man in the rain

idk ?

the windmill spins as if it was in a monotonic dance ,

he lay's on the grass as the heavens pours down upon his under pants .

he wishes it was the holy piss of god purging his depraved soul

"no!!" , he says, "this must be the holy s**t of god reconfirming i'm worthless".

he thinks it quite ironic for a storm of s**t to fall on s**t .

the sky is  covered in gray.

its seems almost like his "ditto" today.

such an endless gray ,its  carries  the  stark reminder of his mundane  .

he has an epiphany, why did all the sound stop ?

he can't hear the frogs ,the birds , or even drum of his heart!

he only feels the endless drops of s**t upon his grotesque body parts.

Author's Note

be kind i guess , nvm just eat me apart lol

Reviews

[spunkyleo]

ha ha, i love this poem! I'm sure everyone has felt like this before. well done.

[Peter H]

thank you my friend :)

[Shivam Murari]

The poem sounds brilliant. But I think according to the new rules you must rate it for "Teens and Above" at the very least.
The poem is a blind verse. I would like to point that modern poems also require meter management, which you have ignored. The poem's topic, doubtlessly is clear and comes across very nicely. It has been nicely written and with true thoughts, but the meter problems makes it a bit erratic.
That aside, this is a good piece :)

[Peter H]

ah i see :) thank you :) for the review my dear friend :)

[Shivam Murari]

:)

[TrimarcoRansome]

This was not a good day when you wrote this! its brilliant, im sure all readers will relate to this poem! well done!

[Rhea752]

You use the word s**t a little to often for my liking... Other than that the premise of this is really interesting and good. Great write!! Keep it up :D

[Peter H]

i do believe i should hve marked this one down as a mature piece i'm very sorry for the crude language but the man within poem was at his very last bit of compassion his uncouth language was apart of the theme :) sorry btw :)

[Rhea752]

Lol it seemed fine for me, I just meant the repetition of it, not the word itself.

[Peter H]

ah :)

[quinfinn]

pissed and s**t upon by the creator? well, don't feel like the lone ranger....we all have our moments of self loathing and despair. i think , i f god has any pissing to do, it has already been ordained and carried out. we live the "sins of our fathers"..try not to dwell on it. it is what a vengeful and angry god would expect. defy that faceless power by being the best worthless pissant you can! excellent write!!!!!

[Peter H]

thank you ! lmao those were truly inspiring words :) i would like to use it as a quote sometimes :)

[quinfinn]

anytime you please, enjoy!

[FJ Davis]

A quirky portrayal of profound depression.
I would say, Peter, this guy will soon find himself in deep do-do.

[Peter H]

lmao! , thank you mr.james :)

[The Girl That Let You G..]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hfmp hmmmmmmmmmmmmm ummmmmmmmm.
Love it!

[Peter H]

lmao i have a fan yay :) ♥

[The Girl That Let You Go]

(chuckles) but of course you do, you have many fans silly :)

[Peter H]

lol :) ....... thank you again for all the reviews :)

[Tree]

I like the tone, the sense of desperation. Where not even the rain can cleanse a man's soul. The 5th verse would of made me laugh out loud ( I like irony) had it not been so tragic. I agree with Jacob in the sense that you could polish this, squeeze out a little excess and make it better. Because your ideas are fantastic.

[Peter H]

thank you very much , for the review i have been told to squeeze out the excess language but i really used it for the sense of portraying how low this man feels where even his words seem to be deformed and derogatory . thank you very much for the review . not my ideal poem to make a first impression on you with .

[Tree]

I see your talent, you have made an impression.

[Peter H]

thank you do stop by again Mr.paz.

[Gobinder Singh Dhindsa]

Well done.. I like it.
Pen On.. Do u read mine 2 Time, Why etc.
Regards,
Lucky

[Peter H]

sorta confused here i'll read yours though .

[Robert L.]

The first line employs great personification. I could see a light windmill against a gray sky dancing eternally, no color and very bleak. I agree with Dr. Jacob on the words choices. I could see the extrapolation of the first line's idea through the rest of the poem, but I lost track of it. Overall, you have deep thoughts that leave me pondering as well.