The opening of PUNK MINNEAPOLIS

An excerpt from my paperback novel

This is the opening of my published paperback novel, out now. The language in this excerpt has been censored for the internet:

 

Becky popped a radish in her mouth, wanting a thrill. “If you tell anybody I used to put a salad bar together, after I become rich and famous, I’ll have to f###’n wail on your head.”

Raven asked, from behind his cash register, “Why?”

“How dreadful, how establishment, how dreadfully middle class. I left the world of yuppies… for a fast food salad bar?”

Raven looked at her like she was an idiot. “It’s cool to have worked in a pizza place if you’re gonna be a punk rock star.”

She moaned. “It’s so much work. I never imagined what was involved. F### you.”

“F### you.”

“This one is cool enough?” Becky looked around. “Sure, why not. F### it. It’s haunted; it has a Big Foot.” She laughed. They all clandestinely called the Manager Big Foot ever since she clomped up from the basement one day, stoned on pot.

Raven corrected Becky, “It’s cool here because it has beer.”

Becky smiled. “Yeah, the beer, that’s cool. When is Big Foot going to leave so we can steal that case of Elephant Malt? If I just had a crystal ball. A nice big one.”

“You could throw it at her head like a bowling ball.”

Becky tossed a garbanzo bean at him. “I want a crystal ball so I can see when the next party is. Why don’t they have the next one at Pagan House?”

Raven put his finger to his lips. “That place? I don’t know. Hmmm. Everybody believes it’s haunted somehow. With a ghost. A real one. And they say she’s sick and has a big fat dirty syringe. And it’s true. Really. And you can’t have a party there anyway. The rotten floor would probably break through if they put too many people on it, let alone a few kegs.”

Becky reminded him, “But bands rehearse there.”

“That’s different.”

She asked, “How?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I was only there a couple of times.”

“You don’t know anything. You’re not cool.”

Raven replied, “Then neither are you. And you’ve never been there once.”

“F### you.”

“F### you.”

“F### you.”

“F### you.”

Becky nodded towards the door. “Shhh! F**k you all. Watch your f###’n mouth! Look who’s coming! The crazy nun!”

“She comes here to get possessed.” Raven smiled maniacally, and said like Peter Lorre, “Possession by parmesan.”

“You’re such a nerd.”

A woman in her late twenties, wearing a nun’s habit held on with lots of hairpins, came through the glass doors and bellied up to the counter. “The world will end the second 1990 hits. The W***e of Babylon is on filthy sheets. Africa will burn in drought.”

Becky yelled at the nun, “Don’t be prejudiced!”

Raven loudly rapped his glossy black fingernails and nodded. “Yep, the whole ’80s scene seems to be way pooped out by now, doesn’t it? And the year isn’t even over yet. But it’s as good as over already. And who’s the w***e of Babylon? That’s who I want to know. She sounds groovy tunes!”

The crazy nun said, “You’re just too young to be afraid! You don’t learn to wake up in middle of the night filled with fear, not until you’re older.”

Raven looked into her eyes. “Afraid of what?”

She frowned and looked away. “Everything. Even the dumb stuff. When you get older you lose your nerve. And then you’ll know her�"the horrible w***e�"when you see her with black eyes and red dress. And when she’s destroyed, the end will come. You’ll be too dumb to be afraid�"being so young! You’ll be drunk and singing for more, like the rest of the world. Pray for wisdom!”

Raven nodded ardently. “Yeah, man, 1989 was just a stupid waste of time so I won’t care. There just isn’t anything cool anymore. I really think the 80s ended a long time ago. And what do you want to eat today? Don’t touch the salad bar. Becky did it today and her fake hair is falling out.”

From where she stood at the aluminum wagon, Becky loudly agreed. “Yeah! And I’m suing!” She whacked a piece of iceberg lettuce off the inside of the sneeze guard. “Oh man!”

The crazy nun looked hard into Raven’s eyes. “And then after great joy�"all the green things cultivated by man will have wilted!”

Raven jolted. “What?”

Becky heard her say wilted. “This is actually pretty fresh�"a lot fresher than what you get at the grocery store. It doesn’t have time to sit around and rot. People keep eating it and eating it every single day. And the food service people keep bringing it in, every single g##### day, in and out and in and out�"oh�"excuse my French.”

 

 

 

Here's the book's blurb:

At a pizza place in uptown Minneapolis, scenesters and a psychic try very hard to find the next cool party and a pure state of punk living in the summating year of 1989. Their overripe imaginations (and beer) bring out bizarre fatal accidents, memories of once being devil possessed, and a vengeful ghost of a hippie who had overdosed.

 

 

And look, it already has a review at Amazon! Read it if you want (it's not too big):

http://www.amazon.com/Punk-Minneapolis-Peter-Joseph-Swanson/dp/1600761682

Reviews

[Brad]

i remember seeing soul asylum playing at "Leaning Tower Pizza" near lyndale. and i also remember having a practice space next to "Spyra Gyra" and "The Jets"

[Peter Joseph Swanson]

The alternative local music scene was dying in 1989 in Minneapolis but then being re-born a bit. Babes in Toyland and Soul Asylum hit it big in the early 90s.

[Michael of Gilead]

The punk scene had died down around here by 89....ahh but who can forget the dead kennedys?

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

absolulutely fantabulous!!!!!~ eagerly waiting for my copy to arrive!

[Brad]

awesome, pete!!!!
i'm ordering this this weekend! i lived in uptown for 6 years...this should be fun