THE CALL GIRL

What is often referred to as the oldest profession might have started this way...

Circa: 9990 BC

The village was at peace, and had been for as long as the men and women who lived it could remember, and here's how.

There had been a time when skirmishes, some of them prolonged and almost describable as wars, had broken out between the people who lived there and neighbouring tribes. The arguments had never been over much �" who had the longest spear, who hunted and killed the greater number of bambles, whose cave was smartest and had the best-kept garden... small little niggles that broke out into sporadic outbursts of violence.

Then Yoyo was born.

Even as a baby she was special. Her eyes were somehow brighter and her gurgle happier than those of other babies, and she learned to walk and talk (if the limited vocabulary of the people could be called talking) sooner than others of her age.

As a child Yoyo was inquisitive, as an adolescent critical and as a young woman voluptuous. It was back then, as the special child was growing up, that the worst of the warlike skirmishes with half a dozen other tribes took place, and several of the menfolk had been actually killed, such was the angry violence. It was a disgrace! They were needed on the hunt, to feed their young as well as the ever-growing tribe of the recently appointed spiritual leader, Crud, who needed to remain with his well-breasted woman because he was deeply involved in beings that could only be seen by him. He could hardly be expected to go hunting or things might start going really wrong in the settlement.

Some more independent souls had deigned to dare to think that Crud ought to do something about all the skirmishes, but he didn't seem able to. His calling was more spiritual than that! Instead of doing anything to help the living he bent his knee and made weird hand signals to his totally invisible god.

But back to Yoyo.

When she was about fifteen she developed, over night, into the most glorious woman the tribe had ever produced. She was tall, not too slim but just about perfect, had long legs that made men gulp when they saw them and hair that always looked clean even when it wasn't.

And Yoyo had a brain. She noticed that the attractive young men of the village seemed to ogle her more when she actually covered parts of her flesh up with clean and skimpy skins. She became aware of the glances those same attractive young men made when her legs were in evidence and even more aware of the way necks were craned and heads bent in such a way that their owners might see her adequate bosom when it was mostly but not completely concealed from view.

And she had noticed how Crud got away with having his invisible friends. She saw him through his cave entrance as he made impassioned proclamations to nothing at all. He made the odd declaration to little groups of neighbours, describing this or that essential behaviour as required by his retinue of gods, and he never went out into the forest in search of fresh meat. He never even looked for nuts and fruits. Such activities, it seemed, were beneath him. Instead he somehow managed to get the rest of the villagers to contribute towards his well-being from their own tables.

“If,” she thought, “invisible friends can be such an aid to comfort and security, how would a girl find luxury if she actually contrived to have visible friends?”

And she mulled it over and decided it would be quite a good idea �" if only she could find a way.

It was the attitude of a randy neighbour that gave her the germ of an idea.

Piggo was a smart enough young fellow, and in the summer when it was the fashion for the people of the tribe to go about naked it was quite obvious that he would be a good catch for any lass fortunate enough to beguile him into her heart. He was astoundingly well-muscled and clearly likely to father a whole tribe by himself unaided if equipment size had anything to do with it, and the tribes-folk firmly believed that it did.

He even tried it on with Yoyo. Well, he would, wouldn't he? They were, he supposed, practically perfect for each other, she being the most renowned beauty in generations and he particularly substantial of personal equipment. They would make a good couple. He could see a long future in harmony with Yoyo and the idea thrilled him.

But being half of a good couple is not what she wanted, and she knew why. It would all end in misery �" for her, as chief cook and wooden-bottle-washer and he with a tribe of other women after a tempting drop of his semen. She'd seen it all before, and that mind of life didn't appeal to her at all.

No. She wanted the independent life that Crud had discovered, but without the weird mystery of invisible friends and what she looked on as the borderline criminal charisma of the older man.

And she knew she was beautiful. That must, she thought, be her chief asset.

One day soon after her initial brainwave it all clicked in her head.

“Piggo” she whispered to her randy neighbour, “you can have me for, say, an hour �" but it will cost you...”

“Cost me?” he stammered.

“Shall we say a nice roast leg of bamble?” she murmured.

“And in return, I can … an hour, you say?”

She fluttered her eyelashes at him and his heart went close to melting.

The leg of bamble was good, but the hour was better, or so Piggo thought. It was so much better that he fashioned some candles out of beeswax as a special gift for her, and coloured them red.

And what with the queues of visitors to Yoyo's cave, some of them from miles away, peace broke out in the entire neighbourhood. It was all down to the brilliant mind of a prehistoric prostitute and her beautiful body.

Author's Note

There are several little tales in which Crud figures, along with a small antelope he and his people called a bamble.

Reviews

[hcarson]

this is an interesting one..after all..i never even thought before how prostitution came about but its an interesting subject. as you say, oldest profession in the world haha. Good story,much enjoyed :)

[Peter Rogerson]

Thanks for your input. I suppose that where's there's a demand there will emerge a supply...

[hcarson]

aha..very true!