Bela Lugosi and Joan Crawford

Here's a bit of a scene from my published paperback novel THE JOAN CRAWFORD MURDERS!!!

 

 

Joan looked sadly in her handbag.  "All I have in here is my gun."

 

"I'll take it," Bela said.  "I can take it to the pawn shop and get some money that way. Everybody likes guns."

 

"No.  This one has real bullets.  I was hoping on shooting up my next party and really shocking everybody.  They usually see me step out of my pool house with a big flower on the top of my head, and I'm pretending that I'm my rotten daughter from Mildred Pierce, and I shoot blanks at everything like a brat.  I've done that so many times by now that they've all gotten so used to it.  It doesn't make everybody laugh like it used to.  The next time I'm gonna really blow the gardenias out of the pool, for real!"

 

Bela put up his hand. "No!  Miss Crawford!  You can't shoot at the water with real bullets.  The bullets can skip off of it and keep going and hit something you don't want to hit."

 

"Really?  They can bounce?"

 

"Yes!  Water is very bouncy."

 

Joan frowned. "But, I was hoping to scare the s**t out of everybody.  At least surprise them.  I gotta!  Everybody's always looking for the next laugh."

 

Bela suggested, "Shoot the windows out of your pool house.  That always makes a lot of noise."

 

Joan gasped.  "That sounds so untidy."  She plopped her gun back into her handbag.  "I'll think of something good.  This gun is gonna shoot something real for a good laugh.  Balls!"  She pulled off her ring and gave it to Bela.  "Here, pawn this for some groceries."

 

"But that's a ring!  I'm not worthy."

 

"This?  It's not real.  It's something leftover from Sudden Fear.  It'll give you something at the pawnshop, though.  Make sure you tell them that it's a Joan Crawford ring and was seen in Sudden Fear.  That'll make it worth more than it would be otherwise.  You'll eat for months."

 

"Oh, Miss Crawford," Bela cried for joy.  "Thank you!"

 

"And if you ever find out who stole my money, please tell him to go to Hell!  And then tell me.  I'll beat the stuffing out of him and send him there, myself, with both my shoes lodged in his cake hole!"

 

"Yes, Miss Crawford."

 

Joan looked hard into Bela's eyes.  "You don't look well."

 

 

(We'll pretend this is a picture from my novel THE JOAN CRAWFORD MURDERS, tee hee)

 

 

Look it up at Amazon, read the reviews and blurb:

http://www.amazon.com/Crawford-Murders-Peter-Joseph-Swanson/dp/1600760775/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1286484554&sr=8-2

Reviews

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!


Joan frowned. "But, I was hoping to scare the s**t out of everybody. At least surprise them. I gotta! Everybody's always looking for the next laugh."


I so CANNOT WAIT for your Newest Literary baby to be available!

you are one of the most witty voices for our generation I have had the absolute pleasure to encounter~