Planning the Mummy Movie

A bit of a scene from my novel PUNK MINNEAPOLIS that takes place in 1989

(This excerpt from my published novel PUNK MINNEAPOLIS is censored for the internet, ha ha)

 

Browsing through racks of old clothes in Ragstock at uptown, Becky said to Bunny Umber. “You should be in Sandra’s mummy movie.”

Sandra agreed. “Yeah. All the parts are filled. The Isis one anyway. But maybe you could play a narrator.”

Bunny Umber raised her green eyebrows. “What? Just the f###’n narrator? You unmitigated piece of sh##.”

Sandra laughed. “It’ll be cool. We’ll have beer. I always love to drink Cold Spring when we shoot. It’s so refreshing.”

“It is!”

Becky said, “After you introduce the movie, and it’ll be great to have a real psychic endorse it, I come on and I wear a wig to look Egyptian and I say, It isn’t the same anymore. I must punish some mortals. And then Sandra will edit this quick montage of Omen movies so we see all these people just getting totally creamed.” She pulled at the cuffs of her black fishnet gloves that were hiding her lack of fingernails.

“I already dubbed the footage at the studio, and the copy guard on it doesn’t show up if you edit on professional machines. So it looks really good. And I even put it all in fast motion for an even faster montage so it’ll play along with some super bad punk music.”

Bunny Umber grinned. “Oh, cool.”

Sandra continued, “And then Becky says, Who is left? And we show this baby in a basket floating in the water at Hidden Beach. We just use a toy doll of course, but the baby is saved by some beach bums. I hope to just get some volunteers at the time. I hope I can get them to put some clothes on because you really shouldn’t have nudity like that on cable access. Old hippies with their t##s and b###s dragging in the sand is not my idea of a glamorous mummy movie. Maybe I can just shoot them from the shoulders up.”

Becky said, “Maybe there’ll be some punk rockers there when we shoot it. Old hippies are so gross and scary.”

Bunny Umber asked, “Then what happens?”

Sandra answered, “In the movie we hear some really loud punk rock music as the old bagging hippies dance around the baby.”

Becky made a face. “That could be gross.”

Sandra winked. “And it could also be really funny.”

Bunny Umber asked, “What if there’s nobody around at Hidden Beach when you film there?”

Sandra threw her hands in the air. “F### me. We’ll just have to pull the baby out of the water with a string or something. Or cut to stock footage of a crocodile to get everybody screaming. Oh that’s a great idea. We should do that anyway. Crocodile. Screaming. Crocodile. Screaming. Back and forth. Back and forth. And really loud music. And maybe just hippie feet in close up dancing in the sand because hippie b###s are so gross and ugly!”

Becky made a face. “And then the baby’s head pops off, right? Raven has such a fascination with heads popping off. I wonder why? Is it sexual or is it just something he saw on TV when he was a kid and he’s trying to work through it?”

“I don’t know,” Sandra said. “But who cares. Let’s blow this pop stand. These clothes are all so… so-so.”

Bunny Umber dropped the black shirt she was holding. “Yeah. I already own a thousand of these things. And it’s hard to shoplift without any underwear.”

The three went outside and headed east down Lake Street. Bunny Umber suggested, “Let’s go to Oarfolk Jokeopus and see what new used records they have?”

Becky laughed. “You’re the only person I know who can say the name of that place. No. I was just there yesterday.”

“Me too,” Sandra said. “There was a Pere Ubu album I almost bought, but then I decided I was over them. I want something new. I’m tired of used records. I wish I had the money to buy anything I wanted.”

Becky said, “The best music now is stuff that’s super old. The Replacements. The Ramones. Things were once so cool. Now it’s all in a used bin and we don’t know what’s next.”

 

 

 

Look at the blurb and reviews at Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Punk-Minneapolis-Peter-Joseph-Swanson/dp/1600761682/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1296052564&sr=8-1

 

 

Reviews

[Nimbus Thread]

How true. Everything old is new again when your pockets are empty. This is interesting. I like the name Bunny Umber.

[Cherrie Palmer]

Strong visuals very gripping

[francoise solace]

you really engage your readers to be there with your narration. vivid and realistic description of a young punkish tribe and their vision of life.

[Robin]

old music ...sigh

[Mica]

Amazing visuals!
I especially love the last paragraph in this excerpt, where Becky is talking about older music... I thought that was pretty powerful and still applicable nowadays
Although I read this without the context of the actual book, I thoroughly enjoyed it! Great job!

[Revolutionary]

Great visual.greeneyebrows,Saggy hippies,popping doll heads,and screaming crocs.I was completely disgusted.love this s**t

[cfix]

I really like this.
I went and checked it out.
Wonderful reviews on the book.