Esther Williams broken swimming pool set (from THE JOAN CRAWFORD MURDERS)

An excerpt from my published paperback novel

“You swim here in my pool?” Esther Williams asked, shocked.

“Just along that edge,” Joan pointed to the side of the pool where there wasn't any set. “The rest of your pool is a goddamn mess.”

Esther brought Joan right up to the edge of it and nodded to agree. “Look down in there! It won't come up! Not for anything! It's stuck!”

“Your set won't work?”

Esther smiled. “The set won't work.” She pointed her toes at giant pale blue rings far under the water. “They were supposed to go up and down.”

“It don't?”

“No.” Esther laughed. “It's supposed to go up filled with grinning sprites. It went up only once and then we heard the most horrible loud groan, and then a giant crack, and all the sprites slipped off of it, screaming bloody murder, and then it all slowly sank. The saddest sight I ever saw.”

Joan warned her, “Be careful your career doesn't do just that.”

“The water is so clear, isn't it?” Esther smiled. “They just drained it to try and fix the set. They gave up. But that means it's all fresh water as of today.”

“Oh really.” Joan slipped out of her costume. “Do they keep your commode in that rowboat?”

“No, silly! That's for the makeup man to touch me up so I don't have to keep getting in and out. What are you doing?”

“Take off your clothes.”

“Why?”

Joan ordered, with a big impish grin, “Take your clothes off.”

“Here?”

“I bet I can swim all the way across that pool, underwater,” Joan said by way of a challenge.

“That's a bit of a way if you're not a professional swimmer,” Esther warned Joan.

“You have to know how to ignore your lungs when they hurt really bad for air.”

“I don't give a damn about pain. I know all about lungs hurting for air and I love it! I have a pool in my backyard and I do laps underwater without coming up. It's always been a big part of my singing lessons - to learn to sing and not want to breathe very other idiot note like some heaving slob. Now do you want to race me or are you afraid of a woman who is older and more fit than you are, trouncing you, and making you feel a little silly. Not that I'm old.”

Esther shrugged. “I'm game if you're game. But if you're going to swim that direction, you'll have to swim completely under those rings.”

“Or else?”

“Or else you'll certainly get snagged up in any of the cables holding the rings up. You could get stuck. You could die down there.”

“But I thought the set sunk.”

Esther explained, “It did, but the cables keep it from sinking all the way down so it don't cover the drain. So just stay between the bottom side of the rings and the pool floor and there won't be anything in your way. It's a clear path.”

“What a mess of a set they built you. Poor Esther.”

She cringed. “A clown crash. I can't wait until they drain it all again after we’re done for good so they can take chainsaws to the whole thing to get it all out of here. Or just burn it. I'd love to be here to see that. My poor pool.”

“Are you ready?” Joan asked.

Esther smiled big. “Let's just hope we don't see Tom and Jerry down there.”

“Huh?”

“In my last picture Dangerous When Wet. I'm going to be swimming with cartoon characters. They're still working on it. It takes a long time. I'm sure they're being drawn right now, as we speak, over in the animation department. It’s being done by William Hanna and Joseph Barbera. You met them? They’re real nice.”

“Oh. I wouldn't know. I don't watch your movies. One, two … ” Joan leapt in and expertly dived. She went deep to slip under the rings.

Esther followed, smiling pleasantly out of habit, watching how Joan was far more graceful underwater than when she was tap dancing in her old movies. Joan kept a cautious eye on the sunken set, but Esther had been down too many times to worry, so kept watching Joan.

When Joan's lungs began to hurt, she became excited and even stronger with confidence - seeing that the end wall was not too far, now, and she knew there was still plenty of oxygen in her bloodstream to get her there alive. When they erupted at the surface they tried not to act as desperate as a whale exploding its blowhole. They smiled at each other, nostrils flaring, and beaming. “Did I win?” Joan said while drawing a breath.

“Of course you won, Joan,” Esther fibbed to be nice, as she was amazed how Joan's heavy copper makeup and sequined eyebrows were still in place, the foundation now only needing a good re-powdering. “And you look flawless!”

Joan smiled arrogantly, the swim making her feel horribly sober. She grabbed her gossamer leotard and headdress and left.