the darkness

its was a poem i wrote when i was really depressed , its dismal and i was seventeen :)

i am a hollow empty vessel 

i live in a dark hole , there is no light in this hole 

a desolate abyss in which only i exist .

i lay in this whole everyday i pray for a light and sort of incandescent .

it was not always like this , i had a light before , but it was stolen by the darkness . 

The darkness took everything away from me . the light i once had faded it was gone 

i spend my days in this darkness, this hole listening to the melancholy and solitary tunes of my heart and soul listening waiting hoping that one day my light my beautiful wonderful light will illuminate  my lonely shallow holes abyss once again . 

Author's Note

just give me the most critical review you can , but at the same time don't destroy my confidence i never really show people these things its usually hidden

i was seventeen as the time

Reviews

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

The was dark, but it came from a sincere place. Not all of our lives are lollipops and sunshine, its the tortures we survive that make us who we are. Great job!

[Archangel Gabriel]

Ok again it is at seventeen when you were going through teenage angst. it is a little crude in places and could do with crafting now you have become a better writer. You can still keep the essence of the piece.

[Belle]

Once again I felt you here, Pete. You are not alone. Here is an echo : http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/iAmBelle/1014236/

[Peter H]

alright you have many accounts miss belle

[Belle]

As for the form, improper breaking of lines is the only flaw I can see right now. I'll look back on this one later...

[Belle]

No, that is not from an another account. I never intend to have other account other than this if it is not for my beloved stalker. But I am back here and I do not have plan to leave.

[Peter H]

oh alright :) sorry bout that :P

[Belle]

Hey, you do not have to say sorry. :)
And :P :P too. ..

[TrimarcoRansome]

The word that stuck out for me was 'Shallow' reading your works, you are by no means shallow!!
I think you should put some more time into this one, juggle the words, move it around a bit...you have there the very essence of a stunning poem! It felt like you were tippy toeing in cold water, giving a little but then retracting again... The most emotional ones are the ones that end up as prize winner...keep plodding on with this one! great work in the making there!

[Peter H]

thank you very much kind friend :(

[TrimarcoRansome]

they are positive comments... your work is growing into something great!

[Peter H]

oh my i'm sorry about the emoticon i seriously thought it was a smiley lol :) not a meloncholy :Pread moreoh my i'm sorry about the emoticon i seriously thought it was a smiley lol :) not a meloncholy :P

[TrimarcoRansome]

cool!

[Peter H]

i didn't mean read more either i seem to need to pay attention to what i'm typing my friend sorry :)

[TrimarcoRansome]

No problem! I enjoy reading your poems!

[Baby Ricochet]

It's depressing alright. I'm not good at critiquing free verse. I'm a meter and rhyme man but so far as emotional impact goes it's dead on.

[Peter H]

i was seventeen :) i think its more of a teen feeling thank you very much for finally reviewing me Ricochet :) it very much appreciated :(

[Rhea752]

This struck a chord big-time. I deal with depression every day. However with the help of writing, therapy, and excessive talking I am slowly regaining my light. Beautiful poem. Thank you for sharing. Keep writing!!! :)

[Peter H]

thank you i wrote this one at a very young age :)

[Rhea752]

older than me though!! Lol :P

[quinfinn]

sounds like loneliness and depression to me. i am familiar with these maladies. time to step out of that hole and share your own light. then you will find light from many unexpected sources. well done, friend. nicely written.

[Peter H]

thank you very much for the review i wrote this at a very young age around seventeen :) i have grown up somewhat :) but your advice would have been great back then my friend lol ;)

[quinfinn]

stick around.....i may yet help somehow.

[Peter H]

lol i will :)

[The Girl That Let You G..]

A wonderful write. You've been incredibly brave to sare this piece, it allows the reader to see the vunlerability of the writer. Raw emotions, nicely penned. -Bravo-!

[Peter H]

"_

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Beautiful piece! keep writing!

[Peter H]

thank you very much my friend

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Welcome :)

[therisa]

First, thank you, Peter, for sharing this very personal poem of your's. If I must be critical, of your poem, it concerns the layout. You started out using verse in a stanza, and then go to paragraph form. For future writing, I suggest sticking to one form. As for your poem, you draw me, into the mindspace that you were experiencing during this time, which I know, all too well. Since I suffer from chronic depression, myself. Keep writing and sharing. You'll will grow with the experience. :)

[Peter H]

thank you , for the review i appreciate it and i'll duly note your review thank you again

[therisa]

Your welcome. Hope I wasn't too harsh on your writing, Peter.

[Peter H]

no not at all lol