “I can’t walk through wood!”

“It’s not wood, its plastic,” he muttered, pushing his key into the lock and turning it.

“Is that you, Dom?” came a voice, a woman’s voice, his mother’s voice, and there was was in the front room doorway, smiling but pale, almost like a ghost.

“I could have done with you, Dom, a few minutes ago,” she said, “I had a funny turn, I fainted and collapsed ontp the rug! Thank goodness it was there or I might have banged my head on the hearth! Is that Annie you’ve got with you?”

And Dom, not quite sure whether he was laughing or drying, ran up to his mother and hugged her as if hugging was about to go out of fashion.

“Oh mum,” he half laughed and half wept, “I love you, you know that, don’t you? I couldn’t go on without you, you know… the person who breathed life into me before I was born, who nurtured me those long months waiting for me to be born, I love you and I will love you for ever…”

Then he turned to Annie.

“I’m sorry, I was wrong but it wasn’t a joke. Not at all. And when I thought my world was ending I could only think of you, so I went out looking for you, needing you above all people to help me… will you be my wife, Annie? Will you let me love you as much as I love my mum?”

Will I be his wife? Dom’s wife? I would have said never in a million years, and then I saw this little scene and heard him talk about, him and his mum, and I’ve seen the real Dom, I suppose.

“Of course I will, Dom,” said Annie, “but don’t keep me hanging on forever.”

© Peter Rogerson 07.10.22

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