The Bad Witch (from Merlin's Charge)

A Story by Peter Joseph Swanson

an excerpt

(Merlin's Charge is a novel with good witches, and a really bad one! Here's an excerpt)

Merlin asked Abbot Babble Blaise, “What did this old Pict woman want with your abbey?”

“It was odd. Odd, indeed. O’ Virgin, I’m not quite sure what we’ve been through.”

“Just tell me as it occurred!” Merlin asked impatiently. “What happened?”

“She came and I had to let her in. Sometimes I hate hospitality�"sometimes it’s such a bother�"but I do know how very sacred it is, and I’ll not blaspheme, since we don’t know if it isn’t God in disguise who comes to our door. This time I got a nasty rotten witch of a Pict�"lucky me�"O’ Fortuna doesn’t smile on me.”

“What happened?”

Abbot Babble Blaise took a deep weary breath. “The old tattooed wench got her warm bed for the night, and a bowl of onion soup, but she kept asking us about our kettle, and asked us when we’d get our bell. And she had gold and bought up all of my parchments about the holy grail, frauds all of them. But she said she couldn’t read Latin.”

“Aye, you already mentioned selling those off to a crone.” Then Merlin jolted again.

“What?”

Merlin stated, “It wasn’t a wholesome witch you entertained, but a meddlesome thief.”

“What’d she steal?” Abbot Babble Blaise asked. “I told her the parchments were all frauds and I got gold for them.”

“She wanted to steal your monastery bell to turn it affright and then use it as her cauldron, as she has certainly perverted the goodly cauldron for her demon bell! But you don’t have a bell yet, lucky for you.”

“And she cursed us with baldness?” the monks cried.

Merlin said, “Why she’d bother cursing you with baldness, that’s another story, and very odd. Did any of you play a trick on her? Be honest.”

One monk admitted, “She was bald, as we said, but she had a wig made of a pony’s tail. We stole it and hid it in plain sight on one of the pony’s tails. She couldn’t find it and cursed us, but we thought it was just in jest and she’d find a new pony’s tail, they’re not hard to find.”

“A witch is terrified of ponies, that’s why she didn’t find her wig on your pet’s hinder. And anyway, I can assure you that it wasn’t a wig made of such an animal. It was certainly the hair of a human that she’d killed merely for her own vanity.”

Parsifal gasped. “Catapults!”

“Nay!” the monks agreed.

“Aye,” Merlin said. “You all crossed a nasty mean witch from the highlands.”

Look at the reviews at Amazon!

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1600761429/ref=s9_simh_gw_p14_d0_i3?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=1W3P8ZH143ZDZS375C2F&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=470938631&pf_rd_i=507846

(notice that it's also in Kindle!)

This is the back cover blurb:

In the wasteland of Britain in the year 500, a cranky Merlin tutors a teenage Arthur. Missing the comfort of the Realm of Dragons, Merlin amuses himself with two simultaneous sneaky marriages to the feuding witches, Nimm and Mother Hubbard. With the help of young Parsifal, they all begin the search for the holy grail, their town's communal cauldron, which was stolen by a Pict witch to make a demon bell. Recovering the cauldron will end the drought in time for Arthur to be King. Along the way they meet a host of colorful characters and face obstacles of a most phenomenal nature. Classic Peter Joseph Swanson-wickedly bawdy.