“Starting a fire is one thing. Putting it out is another.”

an excerpt

(This is a bit of a scene from my published novel MERLIN'S CHARGE)

“Sorry, lad, but I can’t do that,” Merlin confessed, not sorry. “Starting a fire is one thing. Putting it out is another.”

“It is?”

Merlin nodded. “Entirely.”

Arthur stood muddled, and after Merlin had walked away from him to attend to Mother Hubbard’s binds, Arthur finally realized and said out loud, “How can one raise taxes from a burnt shire? Nay. What a fool I was… am. Again.”

As Merlin unfastened Mother Hubbard’s binds, he properly greeted her, “Blessed be.”

“Blessed be. Is a storm brewing?” Mother Hubbard asked. “Rain would be lucky for the farmers.”

“Nay, it’s just the fire blowing off another roof. Have you been tortured?”

“Nay.”

“Not whipped and screwed and racked?”

“Nay.”

“Not dunked or burned with molten lead?”

“Nay, nay, nay.” She rolled her eyes. “They just tried my patience!”

Merlin said, “Then I’ll let you live and not kill you for the mercy of it.”

Mother Hubbard grinned. “You’re so kind, dear wise man. A real gentleman for such concern. I assure you, they wouldn’t dare touch a hair on my bonny head.”

After a thick waft of black smoke passed them by, Merlin looked about the burning town, bemused. “This is all the wasteland needs, a good fire.” He helped her step down off the timbers. “Watch your foot.”

She winked at him. “Oh look around. Things are not well these days. Not anywhere.”

Merlin felt a bit of glamour magic in her wily expression. He felt his heart leap. “The world isn’t getting any worse; it just seems that way now that the carrier pigeons go farther. Are you sure you’re not molested by plugs, rakes, and screws?” He looked for bruises. “Hot pokers? Rapid paternosters?”

She wagged her winger. “I said nay.”

“Then I won’t kill you for the mercy of it.”

“You sound so disappointed.” She looked him over, head to toe. She tapped her fingers on the back of his hand and then slid them up his arm.

Merlin felt his pulse race. It raced around until it thumped between his legs. “Not at all. And aren’t you full of spells today, you little pagan. Do have you a husband? And if so, can he be sent away and I’ll have my turn with you?”

“I’m all yours. How proper of you to care. You aren’t like most men. They’ve become so religious. Haven’t the religious folk become overreaching these days?”

Merlin nodded. “I’ve nothing against how these religious people would have me think as they think, but it’s most appalling as to how they’d have me act as they act.”

She tried to smooth her hair. “And they spend so much time in confession. They’d have me confess things I’ve never even accomplished. The old religion had few sins so we didn’t have to hear about it. At least that saved time.”

Merlin agreed, “This new religion with its confessors is so popular with the religious, because they like to talk about themselves.”

“You’re a rare man!” She batted her stubby white eyelashes at him. “Will you marry me and always be so clever as to rescue me whenever humanity draws nigh?”

“Actually, I didn’t save you. It was that scrawny lad.”

“Where?”

“There.”

“The little girl?”

“That one. That’s not a lass. Aye that one. The one with a face like a slapped puppy.”

“Him? He saved me?” Mother Hubbard looked at Arthur, taken aback. “You?”

Arthur stepped up to her. “Aye.”

“I can’t marry him. He isn’t even old enough to have a billy goat stink.”

Arthur stated, “I will be getting married only after I’ve fallen deeply in love.”

Merlin looked at Arthur in horror. “Love? You’ll be sorry after love has gone.”

Then Merlin decided, “I’ll marry this dear woman, for my bed needs some warmer company. That sort of feeling never passes.”

“What? Why?” Arthur asked.

Merlin looked her up and down. “Marry for the bed, not love. Love is just a delusion that one woman differs from another.”

Mother Hubbard elbowed Merlin angrily, “And wisdom, wise wizard, is thinking twice before you say nothing!”

“I’ll say�"man will not live alone�"and while marriage has its solitary pains, celibacy has no shared pleasures.”

“So then, you’ll marry me?” Mother Hubbard perked, her eyes twinkling. “Really? Really?”

Merlin stood tall. “I said I would. I may be a scoundrel, a cad and double-talker, but by the light of day I usually mean what I say.”

“But… but,” Arthur protested to Merlin, “You’ll be going away… going back to the Realm of the Dragons after my tutorage.”

“My torture? And what of my bed until then? I should take on a wife since brothels are insufferable and too far one from the other.”

Mother Hubbard asked, “Since when has a marriage kept men from brothels? And what did you say about the Realm of Dragons? Do you go there? Do you?

Tell me!”

Arthur said, “Adultery is terrible.”

Merlin scoffed. “Adultery itself is completely uninteresting. It’s what comes just before and just after that makes the legends.”

“So you will marry me?” Mother Hubbard asked Merlin again. “And I mean a real marriage, not some tricky wizard secret marriage? I want a proper hand fasting now. Then you can take me with you to the Realm of Dragons!”

Arthur pointed out, “Merlin! You aren’t alone in life. You have me to tutor! I am your charge now!”

Merlin looked around. “All our lives are a tragedy if we feel, a comedy if we think.”

Mother Hubbard busted out into peals of laughter. “You’re either wise or a drop of cockle-doodle dung.”

“Merlin! Why are you letting her flatter you?”

He shrugged. “Because it feels good? It feels very good!”

Arthur insisted, “I’m not so insufferable that you need a wife to help you along before I become the King! It’s only a few years now. And didn’t you tell me that flatterers only wish to deceive?”

“You’ll be a king?” Mother Hubbard asked Arthur, her eyes widening with astonishment. “So you’re Arthur? Wait a minute… that makes… oh my! So you are Merlin!”

“Aye.”

Mother Hubbard erupted into merriment. “I’ll marry the mightiest wizard of all time! I’ll marry the man who was the land itself before becoming the first owl who became the first man who became the first wizard! I’m worthy, I assure you. I’ve many spells of my own! I’m worthy of being married to you proper!”