(This excerpt from my published novel - kindle or paperback - is censored for the internet)
“Oh no,” Bunny Umber said. “No matter what�"there will be nothing there.”
Mark asked, “Then why are we going?”
“To find out why.” About an hour on the road, Bunny Umber tipped back a Pepto Bismo bottle as if it was a naughty bottle of booze, then remarked of a permanent Christmas store out in the middle of nowhere. “It sucks. I remember always going past this place that just sells such crap all year round to the evil holiday of greed and lies and desperate bankruptcy. It’s a perversion of the midwinter fasting. That’s what we’re supposed to do at mid-winter. We are to sit in the dark and think upon the return of Mother Summer, the Goddess Easter. Wendy O once said that Christmas was a rape of the environment and she was right!”
Raven said, “I’m not fasting in midwinter. It’s too f###’n cold. I need beer and a lot of spaghetti.”
“You are supposed to fast and think about Mother Summer returning.”
Mark said, “You can close your eyes if you don’t like the sight of the store.”
“And I’m not used to being in cars,” Bunny Umber said with a moan. “The trip is so long I need a whole bottle of this pink weird sh## to get my stomach there with me.” She tipped the bottle of Pepto Bismo back again. “Where’s Sandra? I forgot what her excuse was. She should be here to help me. I need female spirituality around me.”
“She had to work,” Raven explained.
Bunny Umber asked, “She couldn’t find anybody to cover for her?”
Mark pointed out, “That would be us. And we’re here.”
Bunny Umber asked, “Where’s Becky?”
Mark and Raven said, “Same.”
Bunny Umber ordered, “And turn that music up louder. This nothing I see out here is giving me a nervous breakdown. God I hope the jeep doesn’t break down. I can’t imagine what people will think of us, looking like this, walking around out here so far from the city.”
Raven suddenly felt scared. “Yeah, there’s too much f###’n farm s**t out here. They’d probably think we got lost from the demon wing of Como Zoo. F### em.’”
Mark said, “I hope we’re not in some bad movie and I’m really about to drive right off the edge of a computer simulation!”
Yeah,” Raven said. “This world of farms doesn’t look very real, does it?”
“It is too real!” Bunny Umber insisted. “It’s nature!”
“There is nothing natural about farms!” Raven argued. “It’s all designed. On a farm, anything that’s really nature is badmouthed. It’s called pests or weeds. This isn’t nature. This is anti-nature you’re all looking at. Fences and roads and weed killer. And the wolves have all been shot.”
“How would you know?” Bunny Umber asked, then laughed. “Are you Farmer Raven?”
Raven smiled sheepishly. “I bailed hay sometimes as a kid. It really sucked. It had nothing to do with nature. But we did chew up a bunch of big long snakes. That was cool.”
“You ate big snakes?”
“No, the hay bailer machine chewed them up.”
Bunny Umber looked up to the imaginary heavens and wailed, “All those snakes were the Goddess’ messengers coming forth from the womb of Mother Earth. The snake is the mediator between earth and the womb. You killed the Goddess’ messengers!”
“Oh.” Raven stopped smiling. “Then that proves we’re looking at scary sh## right now. Farmland is one big snake eater. The farm sabotages the Goddess. At least where the hay bailer goes.”
“Here! Here!” Bunny Umber pointed wildly. “Turn down that road. That’s it! I recognize it. It looks just like it always did.”
“Are we there?”
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